


When everything's meant to be broken

by Andy_IfKing



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Lena Luthor's trauma, Past Sexual Assault, SuperCorp, What Supergirl Season 6 could be, heavily implied but not explicitly described, trigger warning for child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 89,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24718030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andy_IfKing/pseuds/Andy_IfKing
Summary: Kara didn't understand, it wasn't the Lena she knew, or had known. As Lex started whispering near his sister's face, Kara remembered something Lena had said to her a few weeks before. "You can yell at me if you want, I know I deserve it."Kara put her hand to her mouth as she realized how Lena's words took on a whole new meaning now.orSomehow, Kara unintentionally learns a lot about Lena's past, for better or for worse. Nothing can ever be the same after that. Lena's walls have fallen, revealing more than she ever wanted, even to Kara.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 295
Kudos: 962





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is what I'd really like to learn in season six of Supergirl, Lena's past and her obvious traumas. and I think I'm not the only one, right?
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

For the second half of the chapter, I suggest this music, it has greatly contributed to my writing and puts in the desired gloomy atmosphere. 

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VagES3pxttQ&list=RDVagES3pxttQ&start_radio=1 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VagES3pxttQ&list=RDVagES3pxttQ&start_radio=1)

* * *

Kara felt the back pocket of her jeans vibrate. She pulled out her cell phone, read an invitation to get out from William.

"Karaoke? 8 pm?"

Kara rubbed her eyebrows in thoughts. She didn't have the heart to go out, but she had been turning down William's invitations on multiple occasions lately, making up excuses. 

"I'll see you there."

Kara closed her cell phone, not waiting for an answer, and started thinking about her concerns again.

Several weeks had passed since the fight against Leviathan and the other immortals. And still no sign of Lex. No intervention on his part, no robbery, hijacking, or uprising that could be attributed to him. No sign of anything.

Since that last handshake between Lena and Kara, they had hardly seen each other since. Kara was somewhere between helping Nia find Brainy and managing the daily crime crises in National City, with the help of Alex and J'onn.

As far as Kara knew, Lena was managing her many companies, but most of all she was watching for any trace of her brother's activity. She'd tracked him down, but she couldn't find anything.

That's why she was now on her way to J'onn and Alex's lair. To check in with them and lena about what they had, or hadn't, found on Lex. From what they all knew, he was and always would be public enemy number one. He was never to be underestimated or thought defeated.

Kara approached the door, felt her heart beat differently at the thought of seeing Lena again. She stopped and took a deep breath. It wasn't normal. They were technically on good terms. Everything was behind them, everything was fine. At least, that's what Kara was trying to persuade her to think. Unfortunately, she didn't believe herself. She couldn't write or talk or even consider seeing Lena in person. But after weeks of overwork, of being constantly busy, this reunion was forcing them to meet.

Kara's heart calmed down and she finally made it to the meeting place.

“I'm late, I know.” she said as a greeting.

Alex and J'onn welcomed her and invited her to see the issues they had already exchanged between each other. They made a list of what had already been checked, scrutinized and analyzed, to no avail. After a while Alex looked at her watch.

“Have either of you heard from Lena?”

Alex looked at her sister, not really expecting J'onn to be the one Lena warned about her absence.

“Don't look at me like that, I don't know anything about it. Let's keep going, she'll arrive sooner or later.” Kara says to urge them to continue.

She had no problem with Lena's absence, she was even relieved about it. Kara didn't want to see her, felt her heart racing with stress just thinking about it again.

So they went on, only the three of them, but since it was Lena who had been looking for her brother the most, they quickly made up their minds. They moved on to other crucial points, the state of Nia and the search for Brainy. On that side too, nothing to be happy about. No trace of him, and Nia had resigned from Catco to devote herself fully to his search.

After more than an hour spent discussing their complete lack of results, J'onn took his leave, leaving the Danvers sisters alone.

Alex was looking at her cell phone, looking preoccupied.

“I can't reach Lena. I think we should go check on her.”

Kara sighed.

“It's not necessary and you know it. Lena will come back to us when she decides. She's been working on her own for the last few weeks, maybe it's just better this way.”

Kara turned on her cell phone, saw William's missed messages. Apparently he was very happy about their date.

“Better that way? But we need Lena. Kara, I'm not following you. Didn't you two make up?”

Kara ran her hand through her hair and sighed again.

“Yes, yes, we did.”

Alex could see that Kara was saying one thing, but thinking another.

“What is it, tell me.”

“No, it's okay, I accepted Lena's apology and we're now teaming up to catch Lex. It's all right, it's all…”

Kara stopped. She could hear herself talking and sounded untrue. Alex had noticed it too, nothing escaped her. 

“It's okay to need time, Kara. What Lena did wasn't nothing.”

Kara nodded her head, indeed, Lena had crossed so many lines that Kara had thought impassable. Starting with using Kryptonite to keep her prisoner in the fortress. 

In her attempt to suppress any ability of living beings to hurt each other, Lena had descended into darkness. Worse, Kara had understood that this darkness, Lena had carried it within her, had always had it, had only resisted it for most of her life. 

This simple truth had shaken her, had ended up taking away her desire to regain their friendship someday. It had made her stop fighting for Lena's forgiveness and warned her that she would do everything in her power to stop her if necessary.

Kara had said she had forgiven, but honestly, from what she had seen of Lena, she was unstable and capable of too much atrocity.

“Give it time, you might be able to pick up the pieces.”

"Maybe," Kara thought, was the key word in what her sister had just said. Nothing was certain.

Kara smiled faintly. The sisters hugged and held each other tightly. Kara broke away from their embrace, feeling her cell phone vibrate once again.

“William?”

Kara nodded, hesitantly.

“Come on, go join him and have some fun, you could use some. I'm going to go tell Mrs. Luthor she can't miss one of my summit meetings.” Alex said humorously. 

Kara smiles.

The sisters left the lair, each going their separate ways.

* * *

“Lena?”

No answer. 

Alex walked slowly through the lab. The lights on the ceiling came on as he approached, sensitive to movement. She saw that one of the computer screens had been left open.

It was a private online chess site. A game was in progress between a Sebastian Melmoth and an Anastasia Romanov. Alex watched the game, and the whites were checkmat.

On the side of the gaming site, a chat window between players was flashing red.

_Sebastion Meloth : I sent you a little gift. The first breadcrumb. Good luck._

Anastasia didn't answer. 

Alex went to pick up the mouse to get back into the conversation, but she heard something scratching in the distance. 

She got up, grabbed her gun and pointed it forward.

"Is anyone there?"

Again, no answer.

Alex walked cautiously, the smart lights following her forward. She arrived at the place where the noise had come from, a sort of glass cell.

"Lena!"

Alex put her gun away and hurried to operate the airlock. She entered the containment room to get to her.

Lena was lying on the floor with the tentacle of a strange creature wrapped around her forearm.

It looked like some kind of octopus, but it was clear it wasn't.This did not come from the earth, or was not of natural origin.

* * *

J'onn arrived a few minutes later after Alex's call.

"What's this? It looks like what attacked Kara a few years ago," Alex asked.

J'onn knelt down next to Lena while keeping a good distance from the creature.

"Not exactly, but it does look like it. It reminds me of Narwak, though."

"Nar... what?" 

Alex came and stood next to him as he got up.

"Narwak, a creature from Mars, migrated on an asteroid to Earth several centuries ago in South America."

"And how do you know that?" 

"I saw one a long time ago on the border of Bolivia." 

Alex ran her hand through her hair as she took out her cell phone. 

* * *

The bar was packed that night.

William was on stage, singing _Uptown Funk_ and wiggling his hips, much to the delight of the women at the tables in front.

The crowd sang with him, clapping their hands, all eyes were on him, all except Kara's. She was going through the list of songs, trying to pick one, but she couldn't choose. None of the songs seemed to mean anything to her. Her mind was elsewhere, not in the present moment. 

Her cell phone vibrated and she hurried to take it out, praying that Alex would ask her for help on a crime in town, robbery, arson, she was ready for anything. She wanted to occupy her mind, to stop thinking, and here she couldn't do it.

Be careful what you wish for.

Kara just learned the meaning of this expression.

William walked off the stage to the applause of the crowd. Women asked his name, offered him a drink, but he politely refused, and made his way to his table. Empty.

Their glasses were still there, but a bill had been slipped under Kara's. 

She was gone.

* * *

When Kara arrived at the lab, she found Alex waiting for her, pacing in front of a computer.

"I'm here, what's up, your message just said to get here and hurry."

Alex waved her over, showed her the chess site discussion.

Kara sighed as she read the names of the players.

"Do you know who this is?"

Kara rubbed her eyebrows, looking baffled.

"Yes, it's Lex and Lena. Sebastian Melmoth is the pen name of a writer I can't remember who he liked when he was young. And Anastasia is his nickname for Lena when she was little, the lost princess."

"Okay..."

Kara uttered a little angry grunt.

"I know," said Alex. "From what I could see, this conversation started over a week ago."

"She didn't tell us, she hid it from us, lied to us, again."

Kara gritted her teeth, realizing that Lena still couldn't be trusted. Three weeks ago, though, her apology seemed sincere. She even looked emotional when she asked Kara for forgiveness. So why go down the same risky path a few days later?

J’onn motioned for them to meet him in the containment room.

Kara saw Lena, in a white lab coat, unconscious on the floor.

"What the hell is that thing..." she asked, pointing to the slimy octopus-like figure.

"This is Narwak, a creature from my planet."

"Looks like..." Kara began as she approached.

She stopped abruptly. The creature had just thrown one of its toothed tentacles in her direction, as if trying to bite her.

Alex pulled Kara back. "Look out!" 

J'onn waved to them to stay close to the airlock, away from Lena. "Yes, indeed, it looks a lot like the creature that attacked you..."

Kara remembered the false reality that Alex had to save her from, and didn't want to go through that again.

"The difference is that Narwak will not attack just anyone who crosses its path. It's a bit like a hound dog, a tracker. You give it the scent of a person, and it will then hunt them down."

"Lex," the Danvers sisters said at the same time.

"There's a good chance, yes. Sebastian Melmoth's little gift." J'onn said, "Lena was bitten by Narwak and is now in its grip, we must get her out."

"Where exactly is she?" Kara asked with a sigh.

She couldn't believe that this was happening. How could Lena have been so careless? How could she not have anticipated that one of Lex's gifts would turn out to be a poison apple? She'd been talking to him for days, should have warned them. 

Kara listened to J'onn explain that it wouldn't exactly be virtual reality, but rather memories. Kara listened but couldn't feel pity for Lena, she resented her too much for that. 

"And how do we get her out?" Alex asked.

J'onn laid eyes on Kara. "Until less than a minute ago, I had no idea, but after seeing how Narwak reacted to your approach, Kara, I think I know now..."

J'onn turned his gaze away towards Alex, who immediately understood where he was going with this.

"No, it's not going to happen. We're not sending Kara in there like I was sent to find her."

"Alex, it's not like last time. I can't just immerse whoever I want in Narwak's connection, it doesn't work like that. It' a tracker, it..."

Alex pushed Kara back and stood between her and J'onn.

"There's a reason that thing reacted to Kara and not to both of us. That's what Lex is doing, he's using Lena as bait to get to her, that's all."

"The first breadcrumb..." Kara whispered.

Alex turned to her sister. "This isn't a children's story here, we're not in Hansel and Gretel. Kara, it's too risky. We have to wait and..."

"Actually, the clock is ticking." J'onn cut her off.

The sisters stared at him intently.

"Lena's time is running out, she can't stay under Narwak's bite indefinitely. As it bit her, it released its venom into her body. This venom will only be deadly if she does not awaken on her own. If she does not find her way back. If you, Kara, do not show her the way out."

Alex grabbed her sister's arm while continuing to stare at J'onn. As if she was silently begging him to find another solution.

"It's still too risky. How do we know Kara will succeed? How do we know it's not doomed to fail? Lex is a maniac, Lena lied to us, again."

J'onn took the few steps that separated him from the Danvers. "I'm going to stay connected to Kara's mind, like a lifeline. She can get out of there whenever she wants, but she's the only one who can do this. She's the only one Narwak will let in. If it becomes too risky, we'll make the appropriate decision at that time."

"I have to try," Kara said reluctantly. 

Alex gritted her teeth, really didn't like what was happening.

Nevertheless, Kara was made to lie down next to Lena.

Narwak wiggled in Kara's direction, sliding a tentacle towards her arm.

"You'll soon enter Lena's memories, and those the creature chose won't be happy. Try to hang in there because I don't know how many times you can get in and out."

Alex took her sister's hand in hers as she crouched next to her. "If anything goes wrong, you ask J'onn to get you out of there, okay? Promise me."

Kara looked at her sister. "I promise."

Kara took a slow breath. Getting inside Lena's head was really the last thing she wanted right now.

"Close your eyes," J'onn asked. 

* * *

Kara felt dragged down. She arrived in a room with concrete walls and a concrete floor that looked like a prison. Yet the room was set up like a scientific laboratory. 

Kara turned around when she heard Lex's voice behind her. She discovered him, talking with Lena.

Lena realized Lex knew all along that her experiment would never work. She was confronting him about it. 

Kara thought this must have been the moment that finally made Lena realize she'd chosen the wrong side.

Without warning, Lex yelled at Lena at the top of his lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

Kara didn't move, standing motionless, watching as Lex walked inches away from lena as she closed her eyes, absorbing all the anger her brother was pouring on her.

Kara heard Lex's words, but she only looked at Lena. How her eyebrows furrowed, how her lips tightened. The fear and helplessness could be seen in Lena's features. Kara watched as she tensed with each new rise in Lex's tone, saying nothing, taking it all in without trying to defend herself. 

Kara didn't understand, it wasn't the Lena she knew, or had known. As Lex started whispering near his sister's face, Kara remembered something Lena had said to her a few weeks before. _"You can yell at me if you want, I know I deserve it."_

Kara put her hand to her mouth as she realized how Lena's words took on a whole new meaning now. 

"You're a monster."

Lena had finally opened her eyes and Kara felt relieved.

"That doesn't mean I have to be one too," Lena said.

Kara felt drawn in again, as if she was going through the floor. She landed in a windowless room, some kind of bunker.

Lex appeared through his portal watch, slumped to the floor as Lena pressed some kind of gun to his neck.

Kara realized that this was the moment Lena had told her about at the fortress, the moment she shot Lex. But more importantly, learning she was Supergirl.

Indeed, Lena shot her brother, who seemed proud of her for the first time in his life. Agonizing, he pulled himself up on a chair and activated the screens, revealing images of Kara and Supergirl.

He gave Lena a list of all the people she loved who lied to her. 

"Denial is a powerful thing, isn't it?"

Kara took her eyes off the screens and turned to Lena. She saw she was in shock at the revelation. 

"You're left with no one, and nothing ," he said with is dying breath.

Kara went to stand in front of Lena, between her and the screens.

"Lena?"

She didn't answer, looked through Kara, her breathing becoming more and more noisy.

_"I killed my brother for you."_ Kara remembered. When Lena had told her this in the fortress, Kara could only imagine the scene, now she had seen it, the origin of all that was to follow.

If only Lena had made a different decision at that exact moment. Kara knew, saw how much Lena was suffering, would have wanted her to come and talk to her directly. But instead, Lena had chosen to come to game night with them as if nothing had happened, to pretend. Instead, she manipulated her, lied to her, used her. She made a choice.

The wrong choice.

Kara felt a strange feeling of guilt in her lower abdomen.

She knew trust and betrayal were Lena's weaknesses. But she also felt her own pain and sadness caused by Lena's use of kryptonite against her. There was only one thing that could hurt her physically, and Lena had used it to hurt her deeply. For Kara to understand or out of sheer cruelty, she didn't know, not anymore.

Lena had been hurt, betrayed, but hadn't they all been hurt before? Nothing excused what she had dared to do. Kara forced herself to believe that she thought that. Then why didn't that feeling in her stomach go away?

"J'onn?"

Kara looked up, even though she knew it didn't make sense.

"I want out, now."

Kara opened her eyes. For a second, she forgot where she was and what had just happened, like waking up from a short, unexpected nap. 

"Kara, are you okay?" Alex asked.

Kara nodded her head as she sat up.

"Slowly," said J'onn, "you asked to get out."

Kara nodded her head again in response and massaged her forehead.

"It's not working, Lena can't hear me, doesn't know I'm in there. I won't be able to get her out."

Alex stroked her hair. J'onn passed his hand on his chin, looking pensive. 

"You're too much on the surface."

"What?" Alex asked.

Kara looked up at him, suspected what he meant.

"Kara didn't go deep enough, she's just a spectator to Lena's memories. I can't guarantee anything, but I think if I let you dive to a deeper level, you'll make contact."

"Wouldn't that be too risky?" Alex took Kara's hands in hers and squeezed them.

"It's okay Alex, I'll be fine, I'll be back soon," Kara said smiling, trying to be convincing. 

Alex smiled back at her and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Be careful, okay?"

"Oh, Kara." J'onn put his hand on her shoulder. "I want to warn you, if you go any deeper, you'll probably get in contact with Lena. But this also means you will not only see, you might also feel."

"Feel?" Kara said quietly.

J'onn nodded.

"Lie down, you'll see soon enough. Come back soon, and with Lena."

J'onn helped her get back into position, then concentrated again.

"Let's go," he said in a calm voice.

Kara closed her eyes and felt herself leaving, a bit like on a fast downhill run in the rollercoaster.

* * *

Kara found herself at the entrance to the Luthor mansion. The door opened, and an icy wind blew snowflakes inside. A Lex in his late twenties let in a young Lena, then entered and closed behind him. She was no more than 16 or 17 years old. 

He took off her long coat, revealing her schoolgirl outfit. He asked her about the boarding school, her studies, the chess team.

Kara followed them on their way to the grand salon. Lena rushed to the marble fireplace and Lex came to offer her a whiskey. She hesitated for a moment, knowing she wasn't old enough.

"The parents aren't here, don't worry," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She shyly smiled and accepted the drink. Lena took a sip and her face tensed up but she managed to hold her cough.

Kara put her hand to her throat and felt the warmth of the alcohol. Now she understood what J'onn had meant.

Lex smiled at his little sister and then moved to the grand piano in the middle of the room. Lena took a seat on a large leather armchair, continued to take small sips as she watched him starting to play. Kara could see the admiration on her young face.

He played a loud and sinister melody. His fingers moved passionately on the keys, filling the room with his gloomy music.

Kara felt hypnotized by the sound, didn't immediately realize that Lena had just dozed off in her chair. When Lex left the piano to join his sister, he didn't seem at all surprised to find her like this, with her glass in hand, far away in a deep sleep.

He took her in his arms as if she weighed nothing, then went to a door hidden behind a bookcase. Kara followed him down a long spiral staircase under the mansion. 

Lex led them to some kind of laboratory. He laid Lena on a stretcher and strapped her wrists and ankles. 

Kara hurried to join her, but as she tried to untie her, her hands went through. As if everything around her was just smoke.

Lex pushed the end of the metronome's weight, and it began to beat the measure. Then he started the turntable. The same melody he'd played on the piano echoed through the lab. 

Lex put probes all over Lena's body, then switched to his monitors.

"Subject test for research into the subconscious mind and how to control it, December 23, 9:47 p.m."

Lex picked up a journal and started writing notes by hand.

"The strongest emotion, and therefore most likely to provoke a reaction, is, of course, fear."

Kara took turns looking at Lena and Lex, unable to believe what she was seeing. It couldn't be true, this couldn't be a real memory. Kara put her hand close to Lena's arm and this time she could touch her skin, felt how cold it was. 

"Let's see what we can learn tonight," Lex said as he went to stand next to Lena. 

He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. Then everything went black.

Kara found herself lying on the floor on the black and white tiles of a sumptuous bathroom. She grimaced, feeling a sharp pain in her upper left leg. She straightened up, ran her fingers over to realize she was bleeding. 

"What the hell is this?"

Kara got up and grabbed a towel to try to stop the bloodshed. After weighing heavily for a moment, she looked again, only to realize the blood had completely disappeared. 

Kara heard sobs coming from the adjoining room. As she came out of the bathroom she froze in place.

Sitting on the edge of a large four-poster bed, Lena held the side of her schoolgirl skirt up. With her other hand, she made deep cuts across her skin, spilling blood down the side of her skirt.

"Lex is right. It's a shame they let me carry the Luthor name."

Kara glimpses chess competition trophies and certificates of excellence hanging on the walls.

"I don't deserve it. I'll never be worth it."

Kara felt the burn from the cut that Lena was making, emitted a small muffled moan.

"Lena..."

The teenage girl was startled. The blade slipped off her fingers and fell to the ground. Lena turned her eyes towards Kara and her gaze became terrified. She pulled down her skirt.

"Who are you?"

Kara went to kneel before her.

"What are you doing here?"

Kara watched the blood slowly run down young Lena's knee. Her heart clutched at the sight.

"I've come to help you."

"Help me with what? Who are you?" 

Lena's voice had grown higher. Kara felt her fear. 

"LENA?" A deep man's voice echoed from far away in the mansion. 

Kara knew it was Lionel Luthor, Lena's father. Not that she recognized the voice, but if Lena knew it, Kara knew it too.

Lena jumped off the bed and ran out of her room.

"Wait."

Kara set off in pursuit, but as soon as she stepped out of the room, she instantly found herself in the snow. It was a dark night and the wind was blowing gusts of snow. 

She saw Lena just ahead, her long black hair floating in the icy air, her breath leaving her in white smoke.

"LENA!" Shouted Lionel's voice again.

The girl turned to Kara, her eyes panicked. She didn't want her father to find her.

Kara went to take her hand and ran, hearing the voice coming dangerously close. They ran to the edge of the woods, under the coniferous trees.

Kara could feel Lena's thin fingers clenching against her hand, as if she was afraid she would let go of her.

They emerged on the shore of a lake in another season. The autumn colours had sheltered the forest with red and orange.

A woman's screams rang out. Near the dock, she sank into the water. 

"Mother!" Lena cried out.

She let go of Kara and ran like crazy. By the time Lena reached the dock, the woman had already disappeared beneath the surface.

Lena bent over the water, screaming at her mother that she couldn't see anymore.

Kara saw her fall into the water.

"LENA!"

Kara ran to the beach and dove in. She swam through the dark water, spotted Lena's body sinking to the depths. Kara reached out to grab Lena's hand. Their fingers brushed together as Lex's demented laughter echoed around them.

Kara found herself once again in the lab under the mansion. Lex clapped his hands with a smile on his face, satisfied with his experiment.

The turntable was squeaking, the music was over.

Lena woke up bending over, coughing as if she had swallowed water, had actually drowned.

She squirmed as she realized she was tied up. Kara brought her hand to her heart, suddenly feeling what Lena was feeling. Pure panic.

Lena started crying, begging her brother to untie her. 

Lex ignored her, shut down his files and screens.

"You're pathetic. You're almost a woman, and yet when I look at you, I still see that insecure, stupid child my father brought home 13 years ago."

Lena stopped crying. Lex turned to look her straight in the eye. On his face was contempt and disgust. 

Kara felt like something inside her had just died. Of course it wasn't her who felt that way, it was Lena. But they were so connected right now that Kara couldn't tell the difference.

Lex turned around and walked away.

"Good night, little sister," he said, closing the light and locking the door.

Lena started crying again, screaming and fighting on the stretcher. She called out to her brother until she lost her voice. 

Kara put her hand on the stretcher as she got up. She brushed against Lena.

"Who's there?" she asked in a small voice, twitching in tears.

"It's me Lena, it's Kara. I'm going to find the light, I'm going to get you out of here."

Kara looked for the light switch on the wall. When she finally found it and lifted it up, everything around her was gone. 

She was in a hallway with tapestry walls. Austere paintings were hanging, the portraits seemed to be looking at her, wondering what she was doing here.

It was still dark, but the rain had replaced the snow, hammered the paneled windows. 

Kara went to lean against a wall, let herself slide to the floor. She could hardly believe what she had just seen. One thing was certain, she realized she'd judged Lena too harshly. What she had done was morally unacceptable. But after seeing that last memory, she measured the extent of the darkness in Lena.

How that darkness didn't come from her the way she thought it did, no. It had been forced upon her, forcibly implanted as she went through such trauma. She'd grown up with it, tried to resist it probably all her life. But it didn't work.

Kara realized that after Lex died, lena was only trying to protect herself. She'd done a terrible job of it, but she had done what her childhood with the Luthors had taught her. Running away, hiding, suffocating behind her walls and suffering, alone.

A sinister melody was heard. Kara followed it, recognizing it by the sound. She arrived in the large library, surprised to see Lena and not Lex at the piano. She was no longer seventeen, was the woman Kara knew, had known.

She played beautifully. The same melody that Lex had played, but in her own way, softly. Kara felt the emotion rise as she realized how the loop was completed before her eyes, aggressor and victim bound by the same music. 

Kara went to sit on the bench to her right and watched her play. Lena's pale, thin fingers moved over the ivory and ebony keys with ease. She finished the melody in a decrescendo of high and sad notes.

"How did you find me?" Lena asked, turning her eyes to the high windows overlooking the gardens.

Lena seemed neither relieved nor curious, didn't seem to feel anything.

"I'm here to get you out."

The rain intensified. Outside, the trees were bending in the wind.

"I deserve to be here, if only for being stupid enough to be trapped by my brother and his creature, I was a fool." said Lena, rubbing her upper thigh.

Kara noticed her gesture, now knew that under Lena's pants, in that very spot, were scars from previous times where Lena had felt stupid, had mutilated her body to punish herself. 

Kara took the hand that Lena had put on her leg.

"Come with me."

Lena turned her gaze away from the window and set it on Kara.

"Why would I do that?"

Kara clutched her fingers around Lena's, surprised to see her hesitate.

"Because we can't stay here."

Lena's features hardened. 

"As a matter of fact, you don't belong here. You should never have come."

Kara's chin clenched, her lips tightened. Lena couldn't really think that.

"You'll die if I leave you here."

Lena sighed as she broke their stare, looking again at the storm raging.

"Lex wouldn't kill me."

"How do you know, you've..." Kara paused.

"I killed him, is that what you were going to say?"

"I didn't mean to, I..."

Lena raised her hand to interrupt what was in any case a sentence going nowhere.

"I'm not Lex. He wouldn't let me die. This isn't his kind of revenge. It's way too quick."

Kara believed her. She saw Lena sobbing in the dark calling for help, wondering how many times Lex had done this kind of experiment on her. She didn't dare ask, though. Not yet, not here.

"Let's go, I beg you."

"No."

Kara shook Lena's hand, which she was still holding, to try to make her look at her again.

"Why?"

"Stop asking that question."

"But..."

"Go away, Kara, I belong here. Lex and I aren't done yet."

The rain and the branches from the trees started whipping up the windows.

"Lena, let's go. Lex wants you here as a prisoner, obviously to torture you. Don't give him what he wants."

"What about what I want?"

Kara raised her eyebrows.

"You can't seriously want that?"

Kara posed, brushed against Lena's chin, turned her face to look into her eyes.

The glass doors to the gardens opened wide. The storm had found them, entered the mansion.

Kara got up from the piano and stepped back, freeing Lena that hadn't wanted to move.

"Lena, I beg you, come with me," she said, waving at her to approach.

"Why should I go with you?"

"Better with me than with Lex, right?"

Kara's voice was imploring.

"Maybe" Lena massaged her thigh again and her fingers got bloodstained through her pants, "but what the..."

"Focus on my voice, focus on me, you're almost there, please get up."

Kara reached out her hand and Lena hesitated for a short moment, then finally took it.

The thunder shook the whole mansion. Their connection was collapsing and soon it would swallow them all up. The crystal chandelier above the piano broke off and fell to the ground. 

Kara pulled Lena towards her just in time. She wrapped her arms around her, looked her straight in the eyes, directly into that beautiful and troubled green.

They hadn't been this close to each other for a very long time. Their last moment together had ended with a simple handshake.

They stood there, did not move, stared at each other as the storm drew dangerously close.

"Please come back with me," Kara whispered.

Lena's eyes became watery and she just nodded.

In a blink of an eye, they felt pulled upwards, woke up in Lena's laboratory. 

Alex was with Kara, J'onn with Lena. They were checking their eyes with small flashlights, saying their names. Trying to make contact with them.

"It's over, you're out at last, you're safe and sound." J'onn told them softly.

Kara blinked repeatedly, not feeling well at all. She felt a horrible burn on her arm, where the creature had just bitten her. 

"Kara? Kara can you hear me, it's me, it's Alex. Kara?"

Kara just managed to point the bite, which was getting redder and redder on her arm. Her sister's voice echoed around her. 

Kara passed out in her sister's arms, under Lena's mortified gaze.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my new beta. You may know her as Flame Boiled Whobber on Twitter. She gave very good advice and I owe her the proofreading of this chapter.
> 
> Now that Kara's seen a lot about Lena's past, how are they going to deal with it? I'm continuing the descent into what she's kept hidden for so long, hoping you enjoy the ride!

Kara opened her eyes, taking a few seconds to realize where she was. She was in her sister's room, on her bed. A warm, orange light emanated from a lamp above her. She leaned on her elbows to try to get up, but was immediately interrupted by Alex.

“Slowly, slowly.” she said in a deep voice.

Kara lay down again. She felt a pinch in her right temple, then another near her collarbone. Instinctively, she reached out her hand to scratch at it, but Alex took her hand in hers.

“These are sensors to monitor your vital signs. Leave them there for a little while longer, will you?”

Kara grimaced.

“For me, please.”

Alex's voice, soft and soothing, managed to convince Kara to endure the pinching that was making her itch more and more. 

“What am I doing here, and with this?" said the blonde, pointing to the sun lamp.

“When you emerged from Lena's memories, you blacked out. It wasn't until after the creature released you that we noticed the... side effects.”

“Side effects?”

Alex nodded her head and smiled falsely.

“It seems it sucked out your life force when you connected.”

Kara raised her right arm, noticing a bandage covering where the Narwak had bitten her. 

“Don't worry, I've been changing your bandage every hour to check the state of the wound and the lamp is helping you get better. The process is slow though.”

Kara nodded.

“Will you help me up, please?”

“Of course.” said Alex as she lifted her sister to sit against the back of the bed. She moved her back forward and put two pillows behind her. 

Kara brought her legs back to her and crossed her arms around, putting her chin on her lap.

Alex climbed onto the bed and sat in front of her, caressing the bottom of her legs and feet.

“Tell me what happened.”

Kara closed her eyes, replaying the images she had been given to see. 

“It was horrible, Alex.”

Kara sighed in a twitching way, like when finishing a deep sob. Alex stroked her sister's hair.

“Tell me.”

“We thought... I thought I knew about Lena, but I was far, far from it. It was like going through the pages of a diary after I broke the lock, you know?”

“It didn't feel right.”

Kara nodded her head and looked sorry. 

“A diary with some horrible…”

Kara stopped. She herself felt like she had violated Lena's privacy, even if it was the only way to get her out of the creature's grip. But to tell her sister, no. It wouldn't be right.

Alex, as always, read on her little sister's face what she was feeling and thinking. She approached and put a kiss on the top of her head.

“No need to say more, I understand what happened. What you saw is strictly Lena's business. Lena's and yours now.”

“Thank you,” Kara said as she hugged her sister. 

The Danvers didn't share the same blood, but that sisterhood was more pure and sincere than any heredity could achieve. The Luthors were a fine example of that.

“Let's change topics, shall we?”

Alex placed herself back in front of her sister and took her hands, unable not to touch her at this moment. She had told her not to worry about the effects of Narwak, yet she herself was worried. Kara was not recovering quickly enough. The wound was singular and had no similarities to anything she had experienced during her years at the DEO.

“Where's the creature?" the blonde asked.

“As soon as she released you, J'onn and I immobilized and secured it in a sort of glass airlock that was on site. And as far as we know, it had nothing against J'onn or me. We were safe to handle it.”

“What about Lena?”

Alex ran her hand through her hair.

“What? What about her, is she okay?”

“Yeah, sort of. I mean, unlike you, she didn't faint when she emerged from Narwak's connection. But it was obvious that she was in shock. Nevertheless, she consented to only a very brief check-up from me to verify her vitals.”

“Why?”

Alex laughed as he stretched out her arms behind her back. Kara then noticed the bags under her eyes, the fact that she was wearing the same clothes as the day before. She had stayed at her bedside, neglected herself, was worried.

“So she could get back to work. As soon as she realized the creature had sucked out your life force, it was impossible to convince her to go rest. So we agreed that I would come and look after you while she stayed at the lab to start the research.” 

“She's still there?”

Kara's voice was worried and Alex caressed her cheek and smiled at her.

“No, not since…” (she looked at her watch) “not since half an hour ago. We've run a series of tests and are waiting for results. She sends me progress reports at regular intervals so I stay up to date.”

“Well, she better get some rest, too.”

Alex laughed again.

“What, what's the matter?”

“I said she's out of the lab, I didn't say she went to rest.”

“Then where did she go?”

“Calm down. Calm down. We agreed that a long period of rest at your place would be non-negotiable. And to maximize your recovery, she went to install solar lights in your apartment.”

“Is she still there?”

Alex jumped out of bed and helped her sister do the same. “Come on, I'll drive you home, it's time for me to go back to bed.”

“You're right, you look terrible.”

Kara smiled and pointed at the dark circles beneath her eyes. Alex pushed her slightly, used to Kara not flinching, but she almost loses her footing.

“It's okay, I've got you.” said Alex, taking her by the waist. “I'm so sorry, I…”

“Don't worry, I’m okay.” lied Kara.

She smiled as wide as she could, but felt her heart racing. A simple push had almost knocked her down and worse, she still felt the weight of Alex's hand on her skin, as if she had hit her hard.

Kara knew she should have told her, but she had to go to Lena, didn't want to wait any longer.

  
  


Alex led her through the night and the heavy rain. In the distance, thunder roared across the sky. Kara kissed her sister goodbye and took the bag she had prepared for her, containing strips to change her bandage and some ice cream. 

“Rest well,” Alex said as Kara got out of the car.

“You too.”

Kara closed the door and ran to the building. Too late, she was already soaked. She went inside and climbed up the steps one by one, using the handrail. When she finally reached her floor, a lightning bolt split the sky and the electricity went out.

The hallway was plunged into total darkness. At the very end, she saw light coming from under her door. Kara entered without knocking, letting the bag, which had become too heavy to carry, fall to the floor.

Kara went to lean on the counter and closed her eyes, letting the countless tiny sunlights project their invigorating rays towards her. They looked like candle-lights, diffusing a soft, vaporous light.

Another lightning bolt crossed the night sky, dazzling the apartment for a second.

"Lena?" Kara called out as she took off her dripping coat and boots.

She walked into the dining room, pushing her wet hair back. There were little lights everywhere, it was strangely beautiful.

Lena came out of the bedroom portion of the loft, a lamp in her hands.

"Hello, Kara."

Kara looked at her standing straight ahead, trying to decipher her body language. Nothing.

"Hello, Lena."

Lena held Kara's gaze for a brief moment before lowering her eyes to what she had in her hands.

“I came here to…”

“Yeah, Alex told me.”

Lena rubbed her eyebrows, keeping her eyes intently on the light, which she twirled nervously between her fingers.

“As you already know, these are sun lamps. They're self-regenerating battery operated. I designed a compound that…”

She paused, knowing that there was no point in detailing the technical terms of her invention to Kara, who would not understand it anyway.

“They'll never go out unless they're ordered to.” Lena ended by putting down the lamp she was holding in her hands.

Lena put it on the living room table, turning her back on Kara.

A silence ensued. Each one wanted to speak, but didn't know how or where to begin. Each one wanted to run away at the same time, and each one wanted to stay.

Lena turned around, startled when she realized that Kara had joined her, was less than a meter behind her.

“I think I'll go, I think I've put in enough lights. Maybe too much, actually.”

Kara looked all around them, then back to Lena.

“It's beautiful, thank you.”

Kara's voice was weak, her eyes tired.

“I'll let you rest now, good night.”

Lena walked past her quickly. She had her hand on the doorknob when she heard it, barely audible from the other end of the loft.

“Wait.”

Lena squeezed the doorknob tightly, as if to hold on to it. Holding back from leaving or staying? She wasn't sure.

“Stay.” Kara added.

The sweetness in the voice, the point of pleading reached Lena. She took her hand off the handle, turned around.

Kara smiled as she saw she had managed to convince her, but she also knew that it wouldn't last unless she found a valid reason to have Lena present.

“Alex said I shouldn't be alone, not in my condition.” Kara lied.

She felt terrible about lying to her when she swore she'd never do it again. But she was worn out, exhausted, and didn't have the energy to come up with a brilliant, sincere idea to force Lena to stay. And after all, it wasn't entirely false either.

Kara wanted to talk to her more than anything, but if she told her now, Lena would run away.

“I'm gonna stay and check in on you until she takes over.”

“Thanks, I think she needed some sleep, too.”

Lena refrained from telling Kara that she herself hadn't slept either since their awakening from Narwak's connection. But Kara didn't need to know. She seemed so small right now, so fragile. 

Kara went to her room, but Lena didn't follow her. She took off her high-heeled boots and noticed the bag at the entrance. She opened it and discovered its contents. Lena put the ice cream away and put the bandages aside. She looked at her watch, knowing that in less than an hour they would both have to change their wounds.

Lena went to sit at the island, staring at the rain on the windows. The night was agitated, battered by the storm. There was a strange similarity between what was going on out there and what was going on inside herself.

She had no clear memory of what happened when the creature bit her. Lena had woken up with a deep sense of unease. She had felt fear and terror for a brief moment when she opened her eyes. Then shame, pain and then nothing. Alex had explained to her what Narwak was all about, immersing its victim in their memories. But Lena couldn't remember, like coming out of a dream. The more she tried to remember, the more it eluded her. What she did know, however, was that Kara had made the leap in her memory to look for her. So she had seen things, but what? 

That's what was troubling Lena the most, what Kara might have seen.

After a while, Lena realized Kara wasn't coming back. So she hurried to the room, only to find her lying on her bed, half dressed, deeply asleep.

Lena got her under the blankets and sat down on a chair by the bed. She watched her sleep, peacefully, for almost an hour. Then, gently, Lena began to change the bandage on her arm without waking her. But as she finished, the blonde started to yawn, then to stretch, and finally she opened her eyes.

“Good morning,” she says to Lena with a smile.

“You've been asleep for less than an hour, Kara.”

“Oh…”

“Go back to sleep, it's late.” she said as she walked into the living room.

Kara rubbed her eyes, feeling strangely better already. She decided to get up, remembering what her sister had left her. 

Kara hid her joy when she noticed that Lena had put the ice cream in the freezer. She took the vanilla and chocolate chip, two spoons, and went to the living room in her turn.

She handed a spoon to Lena who refused with a wave of her hand.

“You're hungry, I see. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I'm so hungry.” said Kara, sitting on the other end of the couch. 

They were less than two metres away and yet it was as if they were not in the same room, the same city. Usually they would sit close together. Talk confidently and share laughter. But that was before, long before.

Kara took a huge blanket and covered her legs. Without asking Lena's permission, she covered her feet at the same time. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, smelling the air, letting the rays penetrate her, feeling their effects.

When Kara exhaled and brought her head forward, Lena noticed that her face didn't look so tired anymore. 

“Thanks again for the lights, they really are helping. I feel better just being here at home.” Kara exaggerated.

Lena just nodded her head. She found it difficult to look at Kara without feeling again all the emotions she had felt when she awoke from Narwak. She was hurting physically, though she was unsure why.

Lena unconsciously massaged her upper thigh, which did not go unnoticed by Kara. She stared at the spot on Lena's leg where she had seen her cut herself when she was a teenager. Lena noticed Kara's suddenly troubled look on her face. She followed her eyeliner to her thigh, and understood immediately. She hastened to pull the blanket up to her hips.

Kara flinched when she saw Lena's reaction and immediately felt bad.

“Tell me exactly what you saw.”

Kara swallowed with difficulty, felt the cold bite descend too slowly down her throat. She put the lid back on and put the ice cream and her spoon on the coffee table. Lena's question was direct.

The ice was broken, the conversation the two of them wanted to have and run away from had just begun, for better or worse.

Kara took a deep breath.

“Your memories.”

“You mean my bad memories.”

Kara nodded.

“What else?”

“You want me to tell you everything I saw?”

“Yes”

“Why is that?”

“Didn't I ask you not to ask that question?”

Kara smiles falsely, remembering Lena in that last moment spent connected together. She said the exact same words.

“You remember then?”

“Hardly anything, no, which is why I want to hear you tell me.”

“Are you sure?”

No, Lena was far from it, but more than anything, she didn't want Kara to know. 

“Yes, I want to know exactly what you know.”

Lena's tone had become reproving. Kara noticed it immediately, which added a notch to her guilt about violating Lena's privacy.

“I'm sorry if I saw things I shouldn't have…”

Lena shook her head, clenched her teeth, raised her hand to Kara to interrupt her.

“Tell me what you saw.”

Kara closed her eyes and looked sorry.

“These memories... I wish you could have told me when you were ready. Not by force, not like that.” 

Kara hesitated for a brief moment, looking for her courage and opened her eyes again.

“But with everything that's happened over the last few months, I don't know if you…”

Lena laughed mirthlessly.

“No, I would never have revealed those memories to you. Even before.”

“Oh…”

Kara felt her heart clench at the answer. Sad to see the limits of what she believed had been the deepest friendship in her life. 

“So now, please Kara, tell me.”

Lena's stern look had changed. Her green eyes were almost imploring, her chin held back from tensing up. Kara realized what Lena was doing behind her wall, suffocating with fear and above all, uncertainty. She wanted to know the extent of the damage, how much of what she was trying to hide had been dug up. How much she needed to fortify her walls again.

Kara would've wanted to change subject, talk about what happened in the last few months between them. She hadn't wanted to do it when Lena showed up at her door, still hurting from seeing her joining Lex after all he'd done. But to know now the hold he had had on her, even since childhood, changed everything. Kara realized the achievement that had been the turning point when Lena had finally turned away from him, admitted she had been wrong, sought and crawled towards her forgiveness. 

Tonight was not the time to talk about all this again, yet someday they would have to.

Kara told her how she found herself in the first memory. Lex at the prison and how he yelled at her.

Lena simply nodded, as if it were a memory like any other, ordinary. But it wasn't. Kara thought that if Alex had ever talked to her like that, this bad memory would have been at the top of her list of the worst moments between sisters. But with the Luthors, for Lena, it seemed like a normal situation.

Kara didn't know what was the saddest part of this whole thing. Lex's violence, or Lena's reaction.

As Lena stared at her without saying anything, Kara concluded that she had to go on, it was not worth dwelling on this memory, apparently. 

“Then, out of nowhere, I got carried away into another moment, the one where you... where Lex died.”

Another nod. Not that Lena wasn't affected that Kara was in those moments, but she was able to stay calm. Her walls were still standing, had not been scaled or torn down. In the first memory it was just a brother and sister conversation, in the second, Kara already knew about it. Lena had already entrusted her in the fortress of solitude. Nothing too major so far.

“That's it for the first phase.” Kara says, rubbing her eyes.

She was starting to feel tired again. This discussion was already difficult, and would not become lighter, on the contrary.

“First phase?” Lena asked.

“Yeah, I went twice. After these two memories I went out because I was too much on the surface, as a spectator. I couldn't talk to you. At least that's what I've been told.”

Lena passed her hand over her eyebrows, dreading what the second wave would be like. 

“It's after this that it gets a little…”

“Go ahead," Lena replied, cutting her off.

Kara took a deep breath and began to relay the memory. To say that she had already seen a young Lena, a teenage version of the renowned, powerful and respected businesswoman was strange. She explained the time of the year, a homecoming during the holiday break, the absence of her parents, the drink offered by Lex.

Kara took short breaks, noticing at times Lena's mask cracking. But she could only stop for a few seconds, afraid that she would not be able to continue afterwards. 

Kara recounted the rest of the memory in a hoarse voice as she couldn't believe it really happened. Lex had tied Lena up, experimented on her, tortured her psychologically.

Kara arrived just as she had seen Lena hurt herself. How she mutilated herself because she hated herself so much, felt she'd never be good enough.

With those words, she saw the mask break on Lena's face. She simply closed her eyes, opened her lips slightly to allow herself to breathe.

“Lena?”

“Are you done?”

“No, I…”

“Then don't stop.”

Lena's voice was broken. Kara wanted to pull her close and hold her, but there was still so much left to say.

Kara continued, speaking about Lionel Luthor's voice, their escape into a labyrinth and the lake they'd been plunged into before finally emerging in Lex's lab once more. Only so that he could then leave her there alone in the dark, in spite of her pleas.

Lena began to breathe in a jerky way, feeling the heavy stones of her walls falling around her. Kara had seen too much, way too much.

“Lena, I'm sorry.”

Lena got up and went to the window. She couldn't stay in front of her. 

“Then?” asked Lena.

“Then what? Lena, this memory is…”

“Don't you think I already know that?” Lena cut her off.

“I'm so sorry.” Kara said again.

Lena looked out at the rain that was still coming down.

“Stop apologizing to me, please.”

“ Sor…”

Kara stopped herself, ran her hand through her hair, and stood up. She walked towards Lena whose back was turned to her, held out her hand to touch her but changed her mind at the last moment. The memory of all the hugs they had shared came back to her. Friendly, but long and sincere, taking the time to show each other how much they meant to one another. Today, it was as if it was a different world. Another Lena. Another Kara.

So Kara went and stood beside her, neither too close nor too far away, and stared at the rain in turn.

“Lex is a monster.” Kara said in a voice between anger and sorrow.

Lena swallowed with difficulty. Kara had no idea how right she was.

“How often did this happen?”

“Define  _ often _ .”

“Oh Lena.” said Kara, realizing what that answer meant. 

Her tone was afflicted.

“What do you want me to tell you, Kara? That my brother, the golden boy, the prodigy has actually been a psychopath since we were kids? That he only showed his true colors when we were alone?”

Lena put one hand on the window as if to stop herself from falling forward. Her head tilted down, her long hair was now hiding her face. Her other hand was resting on her mouth, to keep her sobs from coming out. There was no wall left, only a broken woman surrounded by her shattered ramparts.

Kara felt her throat closing, now knowing what kind of childhood Lena had had. What kind of models she had grown up with. 

Kara put her hand on Lena's shoulder and Lena flinched at the touch. A reflex that Kara knew was from someone who'd been abused, even molested. And in Lena's case, Kara now knew it had been more than once.

“And then?” Lena asked again in a hoarse voice without standing up, without daring to look at Kara directly in front of her.

“Then a mansion, you playing piano, beautifully.”

Lena remembered that moment clearly, as if it was emerging from the depths, as if it had just happened.

“I remember,” said Lena as she suddenly stood up. She wiped her eyes as she turned her back to Kara, replaced her long hair and adjusted her suit.

“I sat down next to you and…”

“It's okay, Kara, I remember this moment. You can stop…”

“But Lena--” Kara started, as she walked to her.

Lena turned and grabbed her by the shoulders to immobilize her. She plunged her reddened eyes into hers. Kara's heart missed a beat.

“Please, Kara, I can't take it anymore.”

Kara went to apologize again but held back.

“Can I give you a hug?”

Normally, Kara would not have asked this question, but after what she had observed from Lena's previous reaction by simply placing her hand on her shoulder, consent had become essential.

Lena felt her throat close completely and Kara saw her eyes instantly become wet at the question. Nevertheless, Lena took a step back, shaking her head. She, more than anything else in the world, would have wanted to cuddle in Kara's reassuring embrace. But right now, she didn't feel worthy, didn't deserve it. Lena rubbed her upper thigh. In the blink of an eye, she was that teenage girl again, mutilating the person she hated so much.

“I have to go run some more tests on the creature.” Lena lied, as she walked away.

“Don't do that.”

Kara followed her to the door.

“Stay with me.”

Lena opened the door, avoiding Kara's gaze. She disappeared into the hallway, her memories of past traumas still churning in her mind. Painful as if they were from yesterday. 

* * *

After Lena had left, Kara had fallen on her bed. She'd been staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of rain on her loft windows. The solar lights had continued to be effective and Kara had finally fallen asleep, despite the fear of dreaming about Lena's subconscious images.

The next morning, Alex came to join her and made her breakfast. Kara's bandage was changed, her vitals monitored. She was getting better and it showed. But she wasn't fully recovered yet. However Alex allowed herself to breathe.

The Danvers sisters drove to Lena's lab, found it empty, except for the Narwak. The creature was suctioned onto one of the glass walls of its containment chamber, motionless. 

Alex had Kara lie down on an upholstered lounger and put a series of probes on her to continue her analysis. She turned on a sun lamp and left her to rest, retreating to to her computers. 

As Kara drifted back to sleep under the warm, soothing rays, her sister decided to take her search in a completely different direction. For several hours she went through tales, legends, both recent and especially ancient. History always had something to teach and she felt that there were answers hidden here on earth, in the past.

* * *

Kara woke up shaking. She was still in the lab, but she was alone.

“Alex?”

No answer.

The mechanized sound of the laboratory entrance door sounded and Kara sighed in relief. How long had she been sleeping?

“I thought you'd left without me.” Kara began as she waited for her sister to arrive.

The sound of footsteps approaching confirmed to her, however, that it wasn't Alex, far from it. Heels clicked on the polished cement.

Lena turned the corner, but stopped when she saw that Kara was there. Of course she heard her as soon as she walked through the door. But hearing her and seeing her had two totally different effects.

“Lena? Where's Alex?”

Kara didn't understand.

“What are you doing here?” Lena replied, ignoring her question. 

Kara removed her probes, turned off the light and stood up massaging her temples.

“Excellent question. I came with Alex, she was doing research and I...well, I must have dozed off.”

Lena nodded her head, squeezed her purse in front of her, as if to use it as a shield.

“Alex called me, asked me to come and see what she found out today.”

Kara shook her head as she looked up and down at Lena. She was well dressed again, hair done, clothes ironed. Most importantly, all traces of crying had disappeared from her face--no redness, no bags under her eyes. One of the many things Lena excelled at was the art of acting as if everything was fine, as if nothing had happened.

Lena went to the standby computer station, the one Alex had used shortly before. She opened the minimized file at the bottom of the screen. 

“What's this all about?” Kara asked as she joined her.

“This is the analysis and testing portion of the stimuli causing a positive acceptance reaction of the psyche's connection with the creature.”

Kara raised her eyebrows, not sure she understood. Lena didn't bother rephrasing, though, and instead read Alex's conclusions. She had linked pages of old archives from Central America where myths and legends referred to a creature of the same kind. 

Lena then opened a scan of ink drawings from the last century.

“Is that our creature?” Kara asked.

Lena leaned closer to the screen, as the drawing was very old and its lines blurred. Kara took off her glasses and approached in turn. Their faces were within inches of each other, but they didn't pay attention. They stared at the drawing, looking for similarities to the Narwak.

Lena tilted her head slightly to the side. 

“Looks like it. According to your sister's research, the Incas may have been in contact with the same creature. Some of them even seemed to worship it.”

Kara turned to Lena, surprised by the discovery. The green and blue eyes stared at each other, instantly realizing their proximity. Lena turned her head away and pulled back a little on the bench. Kara realized it was time for her to move to the other side of the desk. She wouldn't be able to see the screen, but she wouldn't disturb Lena's space.

Lena closed the scan of the drawing and returned to Alex's texts. She read aloud passages here and there according to what the tribes worshipping the Narwak did during sacred rituals. Then, suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, she stopped. 

Kara saw her face contort into a mixture of surprise and fear.

“Lena?”

She did not answer, put her hand to her mouth, closed her eyes and shook her head.

Kara got up, walked around the desk again and went to look at the screen. It was now showing a kind of Incan hieroglyphics with a representation of the creature attached to the arms of two humans.

“What does it say? Did Alex do the translation?”

Lena shook her head again, her eyes still closed. Kara closed the page and went back to Alex's report document, it stopped there. 

"I don't get it. But why did Alex wanted you to see this? Lena?"

Lena had risen from her seat without saying a word and was on her way out.

"Where are you going?"

But Lena was already exiting the lab. Without warning, without a backward glance, she was just gone.

* * *

Lena closed her penthouse door swiftly. She walked over to the entrance table and dropped her purse. She fixed herself in the mirror on the wall, hating what she saw there. A pathetic, weak woman no one wanted or trusted. A Luthor.

Lena smashed her reflection with a punch. The mirror shattered noisily. Lena looked down on the floor, contemplating her reflection, broken into countless pieces. It now matched her vision of herself. 

She glimpsed bright red droplets splashing on pieces of mirror. Lena closed her eyes and tilted her head back. She concentrated on the pain in her right hand, where she knew a deep gash had been made. She could feel the blood running down her fingers, slowly leaving her. The pain was still so intoxicating, just as it had been in her teenage years. 

Lena stayed like that for a while, without worrying about time passing by, without worrying about everything that had just happened, about what she had read in the Incan texts. 

When the wound stopped bleeding on its own, Lena went to the bathroom and carefully bandaged her hand. Then she went to her walk-in closet, packed her bags and left her penthouse once more. 

She couldn't stay in National City any longer, she had to leave, run away, immediately.

* * *

Alex arrived at the lab, finding Kara at the computer, absorbed in the Narwak research.

“You asked me to come over?”

Kara gasped.

“Yes.”

Kara turned to her sister and ran her hand through her hair, stunned.

“So, how did it go.” Alex asked softly, knowing the subject was delicate.

Kara shrugged, looking confused.

“You don’t know?” Alex asked.

Alex frowned, confused by her sister's answer.

“What do you want me to say, it happened, there's really not much to tell.”

Kara rubbed her temples and Alex came and sat on the bench next to her.

“After what you've just learned, I'm sure you have a lot more thoughts. Come on, tell me how it went.”

Alex stared at her with a gentle, comforting look.

“Why are you looking at me like that and what are you talking about?”

Alex leaned back on her bench and put her hand to her mouth.

“So you don't know…”

“Know what?”

Alex sighed and pulled the computer keyboard towards her. She opened the scan of hieroglyphics she'd looked at earlier.

“That.” Alex said. “That's why I brought Lena here and left without you. You needed to clear it up with Lena.”

“Well, yes, I've seen it, but I don't understand the language. I guess Lena did, because when she opened it, she left without warning.”

Kara got up from the office and started pacing.

Alex swivelled on her bench, watching her sister walk while rubbing her forehead. She had to tell her. It should have been Lena. But now she had no choice.

Alex took a deep breath.

“This ancient text tells of a profane rite different from all the others I have been able to find linked to the Narwak. Usually it was used for the purposes of torture, sentencing, and death.” 

Kara kept walking, staring at her feet.

“But this last ritual was different, for the first time it referred to the use of the creature on two people at the same time.”

Alex cleared her throat, knowing that she had done quite enough setting up.

“For a high-birth premarital rite, the heir was subjected to the creature's grasp. Then came the aspirants. The chosen one would be designated by a favourable reaction from Narwak to its approach.”

Kara stopped but didn't raise her head.

“What I'm trying to say, Kara, is that if you were the only one who could connect with the creature, it wasn't because the Narwak had been tracking you as part of Lex's conspiracy. It chose to connect with you because you were Lena's choice, her only choice. Because she's…”

Alex paused as Kara finally dared to look her in the eye.

“Because she's in love with you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about chapter 2? 
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it, it's always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to start by thanking, again, my beta for this chapter. I owe you some lovely ideas that will have beautifully complemented mine. I'm really grateful to have you.

For this chapter, I suggest you these musics going with certain very precise moments. 

When Lena plays piano at the beginning :

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60LLKmpgzRM ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60LLKmpgzRM)

Gramphone music :

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ6buLNIgs8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ6buLNIgs8)

The piano moment between Lena and Kara towards the end :

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqZME0u3sco&list=RDxqZME0u3sco&start_radio=1 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqZME0u3sco&list=RDxqZME0u3sco&start_radio=1)

  
  


* * *

Kara landed clumsily on Lena's balcony. There was no way she was going to let Alex drive her down here, she couldn't wait.

She entered the penthouse plunged into shadow.

"Lena?"

No answer came.

Kara walked through the living room, saw the condition of the entrance, the broken mirror on the floor. She approached slowly, having noticed a dark spot among the shards. Her fears were confirmed, it was blood, Lena's blood.

Lena wasn't here anymore, Kara had felt it before she even landed.

She called Alex as she wandered around the penthouse. Looking for a clue, anything that might tell her where she'd been. Nothing.

“She's gone, Alex.” Kara said as she returned to the balcony. 

“Where could she go? Metropolis? Maybe Sam's?”

Kara raised her eyebrows, it actually was a possibility. After all, when Kara had tried to change the past and confess her secret to Lena in another reality, it was to Sam that Lena had gone for advice. 

“You're probably right, she must be on her way to Sam's.” Kara sighed.

Was it better to let her go to her other best friend, or rather, her only best friend? Kara didn't know where they stood right now.

“She won't be driving for sure, so…” started Alex.

“Her jet!” Kara cut her off.

“What?”

Kara got her hopes up in an instant.

“Yeah, Lena has a private jet, so if she has to travel, that's how she'll do it. Are you able to access the private airport control tower outside the city?”

Alex made some sort of sound as an answer, meaning it would be a long shot.

Kara heard her sister typing on the computer without saying anything for a few interminable minutes.

“All right, I'm in. But Kara... she's not going to Metropolis.”

“Then where is she going?”

Alex waited and reread, almost afraid she'd made a mistake, but she didn't.

“Ireland.”

* * *

Lena watched the taxi pull back and then head back along the gravel road.

She took out a heavy iron key and approached the gate. No advanced technology to keep the area closed.

The tall gates creaked when she opened and closed them behind her. Lena walked slowly, dragging her heavy suitcase. She sniffed the salty air, admiring the stone castle standing at the end of the gardens.

She only came here on very rare occasions, but had always had the place maintained by gardeners, masons and other people from the village further along the coast. The seventeenth-century residence had held up well, withstood the test of time, winds and storms. Here she would be fine, here she would be safe.

Lena entered, immediately feeling the calm atmosphere of the age of the place. She went to the large library, whose high glass doors overlooked the cliff and the blue vastness. She admired the sunset, the gradation of warm colours. 

When darkness enveloped the castle, she left the windows and went to remove the dusty white drapes covering the main attraction of the library. A huge grand piano.

Lena sat down on the padded bench and closed her eyes. There she was, in the total darkness, not the darkness of the night, but her own darkness. She touched the keys with her fingertips. And as if the instrument was calling out to her, she began to play the last melody she could remember. 

A sinister, loud lament, just as she'd heard Lex play one night. One winter's night when she was losing consciousness.

Lena played with all the rage and anger of the memories accompanying this music. She gritted her teeth and did not hold back the tears from finally flowing, with no one to witness it. The notes filled the large library, echoed throughout the castle, reverberating on the stone walls. 

The lament passed to the calm of higher, sadder notes. Lena's fingers pressed gently now, played until the finale faded into silence. 

Only, it wasn't complete silence that returned. Lena heard the noises of the night, raised her head to notice that the glass doors were ajar. 

She got up, walked towards the rising moon. She closed the windows, shivered in the night air.

When she turned around, her heart stopped beating as she was startled.

Standing at the back of the room, a silhouette in the dark. She stepped forward slowly, into the moonlight.

"Why did you leave?" Kara asked in a strangely calm voice.

Lena didn't answer, she hadn't yet recovered from the fright of finding someone here. It was only Kara, but her heart hadn't resumed its normal rhythm yet.

"Lena, please answer me." 

Lena didn't say a word, instead went to turn on the switch. The chandelier above the piano lit up, filling the room with a vaporous yellowish light.

Kara squinted her eyes for a short moment, then saw Lena about to leave the room.

"Why did you leave? Why are we here in this mansion?" Kara asked again.

Lena stopped walking, but didn't turn around, stared at the floor.

"I don't know about you, but this is my home," she said.

Kara took a few slow steps towards Lena. "You know exactly why I'm here too."

"You followed me."

Kara stopped. She looked at Lena, still with her back to her, crossing her arms around her body, as if to protect herself from an imminent threat. To protect herself from Kara?

"You left me no choice," Kara said, realizing how true it was. What else was she supposed to do? Let her go away, wait for her to come back? Would she ever come back?

"We always have a choice," Lena said in a whisper.

Kara hesitated before answering, did she dare to tell the hard truth, at the risk of creating a strong reaction in Lena? She had just flown over the ocean when she was far from being at her best. What was the point of hesitating now?

"So you chose to run away, once again," Kara said with the insecurity of having hesitated to dare to speak her mind.

"I'm not running away!" Lena said, finally turning around.

She looked at Kara with a menacing look in her eyes, but it didn't have that ability, not anymore. Her big green eyes were reddened by the tears she had let fall while playing the piano. 

Kara kept walking towards Lena. "No? In the last 24 hours, haven't you run away from your home, your lab, and then National City, the country, the continent?" 

She stopped less than three feet away from Lena.

"And before that? Didn't you run rather than tell me the truth?"

Lena closed her eyes, shook her head. "Don't go there, Kara."

Kara took one more step.

"Why, Lena? Why not go there, to the bottom of things, once and for all? The veil is lifted now." 

Kara paused, in an almost whispered voice she added, "You know why I'm here, you know why I followed you, why you left me no choice but to fly to Ireland, to this castle as a replacement for your walls, so that you can suffocate... alone."

Another step forward. They were just inches away from each other. Lena still had her eyes closed. She listened as she felt her heart beating faster and faster. Kara being Supergirl, Lena knew she could hear her heart beating. She felt even more miserable being so transparent.

Kara looked at her closed eyes, her tight red lips, her clenched chin. "I'm here because I know now that you..."

Kara, however, couldn't say the words, couldn't complete her sentence. She raised her hand to touch Lena, but Lena stepped back as soon as she felt her hand touch her. 

Kara heard Lena's heart racing faster as she opened her eyes, as she stepped back.

Lena looked at Kara for a brief moment before turning her back on her again. She walked up the stairs. "Since you're here, I guess you'll be staying, you can take the third bedroom in the west wing."

Kara let her hand fall to her side, realizing how what she thought was finally the moment of truth had just slipped out of her grasp. She saw Lena disappearing upstairs and rushed to join her.

Lena pointed to the west wing and turned to go in the opposite direction. Without saying anything more, she went to her own room at the end of the corridor and closed the door.

Kara remained motionless, unsettled and, above all, exhausted. She thought she was well again, but now realized she wasn't. She had flown a very long distance and now regretted not having taken some of the small solar lamps made by Lena. In fact, she had taken nothing at all, no suitcase, no clothes, nothing.

Kara went to her room and dropped herself on the bed. She stared at the ceiling, holding back her tears. She had become emotional all of a sudden, without warning. She had come here so quickly, without taking time to think. At that very moment, she realized what she had learned, what she hadn't seen coming at all. Lena was in love with her. 

It was almost impossible to believe, and still.

Kara felt her eyes get wet as memories of her time with Lena came back to her. That moment in Lena's office after Jack's death. When Kara had put her arm around Lena to comfort her. The second she hesitated to kiss her on the forehead, she restrained herself and instead said, "I'll always be your friend." 

Kara sighed as she thought of that sentence.

There had been so many other times when there had been similar ambiguities. A hug that lasted a little longer than was necessary, a smile that was a little more charming than usual. 

Kara thought about the day of her Pulitzer Prize ceremony. How she'd panicked when she revealed her identity to Lena. She had unpacked everything, without taking a break or a breath. She had held back her tears while praying that Lena would understand and not hold it against her. "Because I didn't want to lose you."

Kara had never had such a hard time confessing her secret to anyone close to her. Yet she had never wondered why there was such a difference between Lena and the others. 

"I'm so stupid," Kara thought to herself as she got up from the king-size bed.

She rushed out of the room, walked quickly, almost running, to Lena's room. She raised her hand to knock but hesitated, leaving her fist in the air, motionless. With her eyes wide open, Kara continued to see memories of moments spent with Lena, realizing how much she meant to her.

The door opened and Lena almost bumped into Kara.

They found themselves face to face, just a few inches apart, able to feel each other's breath.

Kara swallowed with difficulty as she stared into those beautiful green eyes.

"Can I hold you in my arms?" 

The same question as the day before.

Lena simply nodded her head and Kara felt her heart lighten. At last.

Kara pulled her towards her chest and wrapped her in her arms. Lena put her head on Kara's shoulder and hugged her back. 

Lena couldn't stop herself, she cried as she hadn't done in a long time, if ever. To feel Kara's arms around her, the smell of her long blonde hair, had destroyed all her attempts to keep control.

Kara felt her trembling as the sobs had gotten deeper. She squeezed her tighter, put a kiss on the top of her head. 

But Lena didn't stop crying.

Kara kept her close, led her to the edge of the bed where they climbed up.

Kara wiped Lena's cheek and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She wanted to know what to say, but the words didn't come. 

"Do you want me to..." Kara began in a hoarse voice betraying the emotion rising within her as well.

Lena shook her head and put her hand behind Kara's neck. Lena moved closer and tilted Kara's head forward.

Kara stopped breathing, not knowing where all this might go. But Lena just put her forehead against hers, holding her face in her hands as she closed her eyes and breathed with difficulty.

"Do me a favor, will you?"

"Anything, anything you want."

"Let's not talk about what you saw, what happened in that lab, that thing that bit us both. Promise me that, will you?"

Kara ran her fingers through Lena's hair and pulled their faces away, wanting to look her in the eye.

The look on Lena's face was imploring. "I came here to get away from all this."

Kara saw how helpless Lena was right now, she seemed so small, so fragile. 

"I promise," answered Kara.

She knew this was just another way for Lena to run away. She had so much to say, but it would all lead back to Lena's memories and trauma. Because they were such a big part of her, were the reason for so many of her past actions. 

They also had to talk about what was going on between them, which neither of them had found the courage to say out loud. But how could they talk about it without talking about the creature that revealed the secret?

Lena had made Kara promise, had taken away any chance for them to explain themselves, to move on.

Kara lay on the bed and invited Lena into her arms again. Without saying anything more, without any other ulterior motive than simply consoling her, protecting her, making her understand that she was safe with her. Even to face the truth. 

But for tonight and for a while, Kara would play Lena's game. To pretend nothing was wrong, to just stay there, hidden...together.

* * *

Kara shivered as the salty air seeped under her long curly hair. She folded her arms and closed the long wool sweater that Lena had lent her that morning. 

"Here, it's for you," said Lena's voice approaching from afar.

Kara turned around and saw her walking down the stone staircase on the cliff. Lena joined her on the beach with two steaming cups of tea.

Kara walked to meet her. "Thank you." She wrapped her hands around the cup, letting the heat spread through her cold fingers.

"I never get tired of this view," said Lena, looking at the blue vastness. "The people here say : 'The ocean has no memory.'" 

Lena took a sip as Kara looked at her and couldn't take her eyes off her.

"Sometimes I wish I could do the same," Lena said.

Kara drank in turn, recognizing the flavor of Irish breakfast tea. It was all they had found in the pantry when they got up. 

Curled up against each other on Lena's bed, Kara had stroked her hair and caressed her back until she fell asleep, then she fell asleep in turn. Kara had slept very badly, Lena kept moving and talking in her sleep. Kara knew what kind of nightmare she must have been in, had woken her up and reassured her several times. 

The day had finally dawned, freeing them from the night and its dark dreams. Lena had lent Kara some clothes. Kara had discovered another side of Lena when she had opened her suitcases. There were no high heels or designer clothes. There were wool socks, jeans and warm sweaters. Lena had come here to be comfortable, without make-up, without jewellery.

"There are also beautiful memories that are worth remembering, worth holding on to."

Kara looked at her, with her long black hair pulled back in front of her shoulder in a braid, her thick green wool sweater bringing out her eyes. She was surprised to realize how beautiful Lena was. In this outfit so different from the usual, in this light of the coast, in this country, far from everything.

"I remember one morning when I arrived at Catco, my desk was buried under flowers. My colleagues kept asking me questions about it. Who could it be from because, of course, you hadn't left a note."

Lena smiled. "You flew to Paris, Milan and Dublin just to get us lattes, éclairs and scones. To make our lunch perfect."

Kara's stomach made a gurgling sound that both of them heard. Lena looked away from the ocean to look at Kara's belly.

"Hungry?"

Kara bit her lower lip. "Starving."

They went up the long stone staircase. Lena led them to a small abandoned house at the far end of the gardens.

"The old house of the gardener and the cook," Lena told Kara.

The house was made of stone, too, with faded light blue shutters. Small in comparison to the castle, but very large nevertheless. 

They passed behind the house and Lena opened a garage door, revealing the smallest car Kara had ever seen. 

"A 1969 Riley Elf, cute isn't it?" Lena said proudly as she raised the hood.

"Cute... does it fit two passengers?"

Lena checked the oil level and closed the hood. "Come on up, I'll take you for a ride."

  
  
  


They took the road around the cliff. The view was breathtaking. On one side, blue as far as the eye could see, and on the other side fields and sheep. In the distance, further down the coast, a colorful little village loomed among the trees. 

Lena parked on the edge of a low wall where wild roses were blooming. As she got out of the car, Kara sniffed the air. A mixture of roses and fresh bread. Her belly rumbled again, so loud that Lena heard it. 

"Patience, we're almost there."

Lena reached out her hand to offer it to Kara, but she changed her mind. She felt good here with her, had almost forgot what had happened in the last 24 hours. Almost.

She pointed to a wooden panel hanging against a dark blue wall in the distance.

_Blue Rose Café_

"Joy," Kara said, sighed with excitement. 

The front of the café was all glass, its walls were an azure blue to be noticed from afar. A smell of bread and buns emanated from the half-open door. 

  
  


Lena had Kara sit at a table on the terrace and went inside to order. Kara massaged her belly as she took advantage of the wait to contemplate the place. The café overlooked the central square of the village where a fountain with a wide edge allowed people to sit. Other shops with colourful fronts also faced the fountain. There was a florist, a bookstore, a hardware store and a music store.

"Here we go." 

Lena arrived with a wooden tray that she put on the table. She had brought steaming teas, buns, croissants, berry jam and cheese.

"Thank you," Kara said as if she was going to cry.

Kara swallowed two croissants and half of her tea before slowing down and enjoying the moment. She looked at Lena who, unlike her, was eating slowly, her elbows not touching the table, her knife and spoon never hitting her plate. 

Kara continued to stare at her as she took small sips of her tea so she wouldn't burn herself.

"What is it?" Lena asked, realizing that Kara had her eyes fixed on her.

Kara smiled with a shrug.

"Nothing, I'm just looking at you, you're..." Kara refrained from saying beautiful. 

"It feels strange being here with you."

"Strange?"

"It's been so long since we've done this." Kara pointed to the table and their meal. "I think I just realized how much I've missed it. You and I, just having lunch together."

Lena nodded her head and squeezed her fingers around her cup as the breeze lifted the few strands out of her braid.

"We were good friends, indeed. I missed that, too."

Kara noticed how Lena's voice hesitated for a brief second before using the word _friend_.

"I know it was selfish of me, but with you, I could be just Kara. I could catch up on the latest gossip, laugh and escape, take a break, not have the weight of the world on my shoulders. With you it was simple, easy, different from everyone else who knew."

Lena took a sip, realized she'd never thought of it that way before. Kara was right, and Lena would come to understand her motives, little by little.

"Is this your first time in Ireland?" she says to change the subject.

Kara hesitated. "Well, except for that one time in Dublin for your scones, yes. How did you find this place?"

Lena put down her cup and folded her arms, instinctively. "A gift from my father."

Kara almost choked on her hot drink. "Huge gift."

Lena lowered her eyes as the corner of her mouth quirked up into a small smile. "Unlike Lex, my father asked for forgiveness after..." Lena trailed off, she wouldn't go that far. "Some people give dolls... some give castles."

Kara wondered what Lionel Luthor had done to make the purchase of such a mansion necessary for forgiveness? She saw the look of embarrassment and shame on Lena's face, and was once again overcome with sadness for her. How many dark secrets lay behind those beautiful, mysterious green eyes? Too many, no doubt.

"I got glasses." Kara says to lighten the mood.

Lena smiled as she looked up to see Kara's face, soft, smiling at her.

"To think that I was fooled by a simple pair of glasses," Lena says, reaching her hand over the table.

"You've said that before," Kara said as she took off her glasses to give it to her. 

"I don't think so, no." Lena inspected them, looking for something in particular. Yet they seemed perfectly normal. 

"You're right... yes," Kara corrected herself. Lena had already said those words indeed, but in another version of reality created by Mxyzptlk. 

Kara would have liked to tell her, but how to talk about this universe without mentioning the one where Lena became a dictator. No, Kara couldn't talk about that, at least not today.

"I use them to control my x-ray vision," Kara said instead.

Lena raised her eyebrows and decided to try them on. 

Kara couldn't help laughing. "They look good on you." 

Lena looked up at the sky and posed as if Kara was taking her picture, which made Kara laugh even harder.

"Lena?" An elderly couple stopped by the low wall surrounding the terrace. 

"Hello" said Lena as she stood up to shake hands with each of them.

"We heard from Liam from the cab that you were at O'Flattery," said the old man.

The old woman noticed Kara's puzzled look on her face as she couldn't understand.

"O'Flattery is the name of the castle, dear," she whispered to her, tapping her hand.

"Thank you," Kara whispered back.

  
  


"You've brought a friend with you, it was about time!" Said the white-haired man. 

Lena, embarrassed, struggled for words, so Kara got up and reached out to the man.

"Kara, nice to meet you. You live in a beautiful village."

The man shook her hand and smiled, proud of his hometown. "I know," he said with a wink and a mocking smile. "Are you going to stay long at the castle?" 

Lena hesitated and the old woman told her husband to stop bothering them, they had to go home anyway.

They whistled away.

"I've got errands to run, shall we go too?"

"Let's go."

Lena put some money on the table and waved to the waitress inside the café. She left the terrace when Kara took her arm.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she said, reaching out her hand.

Lena raised an eyebrow, not understanding. Kara came close to Lena, so close that Lena stiffened immediately. She raised her hands on either side of her head and brought her face closer to hers.

"My glasses." Kara took them off and put them back on her face. 

Lena looked at her. She was so close she could feel her breath. Her heart quickened, and once again, she remembered Kara had the ability to hear her. 

"Are you coming?" Lena added, quickly stepping back. 

She turned on her heel and walked towards the centre of the village. Kara watched her walk away, knowing very well why she had just reacted the way she did. But Kara wouldn't talk about it, today they were acting as if everything was fine. 

They walked down the main street towards the docks where merchants had set up their stalls. Lena went from one to the other, talking to each one, asking about their product and how business was going. 

Kara, on the other hand, was distracted, thinking about the music shop she had seen earlier, which didn't go unnoticed by Lena.

"You can go for a walk if you like. I'll be here for a while, go."

"Do you mind?" Kara asked in a small pout.

Lena smiled at her. "Not at all. I'll see you later."

Kara wasted no time turning back. The old wooden door creaked and a bell rang as she entered the shop.

"Hello," said a woman in her fifties with long red hair. "Can I help you?"

Kara opened her eyes wide as she looked inside the store. There were violins and a piano in the center. Otherwise, it was just bookcases and shelves full of records and LPs. 

"Sheet music?"

The woman displayed a broad smile, as if Kara had just said the magic word. "Musician?"

"Not really, it's for a friend." 

"A great gift idea. Music is the most beautiful present. For what instrument?"

"Piano," said Kara as she wandered through the shop.

The woman motioned for her to follow her and led her to the back of the large room. There she pointed to some wooden boxes from another time. They had certainly been used to carry supplies on merchant ships. Now that they were retired, they were content with piano music.

Kara wasn't looking for a melody or a particular song. She just felt the need to come here, as if she was attracted to something she could neither see nor touch, only feel. 

Kara took a music sheet out of the box. Found what she didn't even know she was looking for. 

She paid the lady and left the store with a smile on her face. Outside, she went to the fountain, sat on the ledge, holding her paper bag carefully between her fingers.

A florist approached, pushing a cart. He looked at the young blonde woman sitting, staring at what seemed so important in her hands. She smiled, but seemed sad at the same time.

"Miss, you need a flower."

Kara looked up at the voice. "A flower? That's sweet, but why do I need a flower?"

The man pushed his cart to the fountain and stopped it.

"We all need flowers in our lives. A little beauty and color." 

He browsed the buckets filled with colour and foliage. "Here it is, the poppy. " He delicately took out a red flower with a black center.

" It' s beautiful, isn't it?" he said as he handed it to her.

Kara took it as she got up.

"Her black heart contrasts perfectly with her bright color, draws the eye to her, only to her." 

"Lena." Kara whispered as the flower reminded the blonde of her. "Thank you, how much do I owe you?"

He smiled, "I'll give it to you, darling, take it back to this Lela... Lena, who she reminds you of, have a nice day."

Kara walked away, light-hearted. In the distance she saw Lena buying bottles of wine, laughing at what a fat merchant was telling her. 

Kara felt a sudden happiness at witnessing this scene, this unexpected joy. 

After all, maybe Lena had been right to want to act as if nothing had happened. At least for a while. If it would give her some joy, some laughter, then why not. She deserved it so much.

Kara went to meet her, took her bags and gave her the flower in exchange.

"For me?"

Kara nodded, hiding her score among the other bags.

"It's beautiful, thank you!"

A shy smile split Lena's face and Kara thought she almost saw her blush. But it must have been the cold air from the docks.

"Where did you go, besides the florist?" Lena asked as she walked by Kara, staring at her flower.

"Here and there, I walked along. Did you find everything you were looking for?" 

"Yes, I think so, otherwise we'll come back. Here I never stock up for very long."

They drove away in the tiny car. As there was no reason to hurry, Lena made a long detour before returning to O'Flattery. She showed Kara the ruins of other castles that did not survive the last century. She also showed her poppy fields like the one Kara had given her. Red as far as the eye can see, flowers waving in the salty wind. 

"Can we stop?" Kara asked.

They had gotten out of the little car and admired the field of flowers in silence. It was so beautiful. Kara would have liked to freeze that moment in time. But time waits for no one, not even Supergirl.

Eventually, they had made it back to the castle. On the way back, Kara had felt weak again so Lena had run a bubble bath for her and then put her in the winter garden so she could take a nap. There she would be sheltered from the wind, but could enjoy the sunlight through the window walls.

Kara had slept for several hours, waking only after dark. The smell of the dinner Lena had prepared had overcome her fatigue.

Since Kara was visiting Ireland for the first time, Lena had thought it would be a good idea to make her an Irish stew. Accompanied by fresh bread and wine for Lena, they had eaten under blankets in the greenhouse without plants.

The meal was short, Kara having swallowed two large bowls in record time and Lena having little appetite. 

The discussion had also been brief since Kara's awakening. As if both of them knew that the day was coming to an end. Everything had been perfect, simple, but ephemeral, unfortunately.

"Will you show me the rest of the castle?" Kara said, trying to get the conversation going again.

Lena had stretched out her hand to the wide corridor in front of the grand piano. "With pleasure."

O'Flattery was an imposing and, above all, vast property. There were countless rooms. Some overlooked corridors, others only between them. Some were hidden behind revolving bookcases, others were completely sealed off. 

The visit was made under the rays of the full moon illuminating the cloudless night. It had been a slow walk without really stopping. At least, until Kara noticed an old gramophone in one of the many rooms with walls covered by books.

"Does it still work?" she asked enthusiastically, rushing to take a closer look.

Lena joined her and turned the crank for a good minute. Then she placed the arm and the needle at the end of the disc.

A squeaking sound was heard followed by echoing piano notes.

Kara closed her eyes and let her fingers go into the void to the sound of the melancholy melody. She didn't know it, but it was an instrumental version of _Once Upon a December_. The song of the lost princess, Anastasia.

"This waltz is beautiful," Kara said, finally opening her eyes.

A smirk appeared on the blonde's face. Lena didn't understand why, and raised an eyebrow in response. Kara smiled even more and went to take Lena in her arms and lead her towards the center of the room. 

Kara put her left hand on Lena's lower back and took her other hand in her right, leading her in an improvised and far from serious waltz.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lena asked as she forcibly danced with Kara, who laughed at each of their missteps. 

They stepped on each other's toes at times, almost falling off, but it was all the more charming, surprisingly so.

"I'm dancing gracefully, don't you see?" Kara said, falsely serious for a second.

Lena couldn't help laughing as Kara stepped on her toes again. "You're really talented."

And they waltzed again and again throughout the entire melody. They didn't stop until the squeaking sound resumed.

The dance may have been over, but neither of them dared to move away, to remove their arms from each other's bodies. 

Only Lena, Kara, and the Moon high in the sky were left to witness this.

Lena raised the hand she had put on Kara's shoulder. Her fingers grazed her neck, then stroked her cheek. She stared into her beautiful blue eyes for one last second before looking at her now half-open lips. Lena leaned in toward her face slowly and closed her eyes.

Lena could feel Kara's breath on her mouth, was going to kiss her but at the last moment, Kara turned her face away.

"I can't," Kara whispered.

Lena opened her eyes again, realizing how her attempt to kiss Kara for the first time had been rejected. "What?"

"I can't do this anymore, Lena." Kara said, taking her hands off her.

Lena tried to control her voice as her throat closed. "What... why?" 

Kara took a step back.

"Because this isn't real," she said, moving her arms between them.

Lena frowned as she felt her chin tensing up, betraying her. "It could be."

Kara shook her head. "Not forever."

"For a while then?" Lena blamed herself for asking in an almost begging tone.

Kara shook her head again. 

"That time is over now."

Lena began to breathe with difficulty, took a few steps back. "And who decides, you?"

"No, you decide." Kara said softly.

She took a few steps towards Lena, but Lena retreated as she approached.

"I agreed to act as if nothing had happened. And this morning, during the day, I believed it. I believed you were right in the end. That it was a good idea. That it was all right, we were having a good time. I saw you laughing in the market with that lady and it did something to me."

Kara ran her hand through her hair. 

"To see you happy and smiling, but to know it was only on the surface because we're pretending. It's even worse." 

"Worse than what, than facing reality?" 

"Yes! There are so many things I wish I could say to you, so many things I wish I could hear you say to me. But with the promise you made me make last night... you've frozen us here and now."

Lena's right hand began to shake, unconsciously. "Is it so terrible, here and now?"

Kara looked down for a brief moment at Lena's hand, a sign that anguish was beginning to take hold of her. Kara squeezed her lips, looking for a way to catch up. "No, not at all, it's beautiful..." Kara hesitated, "but it's not right."

Lena's trembling hand closed into a clenched fist. She blinked several times, trying to swallow the emotion that was trying to come to the surface.

Kara passed her hand over her forehead, "I didn't mean that, I..." She was doing so badly, she couldn't organize her thoughts into sincere words without hurting Lena in the process.

"What did you mean, then?" 

Kara sighed. There was no point in beating around the bush.

"Lena, we need to talk about what happened, what I saw in your memories."

Lena swallowed with difficulty. "There's nothing to talk about."

"You know very well that's not true. I've seen terrible things happen to you, things that should never have happened, and worse, that have happened over and over again."

"It's over, there's nothing you or I can do about it anyway.” Lena's voice was hoarse.

“No. It's not just _something_ that happened in your past, Lena. All these horrible things shaped you into who you are today. Saving you from that creature made me realize so much about you. Without it, I would still be on the verge of avoiding you. For the last few weeks I didn't want to talk to you, or even see you. I told you I was ready to accept your apology, but I wasn't. I wasn't, not after being so hurt."

"Just like me." Lena whispered.

Kara looked her straight in the eye, pausing, hesitant to make the jump. She had come all the way to Ireland so she could get to the bottom of things with Lena. So it was now or never.

"No, we weren't hurt the same way, we didn't react the same way..."

Kara felt her heart beating faster and started pacing up and down in the middle of the room as she had been searching for the courage to talk to Lena for weeks.

"I didn't tell you the truth, not only because I wanted to protect you, but because I liked having you around as Kara's best friend. I liked being able to compartmentalize my life. But after I shared my secret with you, I felt so free, so light, as if a huge weight had been lifted off me. Supergirl is who I am, I can't be just Kara. And for a while I thought we were on the right track. But you turned against me as I learned the truth. And as much as I've asked for forgiveness, tried to explain why I did it, begged you to forgive me and listen to reason, it didn't work. You pushed me away every time, forcing me further and further away until you were out of reach, until you closed your walls in front of me and threw away the key."

Lena watched her walk in the moonlight, her long curly blond hair swaying behind her. She clenched her fists so tightly that her fingernails began to cut into her palms. 

"All that time I stooped down to ask your forgiveness, to think with my heart, to feel horrible for hurting one of the people I cared about the most. All this time being blind to what you were doing, what you were becoming. Until you pushed me away enough, until I started thinking with my head, because my heart couldn't take it anymore."

Kara walked on and on without stopping, without looking at Lena who was trying to absorb it, and she managed to do so with great difficulty. 

"And I stopped believing that you could get back on the right path, because you had convinced me of that. So I kept moving forward, healing myself from this friendship that meant more to me than anything else. Because as Supergirl I couldn't run away, I had to be strong, I had to be there to face Leviathan and the others."

Kara stood still, looking out at the almost blinding moon.

"So Lena...you'll understand that after everything that's happened over the past few months, after everything you've done and how many times you told me you'd never forgive me --- that it was pointless for me to even talk to you --- to learn that all that time in fact you were in l..."

Kara didn't finish her sentence, preferring to lower her eyes to the ground.

Lena let out a jerky breath. "You can't even say it out loud."

Kara finally turned to her.

"Because I don't understand Lena, because I didn't see it coming!"

Lena shook her head, "You didn't want to see it."

Kara took the few steps that separated her from Lena, took them so quickly that Lena had no time to back up.

"See what exactly? Those few moments of ambiguity when our friendship took a deeper and more meaningful turn than between mere friends? A few hugs that lasted a little too long, a few smiles more charming than they should have been, a few glances that lingered a little too long?" 

Lena just held her piercing blue eyes, unable to answer.

"You showed me all this, I was confused by it all, didn't think too much about it, told myself that I was probably misinterpreting your intentions. But you showed me a lot of other things, too. You lied to me, manipulated me, and used kryptonite on me."

Kara's piercing look became sad, her eyes moist. 

"Who does this to someone they're in…" 

Words wouldn't come out as her voice broke. "Who does this?"

Lena knew she'd hurt Kara deeply, gone too far, but she had still hoped to win her back. But after that rejected kiss, after those confessions, Lena realized Kara would not love her back. Probably never could, even before. The realization hurt her in a place she never thought she was capable of suffering.

Lena sighed as she closed her eyes. She would have wanted to answer, to dare to say "me".

Kara looked at her, her fists closed, her eyes closed. Seeing her like that was making her so sad. 

"Who does that, Lena?" Kara said again. "Someone who's been hurt so many times? Someone who doesn't know how to admit that she loves someone so much she's afraid of getting hurt? Someone who, when she's in pain, feels the need to hurt even more in return?"

Kara was right, and Lena knew it. But hearing her tell her hurt so much. It was like twisting a knife in a wound, over and over again.

"You can't understand," Lena whispered.

Kara came closer to Lena, put her hand on her forearm. "Then explain to me how you feel."

Lena opened her eyes and stared at Kara's. She put her hand on top of Kara's hand, pulled it away from her arm.

"You want me to explain how I feel about you when you can't even find the words to tell me that you don't feel the same way? It's cruel..."

Lena stepped back and turned on her heel.

"Where the hell are you going!" Kara said as she saw her leave the room.

Kara gave a little grunt of exasperation at Lena's reaction. She ran down the corridor, caught up with her as she walked through the piano room to the stairs.

"No, I'm tired of you turning your back on me and running away," Kara said as she went to block her way, standing right in front of her. 

"What else do you want me to do?" Lena said in a trembling voice, her eyes threatening to shed a tear.

Kara wanted to find the words, the right words, but it was so hard. Especially with Lena's current condition. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Just stay. Let me... wait for me here."

Kara remembered the piano score. She rushed to get it, coming back in a gust of wind that rippled the curtains of the high windows in the big room.

"Come with me," Kara said, placing her hand on Lena's back. 

They went to sit at the piano and Kara placed the sheet music in front of Lena.

"Play, please." 

"What is it?" Lena asked, looking at the score in the name of the flower, without words.

"Play, please." Kara asked again in an almost imploring voice.

Lena raised her hands above the keys, read the notes and, as requested, did so.

The melody was slow, sweet, beautiful.

Kara closed her eyes, took a deep breath and began to sing. 

_And I’d give up forever to touch you_

_‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be_

_And I don’t want to go home right now_

Lena almost missed a note when Kara started singing. She knew she was good at it, but to hear her so close, singing for her. It was very different. Most of all, it was the first time.

Her voice was beautiful, but also full of emotion.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_And sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't wanna miss you tonight_

Kara knew the lyrics by heart, had always loved this song. When she had read the title, _Iris_ , among all the other partitions in the village shop, it was as if the song had found her, and not the other way round.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Kara had carried the secret of her difference all her life, had been able to share it with only a very few people. It was too dangerous to come out into the light. With Lena, that secret had destroyed everything. Not the secret itself, but the way it had been revealed. Both of them had suffered terribly, both of them had lost each other.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

Lena felt her eyes get wet as the song spoke about bleeding. The lyrics were almost too appropriate for them. It was both moving and frightening at the same time. The lyrics, through Kara's voice, took on such a deep meaning. They were the words that Kara hadn't been able to say before, it was her way of finally showing her how she felt. 

How much she meant to her.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Kara stopped singing and Lena played the last notes of the song. She left her fingers on the keys, staring into the void.

Kara had asked her to explain how she felt about herself, but Lena couldn't. Now she was finally able to.

“You want to know why I love you?”

Kara nodded her head and Lena saw it out of the corner of her eye.

“I have asked myself so many times, over and over. Until I finally let go of all the things I was holding on to and it hit me. I don’t have a reason… I don’t need one. We don’t get to choose who we love.”

Lena sat back on the bench, turning to Kara who was already staring at her.

“Nor who loves us back.” ended Lena.

Kara looked into her beautiful green and sad eyes. 

With the song, she had found a way to express how she felt about Lena. But she still had more to share. Words, however, would be of no use to her.

Kara pushed a lock of black hair behind Lena's ear, cupping her face in her hand. With the tip of her thumb she stroked her cheek. She heard Lena's heart racing. Kara lowered her eyes to her lips for a short moment and looked her straight in the eyes again.

She approached slowly, then put her lips on Lena's.

At last.

Time seemed to stand still

Lena kissed her, wrapping her hands around her back. The kiss was tender and fearful at the same time. As if they both feared that one or the other would slip away. Lena for her tendency to run away, Kara for her uncertainty.

But at that very moment, neither of them would have wanted to interrupt this precious moment, so long awaited for years.

Kara changed the angle of their kiss, slipping her fingers through Lena's hair. A strange feeling began to form in the pit of her belly. More than desire, the feeling of having found her way home, of being at home. 

With her other hand, Kara caressed Lena's face, feeling her wet cheek. 

"Are you all right?" she asked, leaning back.

Lena nodded and wiped her cheeks.

"You're crying..." Kara said, stroking the back of her neck.

"I know, but I beg you, please don't stop."

Kara hesitated for a second, then Lena pressed herself against her, kissing her again. With the tip of her tongue she brushed against Kara's upper lip. She held back a small moan and opened her mouth. 

Their tongues joined, taking their kiss to another level. 

Kara's fingers closed in Lena's hair, wanting her even closer. Lena slipped her fingers under her wool sweater, finding the warm skin of her back.

Kara felt chills at the contact, and shivered on the bench. The feeling in her lower abdomen kept increasing. The kiss, soft and feverish, had quickly taken a whole new turn. Kara knew it, but she didn't have the slightest desire to do anything about it, to turn back the clock. 

For years they had been waiting and even anticipating this moment, without knowing it or even admitting it to themselves. 

"Too fast?" Lena asked, forcing herself to pull away from Kara.

As soon as Lena had felt Kara's lips on hers, she had lost all control, all sense of moderation. She wanted her, wanted her so badly, but she didn't want to ruin it by rushing her, by going too fast.

Kara looked her in the eyes. The green was almost absent as the black of her pupils was present. Lena's desire was more than obvious, but Kara appreciated that she took the time to check the reciprocity of their intentions. 

Kara took the opportunity to catch her breath, having forgotten to breathe when she kissed her. Was it too fast?

"Yes, but no," Kara said, knowing that it meant everything and nothing at the same time.

* * *

In the moonlight, they lay on the canopy bed in Lena's room.

As soon as they had crossed the threshold, their clothes had begun to litter the floor, until they had none left, until they found the bed.

Kara lay on her back, watching Lena stand over her and stare at her, taking her time. 

Lena looked at her, savoring the view. She was so beautiful. Lena noticed the look in Kara's eyes, a hint of fear could be read through her excitement. She had never been in bed with a woman before, it was obvious.

Lena's lips lifted into a smirk, feeling a kind of pleasure knowing she would be the first. She also had to be more careful, take her time, take care of her.

"Don't be afraid," said Lena.

Her voice was deep and almost whispered. Kara felt Lena's voice inside herself, felt herself getting wet.

"I'm not afraid... I just don't know how..." Kara said, swallowing with difficulty.

Lena just stood completely above her, staring at her with her almost black eyes. Her long hair falling from her nearly undone braid.

"Let me show you then." Lena said before bending over to kiss her again.

She ran her tongue over Kara's mouth. Kara plunged into their kiss again, trying to forget that she had no idea what she was doing. But Kara had not much time to doubt. 

Lena pressed her thigh between Kara's legs, rubbing herself against her. 

Kara let out a groan from the pressure on her crotch. Lena held her face with one hand and with her other, descended towards her breasts, without ever stopping the movement of her hips, back and forth.

Kara wrapped her arms around her, following the movement, wanting her even closer.

Lena leaned down, pressing her mouth to the side of Kara's face, running her tongue over her earlobe. Kara began to breathe harder, which made Lena want to take her even more. But she had to take her time. 

She kissed her along her neck, slowly moving down to her breasts. She sucked on the end of one nipple, while with her other hand she stroked Kara's belly towards her leg.

Kara groaned at the sensation. She could feel her heart beating between her legs, could feel herself growing wetter at the contact. 

Lena continued to kiss her skin as she went further down. She spread her legs and kissed the inside of her thighs, moving towards her soaked center.

Kara was breathing faster and faster, knowing what was coming. Lena was torturing her, taking her time.

"Lena," Kara panted as she felt her insert a finger inside her, pulling it out and pushing in again.

"You're already so wet," said Lena, biting her lips and adding a second one.

Lena's words made Kara contract around Lena's fingers. She uttered a muffled moan as Lena ran her tongue over her clit. 

Kara grabbed the cotton sheets, gasping for air, as the impossible sensation of Lena's mouth and now two fingers were working down below.

Lena went back and forth inside Kara, feeling her sweet spot with her fingertips. With her tongue, she continued to add pressure to the rhythm of Kara's breathing.

Kara arched with pleasure, clinging to the bed. 

Lena would have wanted to go on like this for hours, but she felt her contracting. Kara grabbed her hair, without thinking, without being able to control herself as her orgasm began to overwhelm her. 

Lena moaned, her mouth still squeezed between her legs, wanting to give her a finale that would be worthy of her. 

She picked up the pace, licked all of Kara's excitement more fervently. 

"Oh... fuck... Lena!" Kara managed to say as she lost all focus.

Her back arched, her fingers pressed Lena even more deeply inside her and she came without holding back.

Kara dropped on her back, panting. She was looking for her air, but she couldn't find it. Was all this real? Did she really just say "oh, fuck, Lena" out loud? 

Kara passed her hand over her face as she felt Lena move up her body and kiss her on her stomach.

Kara looked down, found Lena's eyes again, proud of her.

"So?" Lena said, licking the tip of one of her breasts.

Kara exhaled heavily in response, which made Lena smile. She continued moving up her body, kissing her neck and caressing her face as she laid her body on top of the blonde again.

Lena was gorgeous. In that faint light, with that look of desire, with her sweaty skin.

Kara raised her head and kissed her passionately, sliding her tongue over Lena's. She was surprised to taste herself in Lena's mouth. A flavor that strangely didn't disgust her, but made her want to take Lena even more. But how? 

Lena knew what she was doing, obviously, but how to give it back? Kara slid her arms around Lena's back as she continued to search for where to start. She didn't trust herself, didn't want to mess things up now that it was her turn.

Lena put one of her hands behind her back, then took one of Kara's wrists firmly and brought it back between her legs. Kara didn't resist. It was as if Lena had read her mind, knew she didn't know how to do it.

“Put your fingers inside me, Kara.”

Kara swallowed with difficulty. Lena's voice was deep and full of desire and anticipation. She wanted her. Kara felt a wave of courage wash over her. Lena wanted her inside.

Kara wasted no more time, did what was expected of her. She inserted one finger, but Lena was so soaked, she immediately added another. 

Lena began to grind her hips while still holding Kara's wrist. 

Kara followed her movement with her hand, going deeper and deeper into Lena. 

Lena breathed harder and finally released Kara's wrist.

"Yes." Lena said as she straightened up, sent her head back.

Kara followed her, straightened up into a sitting position. With one hand she held her back, with the other she continued to pump into Lena's warm velvet. Seeing her bend with pleasure, feeling her squeeze around her fingers gave Kara the confidence she needed.

Lena, now straddling Kara, grabbed Kara's hair, pulled her head back and kissed her passionately. Between Kara's lips, she gasped for air, moaning as she approached orgasm.

Kara took the hand she had on Lena's lower back, pulled it back between her thighs and rubbed her clit in a circular motion.

"Kara," moaned Lena in her ear. 

Kara felt her own clit quiver just at the sound of Lena pronouncing her name that way. Her voice was imploring, panting, full of lust.

"Kara...Kar..."

Lena tensed up, plunging her fingers into Kara's back and neck as she came unrestrainedly.

Her body relaxed and she took Kara's face in her hands. They looked each other straight in the eyes, both struggling to breathe.

Kara pulled out her fingers and they both fell on the mattress. They stared at the ceiling while catching their breath.

"We really just did this," Kara sighed as she ran her hand across her forehead, freeing herself from the moist strands of hair that had gathered there.

Lena turned on her stomach to look at her, having noticed a little hesitation in her voice. "Do you regret it?" she asked, frowning.

Kara turned to the side. She stroked Lena's hair, wavy on her back. She looked at her whole body, lying beside her. "No, not at all, it just doesn't feel real, that's all."

"It will come." Lena said, putting her arms under the pillow.

Kara came closer to her, caressed her back with her fingertips. Lena closed her eyes and smiled as she was shivered at the contact.

"I'm glad you followed me here, Kara," she said in a sleepy voice.

Kara leaned against her and kissed her shoulder. "I'm glad I did, too."

They remained there, in the moonlight alone, as accomplices in what had just happened. Together, in a whole new way, they were no longer afraid of what the night might bring. No longer afraid of its nightmares. They had found each other after a very long detour, and that was all that mattered. 

That night, the world could go on turning... but without them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of chapter 3? What would you like for Chapter 4? Leave a comment or you write in to me in private on Twitter : @andy_ifking


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter four, a little late, I know... I warn you, we're taking a different turn, but trust me to the end.
> 
> And I can't publish without thanking, again and again, my wonderful beta without whom all this wouldn't be complete. Your words and support are so precious to me. Merci!

The moon had passed its peak and was beginning its descent into the now cloudy sky.

The bedroom windows were ajar and the breeze made the curtains dance. A deep silence bathed the castle, tucked the two of them into their sleep.

Kara slept peacefully while Lena, on the other hand, had once again been found by her nightmares.

"NOOO!" she shouted as she shot up in bed.

Kara woke up with a start. She straightened up, placed her hand on her heart that threatened to come out of her chest. At her side, Lena was breathing with such difficulty that her body was violently arching. 

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here," Kara hurriedly said as she approached her.

Lena said nothing. Her breathing was wheezy, alarming. 

Kara moved behind her, putting her legs on either side of her body and pulled Lena towards her. She tilted her head back to support her on her shoulder.

"Shhhh" Kara whispered, placing one hand on Lena's forehead and the other on her abdomen. 

Kara could feel her contracting in fear of the breath she was missing. "The air will come back, I promise you. We'll wait for it together, okay?"

Kara pressed her hand on Lena's belly in an attempt to contain her body from lifting too much. "Shhhh."

"Can you feel my skin on your back? Can you feel how I breathe? Slowly. One breath."

Kara took a deep breath, accentuated the lifting of her chest so Lena would feel it even more.

Lena's fingers clenched the sheets as she tried, without success, to catch her breath.

"It's okay, it's okay. Now let's exhale."

Kara slowly exhaled as she pressed on Lena's abdomen. "Let's do it again, focus on me, breathe with me."

The blonde went on like this, feeling Lena gradually calming down.

"The air will come back, Lena, everything will be alright, I'm here."

Lena closed her eyes but didn't let go of the sheets. She concentrated on Kara's breath, on her body pressed against hers, on the slow movement of her respiration.

It took several minutes before her throat finally loosened, finally freeing her. Those minutes felt like an eternity. 

Kara let her sit up and breathe on her own, then each of them used one of the sheets to cover themselves. None of them bothered to lie down again, sleep no longer called them at all.

"What did you see?" Kara asked.

Lena shook her head. "Bad dreams, that's all."

Kara stroked her hair. "We both know these aren't just bad dreams. They're memories."

Lena sighed jerkily, looked out at the clouds passing in front of the moon.

"You should never have seen that. These memories, I had put them away in my little boxes."

"Little boxes?"

Lena cursed herself for revealing this information for a moment. "Yes --- my little boxes. I put my fears, my failures, my doubts, my emotions into imaginary boxes. Then I close them and put them away, far-- far away, until I forget them."

Kara felt her chin tensing up as she discovered another hidden side of Lena. Actually, it was more of a side effect. It wasn't hard to figure out why Lena needed her little boxes. It was her way of compartmentalizing, certainly since childhood. A time when she had had too much to deal with at the same time, when she had had to grow up faster, to find the courage to file her emotions away. To not let them overwhelm her, to not let them suffocate her, like tonight.

Kara slid her fingers along Lena's arm, saw the goose bumps appear on her touch. "Doesn't work anymore, does it?"

Lena brought her legs back to her and wrapped her arms around them, putting her forehead on her knees. Kara approached her.

"I know you made me promise not to talk about what I saw again, about everything that happened to us after we were bitten. But don't you think it's time to open your little boxes? One by one?"

"I hid them for a good reason." Lena said between her knees.

"To forget them, I know, but you and I both know you don't forget those kinds of memories. We put them aside for a while, bury them, hide them, but they always stay there, they wait. Sooner or later, they find their way back to us, to remind us of that simple truth. They cannot be forgotten."

Lena looked up at Kara. "If I can't forget them, then what choice do I have?"

Kara caressed her face, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "Face them to accept them and accept them to overcome them."

Kara smiled tenderly at her.

"I can't do it, Kara." Lena whispered, shaking her head.

"That's not true. When I finally found you, the real you, in that Narwak connection, playing the piano during the storm, remember?"

Lena nods.

"You made the choice to go back with me. We got out because you decided to, because you were stronger than all this."

"That's not the same thing."

"It's true, it was worse. Right here, right now, you're safe with me."

Kara felt her, so small and fragile. She looked at her like a little animal, its back against the wall, scared, not trusting. No, Lena didn't trust Kara at all, not since she shot her brother.

"Listen, Lena, yesterday I found the strength to tell you how I felt, how I suffered for what happened between us, for what you did to me." 

Kara laughed falsely as she ran her hand through her hair. "I had to borrow the lyrics to a song to do it. But what I didn't tell you is how sorry I am. I know for the past few months I've been looking for forgiveness, but when you pushed me away, then I gave up."

Kara paused briefly and looked down.

"With all the events of Crisis, the loss of Argo and --- of my mother, when I came back to this version of our reality shaped by Lex, I didn't take time to grieve. I simply put it all aside and moved on."

Lena put her hand on Kara's lap. She didn't know about her mother, hadn't made the connection with the loss of Argo.

"I kept moving forward because to stop would have meant realizing how much had happened. I had already lost you, and your absence had left a void far deeper than I had imagined, than I even wanted to admit."

Kara took Lena's hand and squeezed it, looking her straight in the eye.

"So I gave up, I put you in the same category as all the other villains I had to face. Because I had to move on, because I couldn't suffer any more to see you as someone I had to make up for. I let you take the responsibility for getting back on the right path, without deigning to help you, without taking my share of the blame."

Lena swallowed with difficulty, touched and saddened to see Kara like that. Nevertheless, she realized how much she had waited and hoped to hear her say those words. From that cold, distant handshake as Kara pretended to be ready to forgive her.

"It wasn't your fault," said Lena in a trembling voice.

Kara shook her head and Lena kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek. "Sometimes I wish I could go back and give us a chance to start again differently," said Lena.

Kara laughed and then ran her hand over her mouth as she became emotional. "If you knew how many times I've tried, Lena."

"What do you mean?"

Kara put her hand on her forehead. "I mean, I've tried this before. With Mxyzptlk."

"I don't understand at all." Lena said with a raised eyebrow.

Kara smiled at her. "It doesn't matter, what you need to know is that he allowed me to go back to various moments in our relationship, so that I could tell you my secret, by myself. But each time, it was a disaster."

Kara sighed. "I tried to go back into our relationship further and further, to tell you in the best possible way, but every time I did, one of us was in danger, or worse -- one of us would die. I even came to the conclusion that maybe we were better off without each other."

Lena held her breath, prayed that this option wasn't the only one to have a happy ending -- wasn't the reason Kara's attitude towards her changed after Crisis.

"But this last reality was by far the worst." 

Kara relayed the story of how she'd become a stone-hearted dictator who tried to kill her. It would have been pointless.

"When I came out of that reality with Mxyzptlk, I was even worse off than before. I had gone looking for you in different versions of us, I was optimistic and naive, I believed I could change and make things better. But I couldn't. I came back even more disillusioned. I told myself that that's just the way things were, that I couldn't help it, and that you'd made your choice. That's when I gave up, when I made a choice between " right and easy."

A tear fell on Kara's cheek. "I'm so sorry, Lena."

Lena looked at her and didn't know what to say. Kara had apologized to her before, but it wasn't the same, she wasn't ready to listen to her then. Was she ready now? Lena didn't really know. Of all the people who had hurt her the most in her life, only Kara had really come all the way to seek forgiveness. Only she had climbed to the top of her high walls. Only she had seen to the other side. Then when the walls had fallen down, when there was nothing left but rubble around her, Kara had followed her, all the way up here to this castle. If there was going to be a right person, it had to be her.

"I forgive you, Kara." Lena said in a barely audible voice.

Kara took a shaky breath as she wiped her cheeks. She looked into Lena's eyes, trying to find out what was going on in her head. Her eyes were different. Fear was still there, but a different fear, with less doubt.

"I wish I could make you feel like you could trust me, like you're safe with me." Kara bit her lip, hesitated. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

Lena recognized this last sentence, knew that it was no coincidence and that Kara had chosen precisely these words. She felt a heartbreak, not for fear of being hurt again. On the contrary, she was afraid of what was in front of her. The first, and probably the only, person with whom she could open her little boxes. 

"Promise?" 

Kara smiled tenderly, knowing that Lena had recognized their past talk from years earlier.

"I promise."

Kara leaned forward, put her lips on Lena's. A kiss that sealed the renewed promise. 

After that, they hugged each other, clutched each other tightly, as if to hold each other in place, almost fearing they would disappear. 

They went to Lena's closet and put on improvised pyjamas. Panties and large t-shirts. Then Kara offered to brush her hair, claiming it was one of the things she liked the most. Both soothing and addictive. 

Lena had accepted while keeping an afterthought for what she herself had for too long found soothing and addictive, cutting her upper thigh.

They had climbed back up on the big bed and Kara brought Lena's long hair back to her back. She wanted to make her feel relaxed, calm and in an atmosphere where she would feel comfortable sharing. Just the fact that Kara wouldn't look her straight in the eye would certainly help.

Kara brushed for long minutes in silence. She would wait, ask no questions, let Lena gather her courage, judge the right moment. She wouldn't rush her, never again.

"Being a Luthor is more than just carrying a last name. It's the first thing I learned." Lena finally said.

Her words echoed in the deep silence of the room. Then the sound of the hairbrush, then the wind outside.

Lena closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She fetched the small boxes and placed them in front of her. The time had come.

"I came to the Luthor household when I was very young... After my mother died, I had just turned 4."

Kara imagined a tiny Lena, black hair and bright green eyes, walking into that awful mansion, meeting that awful family.

"My father had come to get me, not wanting to leave me with my mother's family. I never knew why. I guess he figured I'd be better off with the Luthors."

Lena laughed for a brief moment. Kara pursed her lips, knowing that the laughter was far from sincere.

"Lillian, who I was forced to call mother, didn't want me, of course. In fact, how can I blame her. I was living proof of her husband's adultery. An illegitimate child who'd been offered the prestigious Luthor name. An honor I didn't yet know I should deserve."

Lena saw that night again, still feeling her stuffed bear between her little arms, the weight of her backpack, her heart beating fast as she was presented with her new home. 

"I've been introduced to my new big brother. A young man with bright eyes and a charming smile. I liked him right away," said Lena as she saw him again as a teenager.

"Lex was happy to have me here, the only one who really made me feel welcome. He showed me around the mansion, the gardens, immediately called me his little princess." Lena barely took a breath for a second as the boxes opened. " His Anastasia."

Kara noticed the choice of the word "his". How again, even under the guise of kindness, Lex was possessive.

"We spent wonderful weeks together during my first few months. He was kind, protective, taught me how to play chess. It wasn't until later I realized he was just taking his time, studying me, getting to know me better. In fact he was just happy to have someone to spend his time with, I think. And finding ways to pass the time, Lex knew how to do that in a lot of ways."

Lena reopened her eyes for a short moment, taking the time to realize where she was preparing to go, to jump. Telling what had happened wasn't a yellow brick path, it was jumping into the void, into the darkness, into fear and shame, into what she had tried so hard to hide from everyone, but most of all to herself.

"Playing chess, playing hide-and-seek in the gardens. Setting up treasure hunts with maps of our mansion. So that I could find my stuffed bear by deciphering riddles. Hours of searching, only to find Mr. Honey hanging in a closet with his belly open and his stuffing half out. Child's play."

Lena sniffed as she mentally set aside an empty box. Kara imagined the poor teddy bear very well and especially poor little Lena. Already so young and receiving wickedness for no reason. How could anyone understand that at 4 years old? You couldn't, Kara said to herself.

"He would put my dolls on the highest shelves of the bookcases to see how long it would take me to get there. A normal child would just cry, go to her mother or father for consolation. Then the big brother would be punished. Not at the Luthors. Mother wouldn't have believed me or cared, father wasn't there. Then I realized crying wouldn't help, there was only one thing to do, and that was to do what Lex was asking."

Lena's fingers tightened on the sheets, as if she was trying to hold on to them. To avoid falling? 

"And as we grew, the games grew with us. The mind is the mightiest of powers, he said to me. It can create, imagine, conquer, control, dominate, achieve greatness." Lena passed her hand on her forehead. "I remember the nights I woke up with a start, after nightmares about..."

Lena saw the precipice in front of her, where she was to go next. She imagined herself raising her arms, turning her back and letting herself fall. Kara wanted to know, Lena was going to tell.

  
  


"Some kids have monsters under their beds, in their closets, I have been haunted by... the boogeyman."

Kara noticed Lena's brief hesitation in naming the boogeyman. The terror of many a child, Kara knew. A creature of the night, a shadowy monster who seemed undeterred by the high walls surrounding the Luthor mansion. No matter how much fortune, no matter how much fame, he had found her. 

"A horrible creature that came to visit me at night, that stopped me from moving, from breathing, that kept me..." Lena's fingers loosened the sheets. Unconsciously, she began to move them frantically. As if she was playing the piano.

"I'd wake up from these nightmares, and every time I did, Lex would be watching me, sitting in the corner of my room. On those nights, we'd go out walking in the backyard."

Kara imagined a young Lex spying on his little sister's sleep. No wonder poor little Lena had nightmares and was haunted by an imaginary monster, she lived with one. 

"Sometimes we'd just sit at the fountain and talk and look at the stars. He'd make me name them, draw the constellations. He'd tell me how beautiful the darkness could be too."

Lena heard scratching and squeaking in her head.

"Other nights, he'd make me climb up to our tree house. Each time I would find some kind of cage or trap where a small animal caught in the garden had been imprisoned. When I said the games had grown with us, that's what they had become. Small prisons that would be deadly if I couldn't find a way to decipher the mechanisms or hidden secrets to free the poor beasts."

Kara imagined the scene, a rabbit, a squirrel or a suffering cat just for Lex's enjoyment, Lena desperately trying to save them. The man was horrible, always had been.

"I wasn't always successful, and in those cases, I was the one who had to... clean up afterwards. Lex would say to me: If you can't save them, how do you think you're ever gonna save yourself? You need to toughen up, Lena. You're the reason I'm doing this."

Lena could still hear the piercing cries of animals, the moaning mixed with her own pleas to her brother to give her the answer to help her before it was too late. But he never helped her, never gave her the answer.

"Other nights he would blindfold me, carry me to the center of the cedar maze at the far end of the mansion gardens. When I managed to get out, the next few times I'd start again from a different starting point, until I knew it by heart, until I could find my way there with my eyes closed."

Kara brushed Lena's hair, and she didn't stop. She was happy to have this distraction, happy that Lena couldn't read everything on her face. It was all horrible. But to be told by Lena, with her soft voice, with her calm tone... It was as if it was normal, as if she was telling the story of a family day at the beach. The way Lena told it, it disturbed Kara to the core. She thought she discovered a lot when she was bitten by the Narwak. She was nowhere near that.

"He hurt me on those nights. It took me a long time to figure out why. There was an obvious reason and a well-hidden one. The easy one, Lex loved to experiment, and I was his favorite guinea pig. He liked to prepare any kind of macabre challenge for me, for science, he said, to sharpen my mind."

Kara was glad to hear Lena rationalize about Lex, it gave her hope for the future.

"The mind is the mightiest of powers," Lena said, imitating Lex's voice.

Kara held back from shivering. Lena was impersonating Lex perfectly, and it frightened her.

"And then one night I understood the other why. I was in bed, afraid of the dark in my room, hearing the boogeyman approaching. Everything was always the same, I had learned to simply wait for the moment to pass, to wake up. But that night, I looked outside. I saw how the darkness outside the mansion was much less frightening. Under the stars, the darkness could also be beautiful. I ran away... but the boogeyman saw me. So I had him follow me like a small animal being lured into a trap, like the ones Lex had imprisoned for me. The boogeyman tried to catch me, but I lost him in the maze."

Lena sighed deeply. Behind her closed eyelids, she saw herself victorious in her pursuit of her monster. One of the few moments in her youth when she had been proud of herself.

"When I came out of the labyrinth alone, I realized that all the harm Lex had done to me was only his way of protecting me, of showing me the mightiest power. The one that can create, imagine, conquer, control, dominate, achieve greatness." 

Kara shook her head as she understood how Lex's twisted mind worked. Lena seemed truly grateful for what her brother had done for her, when she should have been traumatized by it. Kara bit her lip, thought herself silly. The fact that Lena felt that way actually confirmed to her that she had been traumatized by it all. Her vision of her brother was distorted. She should never have been grateful for such atrocities. If Lex really wanted to protect her, he should have woken her in her nightmares, held her, sang her a song, told her he was there, that he would protect her. Not lose her in the maze and make her experience the deaths of innocent animals. 

Lena's fingers stopped playing the piano in the void, tightened on the sheets again.

"I loved Lex, with a different kind of love than a brother and sister can have. I don't know what that must be like anyway. He had his own way of showing me his affection. I loved him as much as I hated him. I needed him as much as I wanted him to stop suffocating me. As much as those moments together were harmful, I needed them. Because without them-- there was nothing else."

Kara promised herself she wouldn't interrupt her and let her go through with it. But she wanted so badly to tell her it was not true, there was so much more to life outside the Luthor mansion. Childhood shouldn't have been this hard.

"I loved him as much as he thought I was pathetic," Lena added, this time in a whisper.

A memory came back to Lena. It was the last day of the Christmas holiday, the one Kara had seen through the Narwak. Lex was driving her back to the airport where their jet would take her back to boarding school. She asked him if he'd miss her. Lex pulled her out of the car and took her hands in his. For a second, he looked at her tenderly, and then seemed to become aware of the misbehavior. He then squeezed Lena's fingers between his own, until she tried to escape. Lex held her back, only told her:

"My biggest mistake was once believing I had a sister. You're not, you're not a Luthor. I've already wasted too much of my time trying to make you better, stronger. You've overcome some things, but you've left too much of yourself behind along the way." He said before he let her go, just so he could point to her upper thigh where he knew she had scars and fresh marks. 

"You're weak, Lena, and I was stupid to think otherwise, to try to help you. You're not good enough, you'll never be, no matter how hard you try. If I am to become the best, I cannot waste my time with you. You come from nothing, you are nothing."

Lena had opened many boxes, was now at the bottom of her abyss where she had jumped to tell Kara. Was she supposed to feel better? If so, she wasn't. She had no walls, no boxes, nothing.

"You come from nothing, you are nothing," Lena said in a barely audible broken voice.

But Kara had heard her, felt her heart clench, the emotion rising in her eyes. 

"All my life I wanted to be like him, but joining Lex was never within my reach, and I've always hated myself for it."

Lena brought her hands on her and rubbed her upper thigh under the sheet. 

Kara put down the hairbrush. She moved to the bed, went in front of Lena. Kara saw her, eyes closed, her lips tightened as she rubbed her upper leg harder and harder.

Kara lifted the sheet and went to take Lena's hand in hers to interrupt her. Lena immediately opened her eyes and stared at Kara with a shameful look. 

"Is that why you were hurting yourself?" Kara asked softly and held her gaze.

Lena nodded her head as tears filled her eyes.

"They still look -- they're horrible" she said, now letting tears stream down her cheeks. "It's such a cowardly and pathetic way to handle..."

"Shhh," Kara said, wiping her face gently.

Lena lowered her eyes to her thigh and Kara finally dared to look as well. 

Silence fell as they both looked at the marks left by what Lena had done to herself years before. Kara put her hand on Lena's knee, stroked her leg as she slowly moved upwards. She wanted to give Lena a chance to stop her if she felt the need.

But Lena let herself go and let the tears fall without saying anything. Kara's fingers came to the scars, long and smooth. She grazed them one by one with the tip of her thumb. Kara tried to imagine the state of distress she had been in to get to this point, so that hurting herself was the only solution. Kara tried to imagine, but she couldn't feel more than her own pain to know what the woman in front of her had endured. This woman, so beautiful and so fragile at the same time. A Lena very different from the one the world knew. 

Lena took Kara's hand in hers, not being able to stand being touched there anymore. "I wasn't good enough, I didn't deserve to be a Luthor."

The silent tears had now become deep sobs.

"Sometimes I just wanted to--" Lena hesitated.

Kara stroked her hair, approached, and went to press her forehead against hers. "Disappear?"

Lena uttered a muffled moan as her tears made her breathing labored. 

"Die," she said painfully.

Kara moved back quickly, looked her in the eyes, as if to validate that she had heard correctly. She met Lena's broken gaze. Until then, Kara had listened, had concentrated on brushing her hair, had remained strong despite all the horrors she was learning. But to see Lena like that, to know that she had been so hurt that she even wished she had died. No, it was too much.

Kara's throat tightened, her eyes became wet in an instant and she couldn't hold it in, she cried too. "You deserved so much better, I'm so sorry."

Kara brought her back to her, took her in her arms. Lena put her head on her shoulder, letting herself rise from her abyss with each new breath caught in Kara's long wavy hair. 

"So am I." whispered Lena. 

The little boxes were empty now. For better or worse.

* * *

Alex had been in Lena's lab all day, continuing to run tests on the Narwak. Kara had been gone for over 24 hours and she hadn't heard from her. Alex would give her a few more hours, and then she should try to call her at Lena's castle. 

Kara was in Ireland, to join Lena, and Lena was in love with her sister. There was something both obvious and impossible to believe in this whole story. 

Alex rubbed her eyes and looked at her watch, she had been here for far too long. She got up, packed up her things and headed for the exit.

As soon as she walked past the screens at Lena's workstation, one of them opened.

Alex turned around and saw the chess site page on the screen. In the chat window she saw Sebastian Melmoth composing a message.

Alex stared at the "..." blinking without being able to look away.

Then the message appeared. 

"Would you like to play with me, Mrs. Danvers?"

* * *

The Sun was up when Lena opened her eyes. 

After crying with Kara, after holding each other tight, they had gone to bed again. Kara had caressed her back and hummed a song and sleep had slowly returned.

Lena rubbed her eyes. They were a little swollen. She noticed Kara's deep, slow breathing, she was still asleep. Quietly, she slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake her up.

Lena went down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She was taking her first sip when she heard it in the distance, the music of  _ Once upon a december _ from the gramophone.

She smiled as she left the kitchen, following the sound. Kara must have wanted to "waltz" again.

Lena walked past the grand piano where Iris's score was still resting on the stand. She walked down the corridor and cleared her throat, then coughed.

The melody stopped and soon the squeaking of the needle tip on the record resounded in the castle. In the hallway the tea was spilled on the floor, the cup broken, Lena unconscious.

Upstairs in the bedroom, the morning breeze lifted the bottom of the curtains, taking with it a green-tinted gas.

Kara breathed it in without realizing it, fell into a sleep that was much deeper than the one she was already in.

* * *

“Wake up.”

Kara opened her eyes. She hadn't blinked more than three times before a terrible pain made her nauseous. 

She tried to get up, but soon realized she was strapped to a stretcher. Dizziness hit her hard, her vision became blurred for a moment. 

"What the hell..." she said, looking around, feeling her heart racing.

She was in a room without windows, with bolted metal walls and ceiling. There was only a red security light above a porthole door.

Another wave of pain overwhelmed her whole body, starting from her forearm. Kara squirmed to try to release herself, but the high heartbeat and dizziness returned. Even worse, the little effort she had put into freeing herself made her feel as if her body had been battered. 

She was weak, tied up, and had no idea where she was. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep at the castle.

There was a gear rattling and Kara looked up. She saw the door open and stopped breathing, realizing who had just entered.

Lex Luthor.

"Where am I, why am I here?" she asked quickly.

"Hello, Miss Danvers." he said, closing behind him, ignoring the question.

"Where's Lena?"

He walked up to her and took her aching arm in his hands. Lex looked her straight in the eye and with a sharp jerk, ripped off the bandage that was covering it.

Kara gritted her teeth and closed her eyes for a brief moment, then looked at him again. He was now staring at the bite left by the Narwak. 

Kara frowned as she noticed how the wound was red and swollen again. 

"Does it hurt?" he asked, pressing on the wound with his thumb. 

The blonde stopped breathing and her body arched. She felt such excruciating pain, she felt it in her bones.

He watched her suffer while biting his lower lip. "I'll take that as a yes."

Lex finally let her go, went to the corner of the room to find a bench and sat down next to her.

"Here we are, finally, just you and me. You've been following my bread crumbs, you've found the home of the wicked witch."

Kara stared at the ceiling. Inside herself she had felt it, knew that it was impossible to outsmart Lex's plan so easily. The Narwak had bitten Lena, she had saved Lena, had felt weak afterwards, it wasn't a coincidence. But everything that had happened between her and Lena had distracted her from the doubt that had settled in her head. That doubt had found her now, had locked her in here with the wicked witch.

"What do you want?" she asked, without deigning to look at him.

"Straight to the point, my dear. But we'll have time for all this, there's no rush at the moment. There's so much I'd like to talk about."

He gave three little pats on the side of her face to force her to look at him. "Much better that way. So, tell me, how did you find our mutual friend? 

Kara frowned, not understanding. He rolled his eyes, finding her stupid.

"That sweet little creature with tentacles, the one that bit you, right there." He caressed the wound.

Kara moans between her clenched teeth.

"I, for one, have fallen under its spell, a fascinating, complex creature with so much potential." He brought his bench even closer to Kara. "Tell me now, what did you see when you were bitten too?"

Kara just stared at the ceiling, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he was looking for.

"You're not very fun, Miss Danvers." He grabbed her arm with his hand and weighed so hard, Kara felt she was going to faint. 

He reached for her ear while he continued to torture her. "You and I are going to have this conversation, do you understand me? And among civilized beings, a conversation is between two people. When we're asked a question, we answer."

Lex took his hand away. He waited for her to start breathing normally again. "I'm giving you one last chance. What did you see in Lena's memories?"

Kara saw Lena kill him again, if only he had stayed dead.

"I saw what you did to her," she said with difficulty.

"I think you're gonna have to be a little more specific because Lena and I have a long history together."

"You're sick," she says as she turns to him.

He smiled at her. "I look at you and you disgust me. I've always hated your kind, but you're the worst, worse than your cousin, and you and I both know how badly I want him dead. You have stained our name."

Lex clenched his lips as if he was actually nauseous from looking at her. "I must admit, I wasn't too surprised to find you at O'Flattery, but in Lena's bed..."

He jumped up, put his hand over his face, and started pacing at the end of Kara's stretcher.

She raised her head, not wanting to take her eyes off him now.

"I don't understand why she kept that castle." He stopped, stared into the void and whispered, "I should have burned it to the ground many years ago."

He turned to her, noticed she was staring at him, that she saw a hint of nostalgia in him. He put on his demented smile again, went to put his hands on the end of the stretcher between her strapped ankles.

"In fact, I don't know who disgusts me more to be totally sincere, you, or my dear little sister." He caressed the bottom of Kara's leg, moved slowly up to her knee. "She let you into the castle, invited you into her bed, opened up her thighs... willingly."

  
  


Kara's chin tensed up, "Willingly?" Why exactly would he use that word, he couldn't really be implying that...

Lex looked into Kara's eyes and laughed. "You think you've seen things by delving into Lena's memories, but in fact, you know nothing."

Kara tried to get out of her restraints, but to no avail. All she felt was the pain of the bonds on her irritated skin. 

"Did she tell you about her boogeyman? What a little girl to call him that. So weak. And I really tried to help her, but she still couldn't face reality."

Lex stared into the void for a brief moment and whispered, "Denial is a powerful thing."

He came back to himself and seemed almost embarrassed that Kara had witnessed this moment of bewilderment on his part. He had gone into a memory and she had seen him being affected by it.

"I tried to show her the way to greatness, to show her how to be strong, how to face her monster, but all she could do was run away. "RUN LENA RUN!" he shouted without warning. "Poor Lena..." he whispered afterwards.

Lex closed his eyes.

"This castle was a gift from our father, did you know that? To try to redeem himself with his beloved Lena whom he loved so much, whom he loved too much, whom he loved wrong, him... her boogeyman," he said, clenching his fists.

Kara shook her head. No, it couldn't be true. Lena's father couldn't really have done that? Not to his own daughter. Was he the boogeyman? No, these were bad dreams, weren't they? Just childhood nightmares? No, it was real, it happened. Lena had tried to tell her, but she hadn't been able to say the real words.

She felt as if a small part of her had just died inside when she heard about it. A naive part of her that believed in goodness and true love.

Kara remembered Lena's memory, when she found her in her room, how she had run away when she heard her father's angry voice in the distance. Kara hadn't understood then, hadn't really wondered why Lionel Luthor's voice terrified his daughter so much. 

Kara's throat closed, unable to catch her breath. Where was Lena now? Was she still in the castle, was she safe and sound... Kara would have given anything to just hold her right now. To tell her that she really knew everything now, that she understood, that she was so sorry. Tell her that she was going to protect her, that she wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her ever again.

"I'm not that evil, am I?"

Lex turned his head to Kara, saw her crying in silence. She seemed genuinely concerned for Lena, affected by what she'd endured in the past. A Luthor and a Super together. He wanted to throw up just watching her cry.

"You have to be strong to be a Luthor, you have to be the best," he said, replacing his jacket, which was perfectly in place. "Lena was never good enough, and tragically, she knew it. If only she'd had the courage to push her razor blades a little harder."

"You're a monster!" Kara shouted as she struggled against the straps with all her might.

She pulled with her arms and legs, arching, but to no avail. Kara let out a scream of rage at being caught here with him.

"So you know what I'm talking about then?" he said, savoring her reaction. "Does she still have her scars, are they still red? Right here, on her upper thigh, on her pale skin."

Lex ran his fingertips across the top of Kara's leg. "Right here."

"WHY!" she shouted as she tried to grab his wrist, to get a chance to break it so he'd never touch her again. "Why," she asked again, this time in an exhausted, weakened voice. 

"It always amused me to watch her destroy herself. And I must say, you've been a great help to me in that matter over the past few months."

Kara closed her eyes, shook her head. She didn't want to hear him anymore. His words were poison, she had to try to protect herself, not let him get inside her head.

"You can try to convince yourself otherwise, my dear. But when we returned from Crisis, in this new world shaped by me, it was almost too easy for me to fool my little sister once more."

Lex laughed, reliving the look on Lena's face as she looked back at him. She was trying to be strong, trying to show that she could tolerate being alone, but she wasn't. More than anything, she wanted to be accompanied, supported, protected. She was pathetic, as he knew she was, but since her troubles with Supergirl, she was even more fragile. She was even easier to play with.

"You served her to me on a silver platter. When I came back, you'd hurt her so badly, she'd convinced herself that the only thing to do was to try to heal mankind. We both know that was her way of dealing with her own pain, but this is Lena, she doesn't do anything halfway."

Kara tried to focus on something else, tried not to listen to him, but it was so hard.

"All I had to do was to support her, tell her everything she wanted to hear, that I didn't want to be alone either, that death had changed me, that I needed her." Lex snapped his fingers. "In an instant, she was mine again. Our whole past didn't matter anymore, everything I'd put her through, forgotten."

Lex reached for Kara's ear.

"What she wouldn't do to not be left alone, abandoned in the dark."

Kara gritted her teeth as Lex's words poured in, slowly destroying everything in their path.

Lex stepped back, sighed as he saw her again with eyes closed. "You're bothering me, open your eyes," he said, taking the bottom of her face with one hand to shake it off.

Kara kept her eyes closed, didn't want to give him anything more, didn't want to have to look at him ever again.

"No? That's okay, you can keep them closed for now, but I guarantee you that in a very short time you're going to reopen them, because you and I are going to play a little game. Then, I'm sure, you'll finally be entertaining."

He walked away from her, crossed the room and opened the door. " Don't disappoint me."

The door closed and Kara opened her eyes again, screaming all the anger she had held in his presence. She breathed with difficulty, clenching her teeth and swallowing her tears. She had to get out of here, she had to find Lena.

A series of rattles rang out all around her stretcher and in an instant the straps gave way. At the same time, the cell door creaked on its hinges. Kara struggled to get up, fell to the floor on her stomach. 

She felt the hardness of the metal under her body, its coldness through last night's improvised pyjamas. Kara lay there for a short while, realizing how weak she felt, how the pain in her arm paralyzed her almost completely.

She tried her laser vision but stopped with a cry of pain and bent down to the floor. Starting from her arm, overwhelming her whole body and lodging behind her eyes, an excruciating pain.

Kara was trembling as the pain slowly disappeared. She didn't dare try to fly, or any other power she possessed. For she felt it, worse knew it, they were gone. Kara clenched her fists and curled up into a ball, put her head in her lap. She felt so small, so vulnerable.

She probably would have stayed there for a long time if it wasn't for the echoing voice she heard in the distance. She got up, stumbled, got up again and walked out of the cell. She arrived in a long corridor where portholes confirmed her whereabouts. Meters below the surface, in a kind of underwater station.

"What the heck..." she said as she approached the portholes.

Kara couldn't understand it. She looked to her right, the corridor led nowhere, stopped less than three meters ahead. She looked to her left, the corridor was getting lost in the dark. Kara ventured over to that side.

The voice came back, and she recognized it, Lex's voice. He was calling out to her. Kara hesitated, but what else could she do, where else could she go but down that dark hallway?

Reluctantly, she continued walking, until she reached the end, until she discovered a room left open. When she crossed the threshold and entered, her heart missed a beat.

"Welcome, Kara, welcome to my little game for you."

The door closed behind her, but Kara didn't care, she was frozen by what she could see.

The room was long and shallow, three of the walls were bolted metal. But the large wall in front of it was segmented in two. From the ceiling to the floor, thick glass allowed her to see into two other adjoining rooms. 

In each room there was a huge transparent tank. The one on the left was holding Alex prisoner, the one on the right was holding Lena.

Kara finally managed to move, rushed to the glass walls and looked for a way to open them. She saw that each section had a radio with a flashing red light. She pushed the button frantically.

"Alex? Can you hear me? ALEX!" 

Nothing.

Kara rushed to the other radio station, tried to talk to Lena as well. But neither of them was aware of her presence.

"It's no use, they can't hear you, not yet." Lex said over a speakerphone from who knows where.

"Let them out," Kara ordered, turning around, looking for the source of the voice.

Lex's laughter filled the room.

"It wouldn't be fun if I did that, would it?"

Kara didn't answer, turned to Alex and Lena again. They were each trying to understand the prison they were in. Alex had climbed a pipe across the top of the tank, trying to open the hatch at the top. Lena, on the other hand, was looking out of the tank following the pipes and wires with her eyes.

"Here are the rules of the game, they're simple. You have five minutes."

"To do what!" Kara cut him off, losing her patience.

"I love your enthusiasm for our game! Five minutes to choose."

Kara closed her eyes. No, he couldn't go there. No --

"Five minutes to choose which one you're going to save."

A timer was displayed on one of the metal walls.

  
  


00:05:00

  
  


"Lex don't do this, I'm begging you, I'll give you anything you want, but please don't do this!"

Lex laughed again as the stopwatch began to count down.

"LEX!" Kara screamed.

"Oh, I forgot, if you don't choose by the end of the allotted time, neither one will be spared. Have fun."

The radio lights turned green. A thud sounded in the direction of the reservoirs, jets of water began to spill inside.

Kara ran to the radio on the right. "Lena!"

Lena turned around, looking for Kara but couldn't find her.

"Kara!" Lena said, moving out of the path of the ice water jets. "Where am I? What is this?"

"It's Lex he's... he's making us play his game."

Kara passed to Alex as Lena began to stare into the void. Another one of Lex's games. She saw all the dead animal carcasses in the tree house, felt the cold of the night as she was lost in a maze. 

"Alex, it's me!"

"Kara, it's Lex he..." Alex said as she jumped to the bottom of the tank.

"I know, it's some kind of game against time."

Alex has been through this before. How was it even possible that twice in a lifetime someone could be trapped and drowned by their captor. 

"There's no valve nearby and the top hatch is locked... I can't get out."

"There's got to be a way out." Kara says.

Alex sighed. If Kara was looking for a way out, it meant she couldn't fly in here, break through walls or melt them down with her laser eye.

"Your powers are completely gone, aren't they?"

Kara pressed her hand to her mouth as she realized she was nothing without her powers. Weak, helpless, unable to save those she cared about most on this earth.

Alex passes her hand over her forehead when her little sister didn't answer. But her silence was just as eloquent. 

"Okay Kara, let's try to think for a moment," she says, holding back from clenching her teeth.

The water came from the depths, was barely above freezing.

Kara punched herself in the face to bring herself back to reality. She went to see Lena, who was motionless, her eyes closed.

"Lena?" Kara asked, pressing herself against the glass.

"I'm not going to make it, am I?" Lena asked with a sigh.

Kara shook her head even though she knew Lena couldn't see her. So much for convincing herself. "Don't say that, I'll find a way, we'll find a way."

Lena nodded, but it was obvious she didn't believe her.

Kara would've told her everything, told her Alex was there too, but she couldn't. How could she tell her that she was in a swing set against Alex? How could she reassure her that everything was going to be all right knowing that? Revealing this information was too difficult. Kara didn't want to choose, wasn't going to choose, would find a way.

"It's Lex's game, Kara." Lena said slowly, as if she already knew it was a lost cause.

  
  


"In a game there's always a way to win."

Lena smiled falsely.

"Lex is always willing to play, but never to lose," Lena said shivering.

Kara turned off Lena's mic, didn't want to believe her. Not now, it wasn't the time. She looked at her for a short while, before resigning herself to go back to Alex, noticed her lips turning blue.

"Think, yes," Kara said, trying not to mind what Lena had just said to her.

Alex had her arms folded around her body, trying to keep her warm. She was walking in the little space she had. "You said it was a game against time?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, then if there's a delay, it's for a reason. What else do you know?"

Kara didn't answer. 

Alex stopped moving, she knew her sister by heart, knew she was hiding something from her. "Kara, what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing, I just need to find a way to get you out of here in less than five minutes."

Alex is looking at the water level.

"How much time is left?"

"Two minutes."

"Kara, what's supposed to happen in two minutes?"

Kara stops pacing and goes back to Alex.

"You're supposed to..."

" To drown myself? I doubt it, look at the water level, it's too low for me to be totally submerged for the time I have left."

She was right, she barely had any at her knees.

"I don't understand." Kara said.

"Why the countdown, then... Kara."

Kara saw time running out, grabbed her head in her hands. "Alex, we have to find a way to get you out of here. What do you see around you?"

Meanwhile, Lena was alone in her head, feeling like the little animals she had to save, had only rarely succeeded. She could hear Lex's voice telling her that he was doing it to make her stronger, that it was for her own good. 

Lena laughs falsely at the irony. She was the little animal now. She looked around, there was nothing. Nothing to decipher, nothing to solve. This game was for Kara. 

This was really just the end of the line. The game had been going on for a while. The Narwak was the starting point. How did Lex know Kara would come to her rescue, the reason the creature would let her in? Lena had never revealed her feelings for Kara to anyone. Had she been so transparent, or had Lex once again managed to fathom her too well? 

Lena realized how Lex was still inside her, in her head, still had a hold and control over her. Because he knew her so well, because only he had the same darkness.

  
  


"Kara, there is no solution!" Alex said.

"You're wrong, there's a way we haven't found it yet. Go back up and try the hatch."

"I've already tried and it's..."

"Do it again, Alex!" Kara said firmly.

"To try something impossible is not to try, Kara, it's simply useless."

"It's not impossible! Try plugging water holes with your clothes, dive down to the bottom to see if there isn't a drain you can activate. Do something, Alex!"

"Don't you think I've tried this before? Do something, do something, what do you think I'm doing right now? I'm the one who's stuck here, not you! And there's no solution." Alex rubbed her eyes. "Kara, get me out of here."

For the first time, Alex's voice was imploring. She was scared, wanted Kara to save her.

"It's gonna be okay, I promise you I'll find a way." Kara lied.

"How?" replied Alex, snapping her teeth.

Kara gritted her teeth, felt her chin tensing, didn't respond. Instead, she went to see Lena. She had as much water as Alex in her tank and she too was shivering with her arms folded around her body.

"Lena, do you see anything that could get you out, do you...?"

"No," Lena said softly to interrupt. "There's nothing here for me." She passed her hand over her forehead. "This game is for you and you alone. You-- do you see anything that could get me out?" 

Lena turned and looked in the direction of Kara, without knowing it. Kara felt as pierced by Lena's gaze as what she had just said. She stared at her beautiful green eyes for a moment, then saw from the corner of her eye that time was running down in a minute.

Kara took her head in her hands and started walking around the room at full speed. "Think, think, think, think," she said to herself over and over. But nothing was coming. 

"I don't want to choose... I can't choose," she whispered.

The water continued to rise and the stopwatch was running out. Only 15 seconds were left when Lex's voice rang out.

"Tick tock."

Kara stopped walking, froze on the spot, an impossible feeling of discomfort forming in her. It was over. She would have wanted to vomit, scream, cry, but her whole body was trapped by this horrible feeling. Helplessness. 

"I don't want to choose," she said in a barely perceptible hoarse voice.

"Not choosing is a choice in itself." 

Kara let herself fall to the ground, looked at Alex and Lena in turn before closing her eyes, bringing her legs back against her and putting her head on her lap.

Lex continued ticking to torture her. She put her palms on her ears, rocked back and forth.

  
  


00:00:05

Kara saw poppy fields again, red as far as the eye could see. She could smell the breeze and the salty air.

00:00:04

She heard the melody of the gramophone, Lena's laughter as they both waltzed horribly and beautifully wrong.

00:00:03

Kara felt her lips resting on Lena's, all the warmth that had been poured into her at that simple touch. Both the beginning and the end of something.

00:00:02

She relived the moment when she held Lena in her arms and she was panting her name with pleasure.

00:00:01

The weight of Lena in her arms after confessing everything to her, the contents of her little boxes. Kara remembered what she'd said to her then: "You deserved so much better, I'm sorry." She would then take her in her arms to protect her. To make her feel like she would never let anything bad happen to her again.

"Alex, I choose Alex," Kara said, bursting into tears.

00:00:00

Alex's tank hatch opened in a metallic squeak. The glass wall separating Kara from the room containing her sister rose slowly. The other glass wall changed colour and became completely transparent, in either direction. 

Kara wiped away her tears and ran to Lena. On the way she stumbled more than once before she leaned against the glass. She knocked and Lena turned towards her.

"Time is up," Lex said.

Lena looked up at the top of the room, the sound was coming to her now too.

"Kara?" Lena turned to Kara, not understanding.

The water began to flow more intensely, and Lena received it on her head and face.

Kara hit the glass with all her might. "NO!" 

"Why don't you tell her the rules of our game, Kara? Or do I always have to be the one to tell my poor sister your little secrets?

Kara screamed where the voice came from. "I'm going to kill you, Lex!"

Lena found a portion of the tank where she wasn't being sprayed directly on herself. She stared at Kara from the other side of the now-transparent wall.

Lex's laughter echoed throughout the room, penetrated Lena to the depths of her heart, went to get her little empty boxes to fill them again. "Our dear Kara here had the chance to save you from this slow and icy agony, she only had to choose between you and her sister. Isn't this a fun game?"

Lena saw Kara screaming at Lex's voice, crying her eyes out in rage at him. "You had to choose," Lena said, looking down.

Kara turned to the glass, pressed herself to it, palm up. "Lena, it's going to be okay. I'm going to..."

Lena took a jerky breath, her face wrinkling as she realized what had just happened. "You didn't choose me," Lena said in a broken voice.

Kara felt herself dying inside as she heard Lena say her words. She saw her crying, panicking as the water level rose her from the bottom of the reservoir.

"Lex, I'm begging you, you won, I lost. Let her go, I'll give you anything you want, I'll do anything. I'm begging you..."

"Rules are rules. Game over." Lex's voice turned into an audio crackle, as if he'd just cut off communication.

Kara pounded the glass with her fists as the water reached the top of the tank.

"NO!"

She saw Lena trying to open the hatch, without succeeding.

"Please no," said Kara, crying her eyes out.

Alex arrived in the same room as Kara, saw her huddled against the glass wall. 

Kara dropped to her knees. She saw Lena resign herself and release the opening of the tank. She let herself go down into the water, put her hand against the glass in the direction of Kara.

Under the water, her skin looked even paler, her eyes even greener. 

Kara imitated her, put a hand on the glass in front of Lena. She held her gaze, saw what she would never have wanted to see. Fear turned into resignation. Lena knew she wasn't going to make it. Worse, that she never had a chance against Alex.

Kara stopped breathing when she saw the last bubbles leave Lena, her body floating upwards, lifeless.

The lights in the room containing Lena's tank went out, the glass wall became opaque again.

Alex, still shivering, rushed to join Kara and take her in her arms. She held her tight, kissed her on the top of her head as they both slumped to the ground, defeated.

Kara could feel the cold of her sister's wet clothes on her. She stared into the emptiness as she felt her heart racing faster than she'd ever felt before. 

"I didn't take the time to tell her I loved her back," was the last thing Kara said.

Her breath broke, her body arched as a panic attack overwhelmed her.

She had lost. Everything.

* * *

Lillian saw the water fill the tank containing Lena. From one of the command posts where she was in the station, she had watched Lex play his little game with Supergirl.

It was obvious that she would choose to save her own sister at Lena's expense, but Lex still insisted on giving her this cruel ultimatum.

Through the Narwak's venom, he had caused her to lose her powers. She was no longer indestructible, so now he could finally break her. And in this matter, Lex was particularly skilled.

He would start by breaking her heart, then he would finish by psychologically demolishing her. 

"Lex, empty the tank immediately!" 

Lillian was trying to reach her son through the command post intercom. There was no answer.

She went to the computers, got into the water supply system, but Lex had locked it with a password. Lillian grunted as she realized he'd double-crossed her. He'd promised her he wouldn't actually kill Lena.

Lillian rushed out of the command post, ran down the corridor to the tank room containing her daughter. At the door, she bypassed the locking system and entered.

The light in the room suddenly went out.

"LEX EMPTY THE TANK" she shouted as she saw Lena floating still.

Again, no response.

She passed her hand over her forehead, pulling back the few rebellious locks out of her bun. She was thinking at full speed as she spun around. 

A red emergency light appeared, flashed next to the door, and finally lit up the surroundings.

Lillian's gaze locked on top of the tank. She grabbed the metal ladder from the side and climbed up. From there, she began to lift the four levers holding each of the walls sealed. 

When the last lever was lifted, a metallic thud was heard throughout the room. In an instant, the four sides of glass in the tank gave way and fell to the floor. 

All the water spilled out, crashing in waves against the armoured walls of the room. Lillian climbed down the ladder again and jumped into the water. She was halfway through her leg. 

"Lena?" 

She couldn't see her.

She kept saying her name even though she knew she wouldn't answer her. In the dim red light of the room, she reached into the water with her arms.

Her heart skipped a beat when she finally felt something. She knelt down in the water and raised Lena's body to the surface. 

Lillian pulled out the black hair covering her face, put her hand on her cheek and brought her ear close to her heart. It was no longer beating.

The light on the ceiling came back on and the door of the room opened in a squeak of steel. The water level suddenly dropped, and spread out into the hallway.

"Mother, what have you done?"

Lillian wrapped her arms around Lena's lifeless body and turned to her son. "You promised me."

Lex looked up at the sky and sighed. "It's just a game and she lost it."

"Silly boy, this is not a game! You killed your own sister!"

Lex laughed as he joined her. He knelt down beside her and took Lena in his arms.

"Let's just say she and I are even now. Isn't she beautiful like that. Peaceful?"

Lillian shook her head and put her hand to her mouth.

Lex forced himself up, lifting Lena in his arms. He walked out into the hallway, took one last look at his mother, who hadn't budged.

"Don't worry mother, she won't stay dead for long. I'm far from finished with her. My dearest little sister."

She saw him put a soft kiss on Lena's dripping hair, then he walked away, disappeared from her sight. Lillian had made a terrible mistake, in fact, she had made several mistakes in her life regarding her two children. She was finally realizing it, right here, right now, in the icy water that her son had used to drown her daughter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you at the beginning of the chapter that this would be a different turn... Don't panic, more chapters to come. As I read your comments, I realize that just one more chapter will not allow me to properly conclude what happened.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my dearest Beta. In this chapter you helped me so much with your words and your unique point of view. I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks darling.

* * *

  
For those who are interested, here are the two songs I listened to over and over again to write this chapter. They seem to have been written by Lena herself:

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-q5H84tstA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-q5H84tstA)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkEa3TwTEUA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkEa3TwTEUA)

The song Sam's referring to: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXt4MGCgGrU>

Music coming from the cottage: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KINhtnRULYQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KINhtnRULYQ)

* * *

The night was dark, with no moon to light it. In the distance, the sound of the waves crashing on the cliffs, the wind getting caught in tall trees. 

With the cracking of a match, the darkness welcomed the glow of a flame. It spread, and in an instant, became a mighty blaze. 

Lena looked at her burning castle. Behind the high windows, an orange light. A thick black smoke rose from under the roof.

Anyone else would have been horrified by this tragedy, by this fire that would ruin this century-old castle. 

Anyone but Lena. 

As she looked upon the scene, she had no regrets, other than that she hadn't done it sooner. This castle had to be destroyed, selling it wouldn't have been enough, wouldn't have been as meaningful. 

The flames were high in the sky now and Lena could feel their heat on her face. She felt a deep satisfaction in witnessing so much destruction. For all that O'Flattery meant, for everything it was. A poisoned gift, a plea for forgiveness that should never have been granted.

But more recently, this castle had witnessed something that was consuming Lena even more deeply. Kara.

The windows burst and flames came out along the stone walls. Pieces of glass flew close to Lena, but she didn't flinch. She watched without worrying about the danger of being so close. There was no point now.

Lena walked away from the castle, headed for the cliff. She looked down at the restless, noisy waves. They seemed to call out to her. 

Lena turned her back to the void, stared into the night one last time before closing her eyes. She raised her arms and let herself fall backwards.

* * *

“Nooooo!” 

Kara woke up with a start, sitting in her bed, her hand stretched out in the void as she tried to keep Lena from falling. For a moment, she forgot where she was, when she was.

Reality caught up with her suddenly, while the arm she had stretched out in the air made her suffer again. A sharp pain overwhelmed her, bringing with it the memories that refused to disappear. 

Kara brought her arm up against her and let herself fall onto her side, cowering and clenching her teeth, praying for the pain to stop. 

She saw Lena's face again underwater, her eyes imploring her to help, then empty, lifeless. 

Kara moaned as she closed her eyes, banging her forehead on the mattress, trying to get rid of the images. But she only managed to replace them with others. 

She felt the blade in her palm, the warmth of the blood flowing between her fingers. Then nothing. The pain of the Narwak's bite ceased, so did the memories.

Kara straightened herself up by putting her hand under her pillow. Her heart missed a beat as her fingers couldn't find the sweater she'd placed there. She lifted one pillow, nothing, she lifted another, took off the sheets one by one, nothing. 

Kara breathed faster and faster, she leaned over to the edge of the bed, finally saw it, on the floor, between the mattress and the bedside table. She held it close to her, buried her face in it and lay down again. Her eyes closed instinctively as she breathed in the smell of Lena. A mixture of her perfume, her soap and shampoo, her scent alone. But as comforting as that smell was, it was beginning to fade. Kara knew this, but preferred to ignore it. Soon the scent of Lena in that stolen sweater would be gone. And nothing could bring her back.

Kara brought the blankets over her, covered herself over her head. To hide from everything. From the reality that never failed to catch up with her, from remorse and shame. Of the night that brought its share of nightmares, of this apartment with dead plants and piles of mail gathering in the dust. The feeling of never feeling at home again. Of tomorrow being the day of the Luthors' funeral.

Six months had passed since the submarine station. Since then, everything had changed. Kara hadn't recovered from the loss of Lena or the powers that never came back. The sunlamps had been no help, and the creature, the Narwak, had died on its own. 

Supergirl was gone, as were the Luthors for that matter. Only Alex and Kara had made it to the surface. The only survivors of this tragedy that neither of them were allowed to come out into the open. Heaven and earth were stirred to find Lillian, Lex and Lena. But to no avail. They had been pronounced dead as the result of a tragic accident on the high seas. Their ship had hit a high reef and sunk, leaving no survivors. 

That was the official story.

Kara, on the other hand, had her own version, hadn't revealed it to anyone, not even Alex. She did what Lena showed her, she ran away. What was the point of staying anyway? Who was she now if she had no power? Nothing.

She had failed to save one of the people she cared about the most, whom she had promised to be by her side and always protect her. No, Kara was useless, couldn't be there for anyone, didn't have the strength anymore.

So she was just gone, where? She couldn't remember at times. Kara had sunk deep inside herself, into a dark, cold place where the Narwak's bite continued to torture her. A pain that had become so familiar now that Kara had almost come to love it. For that was what she deserved, to suffer, to be alone, in the dark. 

Where Lena was, where Kara had left her, didn't choose her. 

* * *

The bells resounded loudly in the high spires of National City Cathedral. The sky was gray, threatening. 

The surrounding streets had been closed to traffic because the funeral was a major event. Media from the city, the country and even some from abroad were on site. 

Everyone knew the Luthors. By name, by their empire, by their deeds and now, by their tragic end and all the mystery and uncertainty surrounding it. Much was written about them while they were alive, and continued to be written about them after their death.

Sitting at a park bench in front of the church, Alex waited, alone. She had assured Kelly that she was fine, just did not want to enter the church for the moment, wanted to wait for Kara here, alone.

As Alex looked at her watch, she began to suspect that Kara wasn't coming. They hadn't spoken much in the past few months, Kara wrote to her once a week, reassuring her that she was doing relatively well, telling her where she was and not to worry. 

Alex watched the people arrive, becoming more and more numerous. Among all these faces, she recognized some of them. J'onn and M'gann, James and Kelly grouped together. Close to them but just far enough back, Nia was there too. Further on she saw Andrea Rojas talking with none other than Cat Grant. Their discussion looked animated, for sure, Cat did not appreciate what the company bearing her name had become. 

"May I sit down?" asked a voice that Alex recognized immediately.

"Sam!" she said as she hugged her. "You're here, but where's Ruby?"

Sam broke away from their embrace and pointed to J'onn and the others who were now talking to her daughter who had grown and changed so much. 

The two of them sat on the wooden bench, looking at the imposing cathedral that stood before them.

"I'm really sorry I didn't come back sooner, but with L Corp in Metropolis it's been hell since -- since all this. Ah, I can't even say it. I can't even believe it. Lena and the Luthors all dead, it just seems impossible."

Alex nodded. "Indeed, it does seem impossible."

Sam turned to the bench, looked at Alex, and saw in her face what she wasn't saying.

"I may be high up in L Corp, but what happened behind closed doors between the lawyers for each of the Luthors and the executors..."

Sam sighed. "All this, all this story that's been given to the media and the public, I don't believe it, but it's..."

"The official version." Alex completed.

"What about the real version, Alex? The one you and Kara were forced to keep secret? And don't say you can't tell me, we don't care about that. Tell me, please." 

Sam put her hand on her shoulder and Alex looked her straight in the eye.

"If only I knew. I mean, I was there, but I don't know what happened after Kara evacuated. I was the first one out of there, and then Kara was the next one to go back up to the surface, and then no one else."

"Go back up to the surface?" Sam asked, not understanding.

"It wasn't a boat, Sam. It was an underwater station. Lena and I had been kidnapped by Lex to torture Kara, to force her to choose between the two of us who she would save."

Sam put her hand over her mouth, distraught.

"So you understand that she chose me. Then I'll tell you the short story, Kara broke me out, but she stayed behind and..."

Alex relives that moment, herself alone at the surface of the water, the dark blue vastness as far as the eye can see in all directions. How she'd waited, begging for Kara to come back up. Because the way they'd split up, there was no sign that she'd come out of it too.

"And then here we are, the only two unknown survivors of what is now the Luthors' shipwreck."

Sam took her in her arms, and Alex let her. 

"To think they're having a joint ceremony for all three," Sam said, hiding her tears.

"It's horrible indeed."

Alex didn't want to be there, not only because of what the whole masquerade was, but also because she was the reason Lena hadn't survived. She had been Kara's choice. And although she thanked heaven every day that she was still alive because of her sister, it was still a heavy burden to bear. 

Especially seeing the way Kara couldn't grieve, couldn't get over what had happened, couldn't accept Lena's death. 

"I need to speak for Lena during the ceremony." Sam began removing her tears while controlling her mascara in front of her eyes. 

She took cards out of her jacket and handed them to Alex. "Here's what I'm gonna say. With what I've just learned, I don't know if I'll have the strength to say it."

Alex looked down and read.

_We live and we die_

_Like fireworks_

_Our legacies hide_

_In the embers_

_May our stories catch fire_

_And burn bright enough_

_To catch God's eye_

_We live and we die_

_Like fireworks_

_We pull apart the dark_

_Compete against the stars_

_With all of our hearts_

_Till our temporary brilliance turns to ash_

_We pull apart the darkness while we can_

_May we live and die_

_A valorous life_

_May we write it all down_

_In cursive light_

_So we pray we were made_

_In the image of a figure eight_

Alex took Sam's hand in hers and squeezed it as she became emotional and remorseful.

Sam cleared her throat. “Lena really was fireworks, she truly competed against the stars with all her heart, until her temporary brilliance turned into ash, she pulled apart the darkness as long as she could.”

They stayed that way. Waiting for the courage to join the others and speak to the crowd for Sam. Continuing to wait for her little sister for Alex.

But neither of them came, and they still had to get up, cross the street, and join the most eagerly awaited and publicized funeral of all time, that of the last three Luthors. 

* * *

Leaning behind a tall pine tree at the edge of the woods, Kara had waited until everyone had left the cemetery. When at last there was no one left, she got up, adjusted her black outfit, and walked between the graves.

With a slow and uncertain step, she walked around the three piles of soil left for later, the countless flowers left by all the mourners or vultures who were only after the Luthor fortune. 

Kara went to the hole where Lena's coffin had been lowered. Ebony black like her beautiful hair, it was empty, only symbolic. A handful of dirt and a red rose had been thrown in, like the lipstick she almost always wore.

  
  


Kara looked up at the grave.

Lena Kieran Luthor

1993-2020

“Hi, Len…”

Kara couldn't finish that short two-word sentence. It was the first time she'd ever spoken to Lena out loud since that night. 

She took a jerky breath as her eyes became moist.

“Hi, Lena. I wrote you a letter” Kara reached a hand into her long coat, removing a white envelope. “It’s nothing new, it’s just that song we… it’s our song.”

Kara frowned, seeking to control the emotion. She looked right, then left, to make sure no one could see her.

“I keep hearing you play it on the piano in my head. But I can't find the strength to sing along.”

Kara felt the creature's bite, heard the piano notes in her head mixed with the wind in the high branches of the forest surrounding the cemetery. The notes that had accompanied the song that had brought them together. The words took on a whole new meaning now.

“I guess everything is really meant to be broken.” she murmured, staring at Lena's name carved in stone. 

The pain in her arm came up to her throat, squeezed her, threatening to suffocate her. Kara didn't struggle, closed her eyes and let herself be overwhelmed by it as tears streamed down her cheeks and she couldn't hold them back.

“I’m so sorry, Lena.”she managed to say with difficulty.

Her knees bent and she dropped to the ground at the edge of the hole. Kara took her face in her hands, seeing Lena's piercing green eyes under the water in the reservoir. Her hand against the glass wall, the last air bubbles before the end.

Before the end.

Kara punched the earth, as she had done against the armoured glass separating her from Lena. 

She uttered a deep scream, at first choked by the pain holding her at the throat, then loud and powerful as her rage came to reinforce the pain of having lost her. 

In the high peaks, the birds flew away in fear at this scream of agony.

Kara found the strength to get up and once again put her black outfit back on. She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. She took the letter, kissed it and dropped it on the coffin. 

* * *

Still in her black outfit, Kara went to the Catco Tower. The unpaid leave she had taken had ended with her dismissal. They had not heard from her at the end of the leave, she had ignored all the e-mails and calls from her colleagues and even from Andrea Rojas himself. As a result, her job was terminated.

It was also one of the reasons why Kara was in town, to pick up her things. But since her access had been revoked, she couldn't go upstairs, could only go to the reception desk on the ground floor.

"Kara Danvers, I'm here to pick up my personal effects," she says to the man behind the marble desk.

He waved to her and made a call. Meanwhile, Kara turned her back on him, looking around, wondering if she was really going to miss this place. 

"There you go, Miss Danvers." 

Kara turned around, saw a box containing frames, files, several trinkets and on top, her press cards plastified with ribbon. As she was about to grab the box, the door of the nearby elevator opened.

The security guard coming from Catco's floor forced a woman in her fifties out, holding her firmly by the arm.

"You're not to come back here again, ma'am."

"But I must speak with a reporter, you hear me! My daughter is still alive, I know it!"

The guard sighed as he adjusted his cap.

"That's not the question, ma'am. I'll pass on to you again what I've been told: Catco doesn't do this kind of investigation. Do not come back here again, or it will be the police escorting you out of the tower."

The woman struggled and tried to get back in the elevator. The guard pushed her away and she was thrown toward the front desk. 

"Hey!" Kara yelled at the guard, walking straight towards him, forgetting that she had no powers left.

"Stand back, ma'am, immediately," said the newly posted guard. 

He didn't know Kara's face, she'd been away before he started working here.

Kara just stared at him and preferred instead to go and help the lady get up. In her fall, she had also knocked over Kara's effects box.

"Don't come back here again, ma'am," he added before getting back on the elevator. 

Kara bent down on the floor and reached out her hand to the woman as she got back on her knees. She noticed her face, the few small details confirming that she was an alien. A little blue scale near her ears and along her neck, eyes changing color in a subtle gradation.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" Kara asked.

The woman began to cry, seemingly at her wit's end. She nodded and continued to pick up Kara's pencils until her eyes fell on one of the press cards.

She took it between her fingers and slowly raised her head to meet Kara's uncertain gaze. Her face seemed to light up as she took Kara's hands in hers.

"Now I am!"

* * *

Kara walked through the oval door of the plane, was shown her seat by the flight attendant in navy blue uniform. 

She squeezed her bag against her as she made her way to the back of the plane. Luckily for her, she had booked the window seat. Kara put her bag away and sat down, pulled up the plastic curtain so she could see outside.

She sighed as she realized where she was, in an airplane, and all the irony of having to fly that way. The day before, this woman had begged her for help and Kara had not been able to refuse.

Firstly, because the woman, being an alien, was already having a hard time being heard and believed by the authorities and the media. For yes, she had tempted the media. Kara had invited her home, without even bothering about the mess, having long since passed that stage.

While having tea, the lady had explained to her how her daughter had gone on a backpacking trip to discover the countries of Europe. During the last one she had been in a car accident and her body had not been found. After a rather brief search they had pronounced her dead and closed the file.

Where no one wanted to believe her, where no one wanted to give her the chance to explain herself, was on the particularity of this woman and her daughter's people. Their genetics gave them the ability to feel beings sharing the same blood. Thus, the woman knew that her daughter had not died in that car accident. She was alive somewhere, but no one wanted to help her.

No one except Kara.

This story had touched her and given her a chance to help someone, too. Something she hadn't done in months. Without her powers, she had no purpose. Today, as she was about to fly to her final destination, she felt she could help. 

And with Lena's funeral, her nightmares, and her need never to stay put, this was a fitting case. Finally, when the woman had indicated the country where her daughter had last been seen, Kara knew it was destiny. A twist of fate or a sign. 

Ireland.

As people continued to arrive and stow their carry-on luggage, Kara took out paper and a pen from her coat. She untied the tablet from the back of the seat in front of hers and began to write.

She had been doing this for months. Writing to Lena. It was her way of keeping looking for her, keeping her alive, as a correspondent. One letter a day. She would write her thoughts, her day, a poem or a song. Then she'd put it in an envelope and mail it to the only place that mattered, O'Flattery Castle.

Today, Kara wouldn't have to send her letter, she could go deliver it in person. So she simply wrote a short excerpt from a Tom Odell song she knew. For she didn't have the courage to write more, for her words could not compete with this simple excerpt that seemed to have been composed for the way she felt at the moment.

_Take my mind_  
_And take my pain_  
_Like an empty bottle takes the rain_

  
_And heal_

* * *

After leaving the airport, Kara looked on her cell phone at the place where the young woman had disappeared. It was less than an hour's drive from the village where she had gone to the café with Lena. Another twist of fate or a sign?

Kara wasted no time in asking more questions, took a taxi to the village. In the central square with the fountain she saw the café, the music shop and the florist again. 

The air was fresh, familiar, she felt like she was coming home. Almost like home. The essential was missing, would always be missing.

She dragged her suitcase to a small inn a little further on. When she pushed the door open, a huge man with a beautiful moustache with his sides rolled up greeted her.

"Welcome Miss!" he said enthusiastically. 

"Thank you," she said as she fought against her suitcase, one of the wheels of which had just given up. "I'd like to rent a room for..." she hesitated. How long did she need it for? "A week, please."

The man took her paper ledger, marked the days and turned to pick up a key from the wall. Kara gave him her information, paid him half the money and took the key, which he handed her.

"This is your first time in Ireland?" he asked, acknowledging her American accent. 

"No," said Kara, playing with the key in her hand. "I'd like to rent a car, do you know if..."

The man grimaced. "Sorry miss, the one we usually lend out is in the garage until at least tomorrow, but as soon as it's available I'll let you know."

Kara nodded in response, what else could she say. She turned on her heel, not wanting to drag herself into a conversation that would surely become uncomfortable for her and him. She took the narrow stairs, grumbling at every step against her suitcase swinging from side to side and her bag hitting her ribs. 

When she finally arrived in the room, she discovered a picturesque and beautiful setting. There was no private bathroom, only a washbasin on the wall. There was a stone fireplace in the outside wall, a wooden desk with a view of the fountain and a bed that seemed anything but comfortable. But it would do the job. 

Kara settled down and then felt her stomach growl. She walked out of the inn and saw the florist staring at her in the distance. She thought that he must be finding her face familiar, wondering where he'd seen her before. 

Kara thought about running to the coffee shop as she was so hungry and remembered how delicious their croissants were. But instead, she let herself be lured to the music store. 

"I'm closing for a few hours," said the owner's voice from the back of the store. 

The lady came to join Kara and, unlike the florist, recognized her immediately.

"Ah hello! Coming for a score again?"

Kara swallowed with difficulty, hearing Lena play the piano in her head. "No idea."

The woman looked confused. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you I have to close up, I'm leaving for a delivery, at least, when the damn delivery guy gets here. I'm shipping an upright piano today!" the lady said enthusiastically.

It must have been obvious that this little shop didn't often sell large instruments. 

"I'll be back, that's all right."

"Wait, wait, there's no rush, I'm waiting too, as you can see. So what brings you here?"

Kara passed her hand on her forehead. "I'm here to find someone... but since there's no car at the inn, I'd say I'm just visiting."

"Looking for someone... I don't think anyone's lost, but as far as getting around, I can take you today, with the delivery. Where did you want to go?"

Kara didn't see herself going off to investigate with a delivery truck, a delivery guy, and a music store owner. But before she turned down her offer, she remembered the letter written on the plane, she had to go bring it in person.

"O'Flattery Castle?"

The woman's face changed. She went to answer Kara's question, but horns honked behind the shop, startled her and made her forget what she was going to say.

"There he is!" she said, rushing to the back of the store. "Please lock and turn the open sign over." 

Kara raised her eyebrows but did as she was told. Then she went to meet the owner, found her and the delivery man forcing the piano upright into the truck. Kara hurried to give them a hand, and as she was about to leave, the woman motioned for her to get on board.

Never mind her rumbling stomach, this was her only chance today to get out of the village.

* * *

The truck turned on a gravel road where the vegetation was trying to come together on both sides. As if to take this path back to her, to hide it, not to let anyone find it.

The driver growled as Kara heard the branches rubbing and breaking on the hood. They drove particularly slowly, the path turning here and there, as if to try to discourage them from continuing. 

The vegetation finally dispersed and an old cottage appeared. All in red brick marked by time, with paneled windows and all around, flower gardens and a small stone wall to delimit the property. 

The man stopped his truck in front of the flat stone path through the garden to the cottage. 

"Let's go, I hope she doesn't want it upstairs," he said, slamming the door.

The shop owner and Kara exchanged a conspiratorial smile and went out in their turn. Kara looked at the little house that seemed to call out for her, without really knowing why. It was beautiful.

Without realizing it, Kara approached the stone wall surrounding the cottage. She saw movement inside, certainly the person who had placed the order. What at first was just a silhouette gradually became clearer.

Dark hair, a cup in hand, the woman turned around. That face, her face.

Kara's heart leapt so hard in her chest that she thought it was going to come out of her throat. She pressed her hand against her mouth as she stumbled over the fine gravel. 

"Are you all right, miss?" the delivery man asked, stepping around from behind the truck.

Kara didn't answer. She couldn't see where she was. She could only see the underwater station, felt the punches she had painfully endured, warm blood running through her fingers, the bite of the icy water.

"Miss?" said the man as he tried to lift her by the arm.

Kara stopped breathing when he touched her arm. The pain of the bite overwhelmed her and brought out a small muffled groan. She pulled herself away from the man in a sudden movement. 

With a confused look and wheezing breath she tried to get up, but stumbled and fell on the ground again.

Lena's green eyes, her voice saying "you did not choose me".

Kara hit her head as she struggled to get up. Without even turning around, without even giving any explanation to those who had brought her here, she began to run towards this path with invasive vegetation. 

She ran until she didn't have the strength anymore. She ran without really knowing where. 

"Lena is gone. Lena is dead." she kept telling herself over and over.

It was all just a horrible hallucination. Ireland was bringing up too many memories with Lena. Their last moments had happened here. It wasn't Lena in that little brick house, it couldn't have been her. She had drowned in a tank without Kara doing anything. She had sunk with the station into the depths, she hadn't been found, an empty coffin had been buried. No, the whole thing was a hallucination.

"Lena is gone," Kara whispered as she realized where her footsteps had unconsciously led her.

Near the coast, a view of the setting sun. The sound of high waves in the distance. O'Flattery.

Kara walked the remaining distance, made her way to the stone wall surrounding the estate. A wrought-iron mailbox hung there, just to the right of the metal gates. She saw it, ajar, overflowing with letters she had written herself.

Kara's jaw clenched and her eyes became moist as she saw months and months of letters sent here. A vain attempt to grieve. Sending her words to this place where everything had changed. Letters that had reached their destination, like debris washed up on the shore. With no one waiting for them, no one to retrieve them. 

"Lena is dead." Kara said to herself as she heard Lex's voice in her head.

If Kara was haunted by the memory of Lena, Lex continued to torture her, too. Probably would do it forever, she thought, no longer finding the strength to fight back.

Kara left the letters there, passed the gates and walked to the castle. At least what was left of it. She walked without reacting to what had happened, as if hypnotized, drawn to the black ruins standing in the sunlight disappearing in the distance. 

The castle had been set on fire. Its stone walls were still standing in places, but the windows had burst, the roof had collapsed, crushed under its weight what had not already been swept away by the flames.

Kara saw Lena's grave again, remembered what she had told her. "I guess everything really is meant to be broken."

There was nothing left. Everything had been lost, sacrificed, destroyed and burned. 

She gazed at the ruins as she heard the notes of ghostly pianos all around her. The gramophone spinning for a waltz that would never happen again. A match struck in the night, the end of O'Flattery.

Kara turned away and walked towards the cliff, guided by the nightmare of the day before. For after setting the castle on fire, Lena had come here, to the high peak overlooking the beach, the rocks, and the threatening waves.

She turned her back to the blue vastness, raised her arms, looked at the castle again. But really, all she could see was Lena. Jerky images following one another at full speed. Smiles, tears, cries, a kiss, a hug, a dance, the last bubbles up the reservoir.

The nightmare ended with Lena letting herself down, that's where Kara was. Her heart was beating fast and strong, the salty wind was lifting her hair, calling her towards him.

"Jump you coward, jump" 

Kara hit her face as the bite began to torture her again, reminding her of the choice she had made.

_"I'm not going anywhere,"_ she remembered saying for a second time.

_"Promise?"_ Lena asked again with her broken voice and sad eyes, afraid to be abandoned once again.

  
  


Kara hit herself again. "I promise." 

The last blow she gave herself made her lose her footing, over the edge of the cliff. For an instant, she found herself in the void. For the first time in her life, Kara felt an atrocious fear accompanying this sensation. She who had known how to fly, now had to fear the void. For it would soon have hit her against the rocks, carried her away by the high waves. 

This fear for her life, a remnant of instinct made her cling to the edge on a stone more protruding from the wall. With her feet in the air, her skin scraping on the edges of the stone she was holding on, not yet ready to let go.

"She burned down the castle," Kara whispered.

Was this nightmare really a nightmare? That woman in her hidden little house who had bought a piano from the same store where Kara had taken Iris' score, could she be Lena?

"No... Lena is gone, Lena is dead."

Then how do you explain the castle? There was still a doubt, a foolish hope, but however small, a little hope all the same. 

"Climb, you coward!" Kara said to herself as she forced herself with her arms.

In a cry of pain and effort, she pulled herself up on the edge of the cliff, turned on her back and stared at the darkening sky. How to tell the difference between right and wrong? How to know if she should let herself fall into the void or cling to a slim hope that might destroy her even more?

Kara found herself walking down the road again, not remembering how she got here, still staring at the night sky and getting lost in her thoughts. She had been unwell for a long time. But why bother.

With only the sound of her footsteps on the earth and gravel, she wandered through the night, from memory, until she passed the poppy field. Darkness stole the red as far as the eye could see and she could only remember. Kara picked a flower and took it with her to this path hidden by the overgrown vegetation.

She wandered through the branches and leaves, arriving again in front of that cottage where she thought she saw Lena.

There was light coming from the windows on the left side and one of them had been ajar. Even from outside she could hear it, the sound of the upright piano.

A melody neither dark nor sad, but full of a touch of melancholy. Beautiful and above all complex. Kara followed it, carefully opening the small wooden door of the stone wall.

At that moment, the music became faster, louder, and what came out of it reached Kara in a place she didn't think the music could get to. She looked at the flower in her hand and then dropped it, turned back.

The notes became sharper and sadder.

Kara rubbed her forehead as she walked over the wall. She couldn't do that. She couldn't go into that house to just check if it was Lena.

It wasn't fear of being wrong, but fear of being right. What if it was really her? Kara couldn't track her here. If Lena had truly survived, she would have come back to her on her own terms. 

The music stopped, and Kara stood still. Her attempt to do the right thing, to make the proper decision evaporated. She had to know, needed to know. For all those months of thinking she was dead, for all those months of crying in her sweater at night, writing her letters without ever getting an answer. 

Tonight she'd have an answer. It wasn't a good decision to approach the cottage again, to take the flower left on the floor. But Kara knew making the right decisions hadn't been her strong suit lately.

The door opened and Kara looked up. Time stood still as a blue gaze got lost in a green one. 

"Lena..." whispered Kara, passing her hand over her mouth.

Lena squeezed the hand she had on the doorknob.

"I thought you were dead." Kara said between her fingers still in front of her mouth.

"I was," Lena said in a voice trying not to shake.

Kara took a few steps towards her. "Not anymore."

Lena looked down. "I wouldn't say that."

Kara came closer, but Lena raised her hand to her.

"Don't."

Kara took a step back, dropped the poppy on the flat slabs between the grasses. Lena followed the flower with her eyes, frowned, clenched her teeth and breathed noisily through her nose. 

Kara looked at her, so close and so far at the same time, keeping her distance was impossible for her now. "I can't.

She took the few steps that separated her from Lena. Lena moved back into the house and Kara followed her, unable to do otherwise. Attracted, hypnotized. 

Lena took her face in her hands and turned around for a short moment as if trying to escape. But Kara was there, had found her, there was no place to hide anymore. 

Kara went to stand in front of her to stop her spinning. "Are you real? Tell me you're here, tell me this is not another one of my dreams?"

Even though Kara could see her here, she didn't trust herself, didn't believe herself. 

"No," Lena just said, dropping her arms on either side of her body. She gazed at Kara again. The look on her face, confused and desperate at the same time.

There was so much to say, so much and nothing at once. What to say now that they were standing in front of each other? Lena couldn't believe she was there. She swore she'd never see her again. Now all of this had been for nothing.

Kara reached out her hand to Lena. 

She wanted to touch her, was afraid she would disappear, that she would wake up at any moment, in her dusty apartment with its dead plants and piles of mail.

Lena grabbed her wrist in the air before Kara could touch her.

"You shouldn't be here, Kara."

"I know."

Lena's fingers wrapped tighter around her arm. "Then leave."

Kara looked into her eyes, trying to reach her beyond that threatening gaze. But she couldn't find it. She swallowed with difficulty. "I can't."

Lena frowned. "And why is that?"

Kara breathed out jerkily, looking for her courage. "Because I lo..."

Kara didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as Lena, still holding her firmly by the wrist, pushed her against the wall behind her.

"Don't you dare say that to me," she said, holding Kara against the wall.

Kara felt the blood missing, her hand becoming numb.

"I'm sor..."

Lena pressed her other hand over Kara's mouth, preventing her from completing what she wanted to say. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth. 

"No..." 

Lena put her forehead against Kara's, one hand still over her mouth and the other over her wrist. She had tried so hard to escape her, now that she had her so close, she was holding her prisoner. Lena felt something both intoxicating and disgusting about dominating Kara like that. But was it Kara she was trying to control, or what she represented?

Lena felt one of Kara's hands graze her arm. Immediately, she opened her eyes again, took her hands off her, only to abruptly push back the one Kara had tried to put on her arm in return.

"Please Lena, let me..." Kara begged, taking a step forward.

Lena placed her hand on Kara's chest to once again lean her against the wall, to keep her from approaching. 

"Let you what, speak? Let you in?" said Lena, smiling falsely.

Kara simply nodded her head.

Lena laughed for a short moment and looked up to the sky. "Never again." she said between her clenched teeth.

Kara had felt Lena's laughter deep inside her, had felt it trying to destroy what little she had left. Her jaw clenched and she felt her eyes fill with tears. 

"Don't you dare cry in front of me." Lena said as she approached Kara, staring straight at her, challenging her to disobey her.

But Kara couldn't help it, the tears found their way down, flowed into the corners of her eyes.

Lena couldn't bear to see her tears, to see what they testified. Most of all, she wouldn't let them get to her. She pressed herself against Kara, put her hands on her face and wiped her cheeks with the tips of her thumbs. But no sooner had she removed them than others began to fall.

"Stop," said Lena as her hands began to shake, realizing that she couldn't control what was happening.

"I can't," Kara replied in a high-pitched, heartbreaking voice.

Lena looked at this sad, small, fragile blue. Heady and intoxicating.That's what Kara had become, or had she always been to her? Lena had long had a soft spot for this, had enjoyed the suffering she imposed on herself. By a stroke of the blade on her upper thigh, now by this blonde woman in her hands.

Heady. Lena squeezed her fingers around Kara's face as her breathing quickened.

Intoxicating. Lena pulled her towards her, kissing her fervently.

Kara felt herself being pulled forward, but before she had time to understand what was happening, Lena had put her lips on hers. In fact, she hadn't put them on her lips, she had crashed them into hers. 

There was nothing soft or affectionate about that kiss. It was brutal and painful at the same time.

Lena held Kara's face firmly, changing the angle of their kiss, adding more passion and fervor, wanting her near and far at the same time. 

Kara gently placed her hands on Lena, contrasting with Lena's eagerness. Lena barely gave them a chance to breathe, and Kara didn't try to restrain her. She was too afraid of what Lena would be like when the kissing stopped. 

If it was the only way to have her close, Kara would not resist, would submit even if deep down she knew it was all wrong. Lena's reaction was excessive, contradictory to her words and feelings, incomprehensible. But then again, Kara couldn't help it, she thought she had lost her, had failed to mourn her, to believe she was dead. 

Lena wasn't well and it was obvious, but she was alive. Nothing else mattered at the moment.

Lena forced her tongue into Kara's mouth and Kara tried to return the same passion, to follow her in that almost primal kiss. But Lena was impossible to catch up with, was going faster and faster, raising the level of their kiss. 

Lena lowered her arms along Kara's body, pulled her towards her. Her hands went up and down along her back, from her neck to her ass. Her fingernails were digging through her clothes.

Her lips finally freed Kara's, only to continue on the side of her face, to go and bite her neck just below the ear.

Kara winced as the bite became a little too intense. She ran her fingers through Lena's hair, pulled her head back to look into her eyes.

The green of her irises was a thin circle around huge black pupils.

For a moment, Kara didn't recognize her, didn't see Lena in that look full of longing for her and the desire to hurt at the same time. 

Lena was breathing noisily, she too had almost stopped breathing during this suffocating kiss. She held Kara's gaze. A worried and sad blue, almost pathetic according to her.

Looking at her like that gave her the same feeling as when she let the blade run blood down her thigh. A craving beyond reason, painful and addictive. 

"Follow me."

Kara simply nodded her head as Lena took her arm and not her hand. She took her up the old wooden stairs to the second floor. Every step creaked as they passed. Lena led her to her room, didn't turn on the light. 

Outside a crescent moon projected a very faint light, making the room barely perceptible. 

Lena walked backwards while staring at Kara. She took off her wool sweater and threw it to the back of the room.

"Take off your clothes," she said quietly but firmly.

Kara's vision was just beginning to take shape in the dark, to discern the wrought iron bed, the sloping ceiling, the large mirror on the dresser. She swallowed with difficulty and did as she was told.

With each piece she took out, a little voice in her head begged her to stop, to no longer follow Lena where she was leading her. To do the right thing.

But what was really the right thing to do? Letting Lena undress alone and do nothing? Just slowing down and trying to bring some sweetness to what was far from being a romantic moment? Or ask Lena to talk instead?

No, all options doomed to confrontation, to Lena closing up, running away. To continue was not the right decision, it was like diving deeper into a lie when you feel you are about to be discovered. It's reacting out of panic, out of fear of the unknown. It's lying rather than telling the truth. But it's also about keeping Lena close to her rather than letting her walk away again, losing her, maybe for good, maybe forever.

With her clothes on the ground, Kara took the few steps separating her from Lena. Lena kissed her again, biting her lower lip languorously as her hands pressed against her lower back and her breasts.

Kara gently caressed her back, kissing her in return, restraining herself from crying because it wasn't them, all this was so far from their last moment at the castle.

Lena had been sweet yet full of desire for her. She had taken her time, knowing that Kara had never been in bed with a woman before. She had given her pleasure like no one had ever given her before. But much of that pleasure had come from the intimacy, the closeness created earlier in the piano song, their song. 

Here and now, there was no closeness, except the physical one. It was like being both close and yet again on different continents. 

Lena had Kara lie down on the bed, her body hovering over her. Her long black hair, pulled to one side, fell on Kara's shoulder. Kara caressed her face, still looking for her in that green look out of reach. 

Lena let the weight of her body rest on Kara's. She stuck her tongue to her lips as she rubbed her centre on Kara's thigh. She grabbed her neck, pulled Kara's face towards her. They had looked into each other's eyes enough. What was the point of letting Kara waste her time looking for something that was no longer there, something that died in that tank.

Lena continued like this, adding more pressure with her own thigh between Kara's. The metal bed creaked, bumping into the back wall of the room.

Kara could feel the pressure building up inside her, but had difficulty letting go. Her head was elsewhere, spinning at full speed. She didn't know what to do, to be as direct and abrupt as Lena? To let her lead without saying anything? Or even stop completely.

Their kiss was interrupted and Lena let herself roll to the side, dragged Kara with her to change their position, placing Kara on top. It was now Kara's curly hair that fell between them. 

Kara raised her hand to caress her cheek but Lena grabbed her wrist. She held it still for a second as she stared at Kara. Hesitant.

Lena gritted her teeth, closed her eyes hard, couldn't bear to look at her anymore. She guided Kara's wrist between her legs, where she wanted it, inside her. Kara pressed her hand between Lena's legs, inserted one finger first, finding a lack of wetness.

Nevertheless, Lena pulled her towards her, burying her face in her hair and whispering in her ear. 

"Three," she said as she began to undulate her hips to the rhythm that Kara was creating.

Kara went to question her, but changed her mind and did what she wanted her to do. She inserted the other two fingers carefully, not wanting to hurt her. 

Lena moaned in the hollow of Kara's neck, squeezed her nails in her back. 

Kara could feel her contracting on her, enjoying it even though the sensation must have been brutal. 

"Faster," said Lena as her breathing quickened. 

The bed began to creak even more, the blows on the wall became closer together. 

Kara tried to kiss her but Lena turned her face away. She raised one of the hands she had behind Kara's back, grabbed her blonde hair, forcing her to keep her face away from hers. 

Lena felt the pleasure forming inside her, mixed with the painful and intoxicating friction of having Kara's three fingers inside her. She opened her eyes again, felt the scent of her blonde hair, of the skin on her neck.

Lena felt something else rise up inside her, catching up and surpassing the pleasure almost to its paroxysm. 

Kara felt that Lena was almost there, decided to take out her fingers to go up to her clit. As soon as she touched it, Lena bent over with pleasure, uttered a small muffled cry. Kara smiled faintly, appreciating that she could bring her this feeling, even under such circumstances. 

Lena felt the pressure that Kara was putting on her, felt it coming from her clit and spreading through her like a wave. She let go, contracted as her orgasm traveled all over her.

As she curled into Kara's arms, another wave overwhelmed her. Not a wave of pleasure, a wave like there was at the bottom of the cliff near the castle. Powerful, treacherous, murderous. 

Lena came while running out of air, while reliving the unique sensation of the water filling her lungs. The memory drowned her again. The icy water made her shiver in Kara's arms.

"Stop," she said, snapping her teeth.

Kara raised her head to look at her, her hand still between Lena's legs.

"STOP!" Lena said again, pulling her hand out vigorously.

Kara let herself fall to the side while Lena sat upright. She took her head in her hands, brought her knees back to her and began to rock back and forth.

"Get out." she whispered.

Kara sat up, unsure of what she'd just heard, what she'd just experienced.

"Lena...wait, what?"

Kara reached out her hand to touch her, but as soon as she grazed her, Lena jerked away.

"I said get out." Lena said more firmly.

Kara brought her hand back to her. "Why?" she asked, confused.

Lena jumped up, used one of the sheets to cover herself, couldn't stand being exposed and naked in front of her. "Get out of my bed, get out of my house, get out of my head!"

She pronounced her words in a jerky manner, punctuating with great movements of her arms.

Kara took another of the sheets and wrapped it around her as she also got out of bed. She stared at her from top to bottom, trying to understand. She couldn't.

"I can't," she could only say.

Lena's fingers wiggled in the air and she began to breathe quickly.

"GET OUT!" she shouted as she saw Kara still in the room.

Lena felt the sharp pain of the water around her, promising her certain death. She began to hyperventilate.

Kara hurried around the bed to join her, but Lena pushed her away with all the strength she had left in her sinking state. Kara bumped against the dresser and her mirror on the wall with a thud.

"This is what you always do, this is what I let you do to me," Lena said, leaning forward, gasping for air.

Kara wanted to answer something, but it was as if Lena was talking to herself as much as to Kara. So she didn't say anything.

“I’ve tried to learn from my mistakes, to protect myself and you… you always find your way in, even if I say no, even if I say I don’t want to.”

Lena leaned on her knees, head down, her hair covered the sides of her face. Kara felt her heart squeeze. Lena wasn't wrong.

“You’ve tried to convince me that you were better that all the others that have hurt me, that you’ll protect me, that you understand.”

Lena's breathing was now labored and wheezy. Kara was suffering just seeing her like this, sinking into another of her panic attacks. 

"But you don't!" Lena said as she straightened up, staring at Kara.

Her last words had been sharp and almost inaudible, her throat closing for good.

Kara couldn't stay still any longer, so she went to join her. Lena fought against Kara's arms, but she couldn't resist for very long.

She would have liked to shout at her to leave her alone, here in the dark, but she couldn't make a sound.

"Please Lena, let me." Kara said as she tried to thwart Lena's arms holding her at a distance.

"I beg you..." Kara said, crying for fear of losing her like that.

Lena's knees gave way and she dropped to the ground. Kara caught up with her but could only slump to the wooden floor with her. 

Kara pulled her against her, wrapped her in her arms as she had done during the night in the castle. She placed one hand on her forehead and another on her belly.

"We've already done this, you and I, we'll be fine, okay?"

Kara's voice trembled as she tried to hide her growing fear. This had nothing to do with the last time, it was much worse. 

Lena could feel tears of panic streaming down her cheeks, her hands finding Kara's legs and her fingers closing in on the sheet covering them.

"It's gonna be okay, just follow my breath."

But Lena couldn't do it, she could only squeeze herself between Kara's arms. Before she could try to focus on her air, she had to calm down first, let the fear go.

Kara pressed her cheek to the top of Lena's head when she didn't know what to do, how to help her. She closed her eyes and without thinking, the words came out.

_"And I don't want the world to see me."_

Lena recognized the song immediately.

_"Cause I don't think that they'd understand"_

Kara's voice was both melodious and broken. Lena could hear the tears in her voice.

_“When everything's made to be broken”_

Lena's fingers loosened and without her noticing, they played the score from memory. She felt Kara's body on her back, her breathing lifting her up and bringing her down.

_"I just want you to know who I am."_

Kara sighed, pressing her cheek even more on Lena's head, praying in her head that she would calm down and be able to breathe again.

_"When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."_

Lena felt the air find a tiny path to her lungs. Kara kept repeating this last part of the song until she felt Lena breathe deeply again, and then let the silence settle around them. 

They sat there for a long time, in each other's arms, crying without looking at each other, just listening to the sound of their breathing, the echo of their song still in their heads.

Lena finally straightened up and climbed onto the bed. She curled up on herself as she had earlier. Kara also got up, went to join her. She put her hand on her shoulder, wanting to regain the closeness she had had during the panic attack.

Lena tilted her head to the side, leaning her cheek against Kara's hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and enjoyed her softness, her presence. Then she raised her head, took Kara's hand in hers and turned to face her.

It was time.

"I am a smart woman, Kara."

Kara smiled sweetly at her. Intelligent was not enough to describe her, she thought. She was much more than that.

Lena took a breath, as if to give herself the courage to say the words that weighed so heavily on her heart.

"I understand why you chose Alex. What binds you together as sisters, even without your blood being related, is something precious. So yes, I understand the choice you made."

Lena put her other hand on Kara's hand and stroked it with the tip of her thumb.

"But understanding doesn't make it hurt any less."

Lena looked down and Kara felt like she was behind the bulletproof glass again.

"You didn't choose me, Kara. I wasn't your first choice, and I never will be."

Lena tilted her head back slightly, wiped her wet face. Kara would have liked to answer, but couldn't. Because it was time for Lena to talk, and her to listen.

"The two of you meant so much to me."

Lena found the courage to look Kara in the eye again.

"As Supergirl, you were everything I ever wanted to be, a force for good. Helping the world, but my name has always preceded me, always made it especially difficult, sometimes impossible. Supergirl saved my life so many times, at times when there was no one to care for me."

Kara simply nodded her head, how to respond to that?

"From the moment I arrived in National City, in that helicopter, at that press conference... And then on so many other occasions, the plane that Edge rigged and..." Lena remembered so many moments that it would take too long to list them all.

Another nod and she swallowed with difficulty.

"And then as Kara." 

Lena laughed falsely as she ran her hand through her hair.

"Kara was there when I no longer believed in kindness and friendship, as I fortified my high walls in this new city, at the head of the company that had just changed its name. But we're not changing, are we? We can change the name in front of a building, change the town, leave everything and start again. But we always find our way back to the same mistakes. And you, Kara, have been that path, without me even realizing it."

Lena took Kara's hands in hers and squeezed them to show her how she felt about telling her all this.

"I quickly loved you more than just a friend, for you were everything in my life that I never had, everything the Luthors couldn't give me. A family. I loved you for all the loyalty you had for me in spite of my name. For your presence and your words, your trust and your sincerity...yes, your sincerity."

Her sincerity. This choice of words affected Kara deeply, made her realize not only how she had fooled Lena, but also all the hypocrisy she had to not recognize most of her mistakes towards her.

"I loved these two people that you were, and to learn that they were one almost destroyed me. Because you mattered so much, because you had the ability to hurt me. And then six months ago, after all we'd been through, after finally finding each other for real, with no secrets."

Lena took a breath, seeing herself in bed in the castle, after a panic attack, just like now. 

"Once again, you convinced me to open up to you, to reveal what was in my little boxes, to make you the one and only person who mattered enough for me to finally be able to tell. You let me make you that person, Kara."

Kara took a jerky breath as she did everything in her power not to cry. For she seemed to have been doing just that for months and since she had entered this hidden cottage at the end of a path covered with climbing vegetation.

"And that's when understanding your decision to choose Alex hurt. Because for me, you had become my first choice, my one and only choice. And...I died realizing that I will never be yours, Kara."

Kara burst into tears, couldn't keep control anymore.

"I'm so sorry Lena," she could only say.

Lena frowned but didn't cry, it was as if she realised she had no more tears to give her. It was over.

"I know, I know, Kara. But you'll understand that I can't have you in my life anymore. There's a part of me that feels a need to have you by my side, but it's the same part that gave me these scars, a part that doesn't want me to be well."

Lena stroked her upper thigh for a short while. Heady and intoxicating. She looked up at Kara, caressed her wet cheek, held up her desperate gaze.

"Let me let you go this time."

Kara stared at her longingly and resigned herself to finally doing the right thing. She nodded her head.

"I still have some work to do in Ireland for a while, but soon I'll be leaving and I won't..."

Kara hesitated as she realized what she was about to say, what it meant.

"And I won't be coming back." 

Lena smiled at her and approached her, kissed her tenderly. Each one closed their eyes, as if to freeze this moment in time, so that it lasts and never ends, because with its end would also be theirs.

"Thank you," said Lena, only after she had put an end to that kiss. And all that it symbolized.

* * *

When Kara finally got to her room, she found embers in the hearth. The owner had made a fire to keep the room warm at night. She came closer, took the poker and stirred the black and glowing wood. Kara added a log and in no time the fire came back, casting an orange light on the walls. 

Kara fell on the chair in front of the small desk in front of the window. It overlooked the center of the village, deeply asleep at this hour. She did what she knew best lately, took out a sheet of paper and a pen.

She wrote a letter to Lena, short, because there wasn't much left to say after tonight. When she had finished, she folded it up and got up, went to the fire.

Kara kissed the letter and dropped it into the flames, so she would truly find her way to the castle, to the ashes.

_Lena,_

_I'm writing you these words that you'll never read. These words that you know too well already, that you knew long before me. Unfortunately._

_You loved me too soon._

_And I loved you too late._

_Kara_

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual thank you for my beta which continues to edit my chapters.

* * *

This has been Lena’s theme for me while writing about her (if anyone is interested)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz5Axc6cOaI ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz5Axc6cOaI)

For the last goodbye

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaLQ1zGMhe8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaLQ1zGMhe8)

* * *

6 months earlier

Lena arched violently as she threw up all the water she had ingested back into the reservoir. She coughed again and again, until there was nothing left to expel, until all that was left was the pain in her irritated throat. She breathed loudly and with difficulty, realizing that her legs and arms were strapped.

In her soaked clothes, her hair still dripping, Lena was on a stretcher, tied up. 

"Welcome back to the living, little sister." 

Lena followed her brother's voice, saw him take a step out of the shadows where he was hidden. She fought but nothing could be done, the straps were strong. She felt her heart accelerate. This was all too familiar to her. How many times had he experimented on her by force? She couldn't say, but it was a long time ago. Yet there she was, as if she was still that helpless teenager.

Lena gritted her teeth and looked away from him, staring at the ceiling. "I hate you so much."

Lex rubbed his lips with his fingertips as he smiled, enjoying seeing her restrained like that.

"If only you really meant what you said... But you and I both know it's as untrue as it is true. Isn't it, Lena?"

Lena closed her eyes even more, as if to try not to hear him anymore. She remembered what she had told Kara that night in the castle. How she had loved him as much as she had hated him. Had needed him as much as she'd wanted him to stop suffocating her.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

Lena felt crushed all of a sudden. 

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY!" Lex screamed, now leaning an inch away from her face. He had jumped on the stretcher, placed himself above her, his arms on either side of Lena's shoulders.

Lena could feel his breath on her face. For a moment she found herself back in that prison again after he had shouted at her in the same way. His words, screamed and penetrating, freezing her again and always on the spot. 

Lena had found the courage to empty her little boxes in the presence of Kara. But no one knew how to refill them better than Lex. 

Lex sat up straight, sitting on top of her. With one of his hands, he took the bottom of his sister's face. "Look at me when I'm talking to you," he commanded.

He tilted Lena's face to the left, then to the right, examining her closely as she finally opened her eyelids.

"You disgust me so much," he said in between his teeth. "Your childish attempts to distract yourself from what a real Luthor is, to do good, was embarrassing enough, but this... Sleeping with a Kryptonian."

Lex stared at her as he seemed genuinely on the verge of vomiting simply by imagining the scene. Imagining his sister with Kara.

"I've never been so ashamed of you and we both know how often you've been a source of disappointment." 

Lex would look her straight in the eyes, scanning for even the slightest reaction, waiting to see his sister flinch and suffer openly in front of him. But instead, Lena just stared back at him, without any emotion on her face.

"You didn't answer my question," Lena asked slowly.

Lex laughed, released her face and clapped his hands to congratulate her, as if it was funny.

"You're right, congratulations Lena. Why, you ask? Because I wanted to have fun with dear Kara. Because I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. Because you needed to see your little romance fail with your own eyes."

Lena immediately recognized her brother's last words. He had also used them at that moment in prison. He too, remembered this moment very well, seemed to want to take them both back there. She recalled what she had said to him before she left. It was as true today as it was then.

"You're a..." she began.

"A monster? And let me guess, that doesn't mean you have to be one too?"

Lex wasn't smiling anymore. His gaze was serious, worse, it seemed threatening and lost. 

"Maybe I am a monster, but you... you're just a bitch I keep on a leash."

Lex grabbed her by the throat with one hand, squeezed his fingers lightly, and even though she wasn't fighting, just stared at him, not flinching, not showing she was afraid of him.

"I gave you the world, everything, remember? I gave you the longest leash you could possibly imagine. But no matter how well trained you were, no matter how well you showed that you were beautiful and smart enough to win every contest, you're still a stupid dog. Stupid enough to get to the end of your rope, to try to reach what I've always forbidden you to." 

Lex squeezed even harder, felt Lena's pulse on her carotid artery. "Do you know what happens to dogs that go too far with the end of their rope? They hang themselves."

He came closer, his black eyes still locked in that unfathomable green. He squeezed again, heard her breath become whistling, then silent. But the fear and panic he was trying so hard to inflict on her didn't come. Lena's eyes looked at him, not to defy him, but to encourage him to do so. To press even harder, to choke her to death, to end it for real this time.

Lex let her go when he realized what she was doing, doing to him. He straightened up, wanting to put some distance between their faces. Memories came flooding back. A starry night by the fountain where he traced the W that Cassiopeia represented. 

Lex got off the stretcher and rubbed his face, seeing himself as a teenager in the hallway late at night, waiting for the boogeyman to leave their mansion wing. He felt his fists clenched so hard again that his fingernails were cutting into his palms. 

Lex slapped himself back in the moment, saw Lena still staring at him, knew he'd been absent in his mind for a moment. That he'd been weak. He slapped himself one more time, knowing that even now, a small part of him still wanted to do Lena some good. A very small part of him, hidden far away, deep, under thick layers of disdain and hatred. 

He couldn't do what she herself had done to him. He couldn't kill her, at least, not by himself. Giving the order was one thing, doing it was another.

Lex sighed, seeing himself hanging the teddy bear and then gutting it. He returned to the stretcher and undid the straps one by one, without saying a word, without looking at her.

Lena straightened up, massaged her red wrists. She saw him return to the darkened portion of the room from which he had come earlier. He returned with a wooden briefcase that he placed on the stretcher in front of her. 

Lex climbed up and sat down before her, opened the box which turned into a chessboard. He began to place the blacks and she placed the whites. Without any questions.

"Here we are, Lena." he said when all the pieces were in place.

They looked each other straight in the eye again.

"You and I."

Lex smiled in a corner as he saw her again, at the age of four, already learning to play so fast. Lena had never been a disappointment or a shame. On the contrary. She had always been a threat. He'd known that from the first few weeks. And she would only grow and get better, eventually catch up with him, surpass him. Unless he could stop her. Unless he could convince her that she wasn't good enough, unless he could get her to wear an invisible leash, a mind leash. Where he would keep her captive, under control, behind him, never ahead.

But there was no fear in Lena's eyes today, his words no longer had the impact of the past. She had changed.

So it was finally time to find out.

"This is how we both started. This is how we will end."

He reached out his hand to her pieces.

"Whites first."

Lena grabbed a pawn and held it up in the air for a brief moment. A lot would be at stake now. 

Everything.

* * *

Present day

Lena had watched Kara walk away into the night. 

After that, she had taken a bath to try to wash what had just happened, to let go with the water in the drain, all the contradicting emotions she felt towards Kara.

Back at the edge of her window, her hair dripping down her bathrobe, she stared at the night sky. With one hand, she rubbed the back of her head where her latest scar was still itching. With her other hand, she drew a W where in the distance the stars lined up to form Cassiopeia.

Lena couldn't sleep that night. 

She went downstairs to the piano, played without worrying about time passing. She played with passion, filling the little house with a nameless melody, an inspiration from the moment, tangled between past and present. As if they were intertwined as one. 

"Let me let you go," she murmured, remembering Kara's crying face when she told her that.

It was the right decision, she knew, had finally managed to think of herself, to respect herself enough to make the right choice. 

But Lena could still hear Kara's hoarse voice in her head, singing as she held her in her arms, both on the ground.

Lena got up from the piano, the urge to play was gone. She went outside, crossed the garden and opened the fence gate. She took a look at her mailbox with the initials K.M.

Kieran Mullian. This was the new name under which she had hid, had her papers redone for a fee. Her middle name as well as her mother's surname. Here in Ireland, it made perfect sense. Lena Luthor was no more, had been buried with the other Luthors.

Lena took to the road in her little Riley Elf, drove all the way to O'Flattery, at least what was left of it. 

She parked in a rumbling gravel road, got out near the gate and walked to the overflowing mailbox. Lena stared at the envelopes from National City. She hadn't opened them, hadn't dared, hadn't had the courage. She had left them all there. All but one, the first one.

* * *

6 months earlier

Lena had washed up on the coast of Ireland, not knowing how she got there. She had been sitting on the sand, staring at the void for hours as the tide carried her capsule away. She took in the water and sank, taking with her the only evidence that there had been one more survivor.

Lena had stayed there all night, staring at the waves coming and going, but the truth was that she couldn't see them, she saw something else entirely. She was still there, in that tank, like all the little caged animals she had tried to save when she was just a child.

She was in that icy water, seeing Kara again with her hand pressed against the glass, she felt the water filling her lungs, that horrible feeling of running out of air, the survival instinct that was unleashed as long as possible. But to no avail.

Lena had watched the waves, and the images of what had happened in the station had looped in her head. On that beach, she had died again dozens of times. Hadn't been chosen by Kara dozens of times.

She had finally returned to her castle, locked all the doors and closed all the curtains. Darkness had set in, had been her only companion during the days she hadn't bothered to count.

Lena had been near the grand piano but had not been able to play it. She had only taken Iris's score and carried it with her wherever she went. She had drunk tea rather than eaten, sat in the dark, clutching the music sheets against her, crying silently.

The dark circles had deepened under her eyes, her face had thinned. Her days had passed in silence and solitude. But her nights, on the other hand, were constantly tormented. In her sleep, she begged in tears to be chosen first, not to be left alone, to be saved from this certain death. 

She always woke up the same way. In panic, coughing to expel water that wasn't real. The feeling of drowning never left her. There were always those few seconds when she would forget where she was and what had happened. But reality only took advantage of this temporary amnesia to catch up with her later. 

Then Lena would put her hand under her pillow, take out Iris's score and hold it close to her, let herself fall on her side, close her eyes and cry when she heard Kara's sweet voice singing for her alone.

And so, every night she would go back to sleep, tucked in with her good and bad memories. A past written in ink that had long since dried. A past that she could no longer change, that she could only painfully remember.

On a cloudy morning, Lena decided it was time to reopen the curtains on the world, to give the light a chance to enter again, to find her, the last Luthor. As she finished her tour of the upstairs windows, she saw the postman on his bicycle, riding away from the gate guarding the castle.

Lena used this as an excuse to finally step outside.

Standing by the mailbox, shivering in her thick wool sweater, Lena's hands trembled as she held the white envelope in her hands.

Tears ran down her cheeks without her even feeling them coming. Because the letter came from Kara. How did she know she was here?

Lena began to breathe faster and faster. 

She ran her hand across her forehead and then through her hair. Even when she was outside, she was running out of air, wanted to go where the wind would be even stronger. Lena walked down the narrow stone staircase along the cliff, down to the beach.

There, her hair lifted in the strong sea wind, whipped her face, and she breathed a little easier. Her hands still trembling, she dared to open the envelope and unfold the letter it contained.

_Dear Lena,_

_You once asked me if I knew what quantum entanglement meant._

_From what I understand, it's the principle describing the unique bond that binds two particles together. An invisible but present link, so powerful that what happens to one affects the other equally. These particles cannot be described distinctively, separately. They are two and one at the same time, even if they are separated, at a distance from each other._

_It could be the scientific way to describe what I'm feeling right now, me, the lone particle. A feeling of emptiness. To be dead inside, as my missing half has passed._

_I know now, because what I'm feeling can't just be grief. It hurts too much to be just that._

_I miss you more than I can bear. And I know I have to let you go, but I can’t. For you and me are two and one at the same time, even if we are separated, at a distance from each other._

_Even after death._

  
  


_Kara_

  
  


The note was handwritten in black ink. In places, the letters were almost illegible, the paper was wavy. Kara had cried as she wrote her words.

Lena held the letter close to her with her eyes closed. She could hear Kara's voice in her head, as if she had read the contents of her note aloud to her. She could hear the tremolo and grief in every sentence.

Then other voices came into her head.

“Your life is your life, know it while you have it” said Lillian slowly.

"You deserved so much better, I'm so sorry." Kara whispered. 

"You know what happens to dogs that go too far with the end of their rope?” said Lex in his cruel, contemptuous voice.

Without realizing it, Lena had started scratching herself hard with her fingernails on her upper thigh. Even through her clothes, she had irritated her skin on her scars, even to the point of blood.

"They hang themselves," she replied to her brother as she opened her eyes.

She crumpled the letter in her hand and screamed at the top of her lungs in the direction of the waves. With all her might, she threw Kara's words into the ocean. 

The letter landed on the surface and in a few moments was brought back to the shore at Lena's feet. Unreadable, soaked, but still there.

* * *

Present day

Still in front of her overflowing mailbox, Lena looked at all the other letters from Kara, all the ones she hadn't opened. She didn't dare after the first one, it was too painful. 

Inside, she had made a promise to herself, not to hang herself from the end of her rope, had done her best to keep it. Until yesterday.

Lena passed the iron gate and walked through the ashen ruins. She thought about Kara's presence in Ireland and the irony of it all. Until now, she'd done well here alone. At least, once O'Flattery burned down. 

It was as if life was taking its toll on her, ripping her stitches out before her time, didn't want her to heal. Kara's presence was going to test her brutally, and already yesterday she had totally failed to keep her distance, to protect herself from her.

Lena stirred ashes from the tip of her shoe, and saw herself light the match that was about to set the castle ablaze. One night, she had had a nightmare from a very long time ago, she had dreamed about the boogeyman. When she woke up, she hadn't given life a chance to precede her, to tear out her stitches. Because she had no more stitches for this wound, she was too old for that, it wouldn't have been enough. Instead, Lena had decided to cauterize the wound. With fire. To close it up forever.

Lena came out of the ruins, went to the edge of the cliff, noticed footprints on the earth near the stone. More than footsteps, in fact, it was as if someone had been lying here, worse, had slipped into the void. 

She approached the ledge and got down on her knees. Further down, on the rock face, she saw a piece of cloth. Waving in the breeze, it seemed to call out to her, asking her to come and get it.

Lena rolled up her sleeves and lay down on her stomach, stretched out her arm where Narwak's bite still wasn't disappearing. She reached out her hand, but the piece of cloth was too low. 

She moved even closer to the edge, letting her upper body go over the cliff edge further. Her hand stretched out into the void, she was almost there, feeling her fingertips touching the cloth. 

Lena extended her arm even more and the wounded skin of the creature's bite scratched itself on a rock protruding from the wall. A rock on which Kara had cut her hand a few hours earlier, where her dried blood was still present. 

As soon as contact was made, Lena felt an excruciating fear of death, felt her feet in the void.

She pulled herself up on the edge of the cliff as her heart struggled in her chest. Lena let herself tip backwards, lay on the ground on her back. The bite on her arm became terribly painful and she refrained from screaming.

"What the hell is that?" she said, clutching her arm.

* * *

Kara parked the tiny car she had finally been able to rent in the village. Old, noisy, of a damaged forest green, and of course, very small. When she had seen it, she couldn't help but remember the one she and Lena had taken to go to the café. 

She looked at her watch, right on time. 

Kara entered the police station and went to the front desk. "Kara Danvers, I have an appointment with..." she began.

"So you're the American." said a deep voice behind her.

Kara turned around, saw a man in his sixties, his face already well marked by this difficult job, a piercing look, far from welcoming.

She walked to meet him and offered him her hand. The man looked at her for a moment, as if he didn't yet know if he was going to return the courtesy.

"Detective Sean Walsh," he finally said, agreeing to shake her hand in return. "Just so you know, I hate reporters."

He released Kara's hand, looked her right in the eye. 

"So it's a good thing I'm not one anymore," she said, smiling politely. 

The detective smiled slightly and finally nodded his head. He turned, unlocking a glass door behind them and invited Kara to follow him. They wandered between the cubicles of uniformed police officers, and went to the far end of the room to Sean's office. 

"Sit down, Miss Danvers." he said, closing the door of his office and pointing to one of the two chairs in front of his desk covered with files.

He went to sit down and looked at Kara, he hadn't noticed her at the reception desk but now it was impossible not to see her drawn features, the dark circles and especially her look. There was something extinct in her blue eyes. Something dead.

Sean looked away from the woman, staring almost destabilizingly at him. He opened one of the filing cabinets behind him and pulled out a file, which he then placed in front of her.

"Young Mika Mihe, Mighe, Mi something I've never been able to pronounce properly."

"Minhegtzyg" completed Kara without even hesitating, without even making a mistake.

The detective smiled at her falsely. "That's it." He opened the file and Kara saw a picture of the young woman and the reports and other notes.

"Is this all you have on her disappearance?" she asked, tilting her head slightly to the side, noticing that the file wasn't thick.

The man closed the document and grabbed the handset from his telephone. "On her death, Miss Danvers, this young woman is not missing, she's dead, she's... Yes Patrick, come to my office please, I have a file to be copied, thank you."

Sean had barely hung up when the door to his office opened after three short knocks.

"Sir?" asked the young officer.

The inspector pointed the file in front of Kara, and in an instant the young man was gone again.

"What was I saying?"

"A death, not a disappearance." Kara said slowly, trying to hide her exasperation with the obvious sloppy job as best she could.

Sean snapped his fingers at her. "That's right," he said. The poor little girl didn't make it, a tragic end if you ask me, especially since she was just visiting."

He shook his head, looking sorry. And Kara found him almost convincing. Almost. 

Kara gritted her teeth at him, unable to hide the contempt she felt for him. She had spent last night crying in Lena's sweater, knowing that she was no longer allowed to be a part of her life, that even though she had just learned that she wasn't dead anymore, she would still have to pretend she was. 

No, Kara didn't have an ounce of energy to devote to moderating what she was or wasn't letting show on her face. 

"Patrick should be back soon. You'll have your own copy," he said to fill the uneasy silence accompanying Kara's menacing look on her face.

This blonde woman was beginning to seriously freeze his blood and he was eager for his intern to give her what she needed and for her to finally leave as soon as possible.

Sean sighed with satisfaction when he heard the knock on the door again. Young Patrick approached the document and Kara intercepted it as she jumped up, still staring at the inspector. 

"It's okay Patrick, the copy's for her, you can go, that's all."

The young man turned around and Kara kept the door open, not wanting to waste any more time here. She was about to leave when Sean got up and reached out his hand to her.

It was Kara's turn to fix it, hesitating for a second to tighten it, to return the courtesy. Reluctantly, she squeezed it.

"Oh and Miss Danvers, don't think you're going to find anything we haven't already considered. This girl is dead, there's no other explanation."

He wrapped his fingers around hers, trying unrestrainedly to intimidate her.

"And when you come to the same conclusion that we have, because inevitably that's what's going to happen, why don't you ask that poor girl's mother to stop calling us every week, we have better things to do," he concluded, finally releasing Kara's reddened hand. 

Kara would have given anything to have her powers back. She imagined herself lifting him up, holding him against the wall and making him regret that he put so little effort into finding Mika. 

But she didn't have that strength anymore, could only imagine it without doing anything. The feeling of helplessness and being nothing overwhelmed her again, she felt her chin tensing up. 

Before letting her face betray her even more, Kara gave the inspector a simple nod and rushed to the exit of the police station.

Sitting in her tiny car, she squeezed the steering wheel with all her might, closed her eyes and tried to collect herself. She tapped the steering wheel with her palms as she opened her eyes, fearing that if she kept them closed for too long, horrible memories would come back to her.

Kara hit the road, not wanting to linger here any longer. As she drove along a path near the coast, she opened the file on the passenger seat.

She alternates her gaze between the police report and the road, wanting to know the scene of her accident so that she can already get there. Kara stumbled upon a strange sentence and as she was finally about to decide to pull over to read carefully, a violent pain pierced her.

Mixed with the burning feeling, again the memory of being suspended in the void at the cliff. Emanating from the bite on her arm, the pain caused her to unconsciously hit the steering wheel.

Kara lost control of the tiny car and drove off the road.

* * *

"Hello Lena," said the florist waving at her.

Lena walked into the shop filled with flowers of all kinds and colours. It was beautiful. But she didn't come to buy them. Far from it. 

"Hello Liam," she said at last as her gaze fixed on the poppies as she rubbed her forearm.

The florist closed the door and turned the sign from "open" to "closed". When Lena came to visit, they were not to be disturbed. Not ever. 

"Does your arm hurt?" he asked as he made his way up the narrow back stairs.

The question took Lena out of her fixation on the red flowers, but she didn't answer, just took her hand off her forearm and pulled her sleeve down to cover her wound. 

The wooden steps creaked as Liam went upstairs and Lena followed him without a word. The windows at this level looked out over the fountain in the center of the village. The room was large and was used for storage. At least, that had been its function until recently.

"The woman you told me about is here," he said, sitting down.

"Kara, yes. I know," she replied, sitting in her usual chair in front of him.

He hadn't spoken of Kara as a question, suspecting that she was aware of it, wanted instead to observe her reaction. But Lena hadn't flinched, her gaze seemed preoccupied. She seemed elsewhere, in her head. At least more than usual.

Because Lena had been coming here once or twice a week for months. But she had never crossed the threshold of his door with the intention of buying him a single flower. No, she didn't care.

She came here for the calm upstairs, Liam's soothing presence. The old man, now a florist, had in another life been a renowned psychologist in Dublin. But that was many years ago. One day he'd had enough, had too much, left everything behind and came here. He never looked over his shoulder, never regretted his decision.

"Her presence here is going to change things," he said looking out the window.

"She's just visiting," sighed Lena, rubbing her forehead.

Liam looked back to the woman sitting across the table in front of him. "Let me doubt it."

A smile tugged at the corner of Lena's lips.

"Then doubt."

"Tell me, how does it feel to know she's here?"

"That's not why I'm coming to see you, Liam."

The old man put his hand over his mouth. "I know, forgive me, an old habit."

The florist watched her place the chess board between them.

"That's not what you need right now, I understand and respect that."

"Thank you," she said almost half-word as she delicately placed each of the pieces.

Liam and Lena had played countless games of chess together here in this room that was never meant for this function. They could have met in the pub, in a park, or even on one of the terraces at the dock to indulge in such a hobby. 

No. Lena had asked him to play here, and he didn't protest. Because from the first game he'd played against her, he'd understood immediately. He'd understood that it wasn't just a game, let alone a banal pastime they could do anywhere. Nor could she do it with just anyone. 

For while this place provided them with a safe haven, he, the florist, had never been her first choice simply because he was a good listener and a skilled advisor. No. It was because he was more than excellent at chess. In his early days, in the boys' college where he had gone to boarding school, he even won competitions. 

"Whites first," he said, seeing as she had finished preparing the game. 

In fact, he was saying this more out of habit because in this case it was difficult to say who should play first. 

For months, Lena had been coming here to prepare the chess game for them. But she never placed all the pieces on each side to start a new game. No. Lena would place the black and white pieces from memory, just like the last game she played against Lex. A game already started that Liam was just finishing. Always in a different way, never seeming to be the way Lena wanted it.

Lena moved her rook three squares to the right.

For a second, the florist was tempted to ask her the famous question: Why? This simple word had been burning on his lips for quite a while, but he kept it firmly inside himself. 

It wasn't what she needed.

So he played the same game again, the same game he'd been playing for months. Soon, however, he could feel it, Lena would be ready to talk. But not today. 

Answers would come by themselves, one chess game at a time.

* * *

Lena walked down the salt-worn wooden steps at the very end of the dock. She went to the pebble beach, walked for a while. 

The wind lifted her black streaks as she watched the waves dissipate into white foam on the rocks with different shades of grey and brown.

After the games with Liam, she would come here and then go to the market. This routine was nothing extraordinary, but Lena had learned over the past few months that peace of mind and quiet resides in the little things of everyday life. In the repetition that didn't bring any unpleasant surprises.

Far enough away from the boats and the villagers shopping, Lena stopped walking. She stared at the blue vastness. The ocean had that calming effect. In front of such a view, in front of so much space, the mind empties and stops spinning. Here, memories did not come as a surprise, they only came if she invited them, if she had decided so.

Here, after the chess games, Lena had very often thought of her brother but also of another person who had played an important role in everything that had happened.

The one she had been asked to call mother. Lillian.

Lena closed her eyes and breathed in the cold air, letting one of her memories come to the surface.

* * *

6 months earlier

Lillian and Lena arrived in the control-room. As Lena closed the hatch door, Lillian hurried towards the command boards.

On the screens representing the station, warning messages were flashing red all over the place. Lillian's fingers rapidly typed a series of commands. 

On the other side of the room, leaning against the wall near the door, Lena wondered if she should take advantage of her inattention to flee. She watched as Lillian tried to regain control of the situation, in vain.

"You let Lex kill me."

Lillian sighed again, harder this time. But didn't answer.

"It's what you've always done, isn't it? Letting them have their way. Lex and... and father."

"Don't say that."

"Why, isn't it true?"

"Nothing's all black and white, Lena," Lillian said, finally deigning to turn around.

Lena took a step forward.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't know."

Lillian stared into her big green eyes, swallowed with difficulty.

"Not at first, no."

Lena frowned, realizing that her mother had at some point known about it. But she hadn't interfered. How would her life have been different if Lillian had really been a mother to her?

"You knew." Lena whispered, looking away, one horrible memory coming back to her one by one. 

She stepped back, walked to the door.

"Wait, Lena." 

Lillian raised her hand in the air, but she was too far away to reach her.

"I'll never dare to ask your forgiveness, Lena, because it wouldn't be fair of me anyway, but also because I know you wouldn't offer it to me. I can still give you some explanations though."

"Your explanations won't change what happened," said Lena, pressing her forehead against the cold metal of the door.

"Please, Lena."

Lena remained silent. Under the circumstances, Lillian interpreted this as an invitation to continue, or at least not an objection. She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. 

"As soon as Lex was born, I loved him with all my heart. This little creature so fragile and precious, my boy... For Lex was truly mine, my son. And to Lionel, he was his heir. At our level, in our world, in the circles we live in, love doesn't have the same meaning as name, prestige."

Lillian rubbed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts, to stay focused.

  
  


"Lex was my lifeline, a little boy to whom I could give everything and who would love me most and for whom I would be the most important person in the world. He came to make life in that mansion livable. Because Lionel has always been..."

She interrupted herself, closed her eyes tightly.

"He's always been the way he was, and living with him every day has the capacity to destroy you, like a slow agony. A golden cage, a prison for the mind and a torture for the heart."

Lena lifted her head slightly from the door, only to hit her forehead three times. She listened to Lillian and her words spoken in that voice, that voice that seemed sincere for the first time in her life. 

"But Lex has grown up, and though I loved him with all my heart, this world, his father, have managed to plant something inside him, some kind of..."

"Darkness," whispered Lena to complete her sentence.

Lillian nodded her head, looking at her from behind, head down, one hand on the door and one on the gear handle.

Lena's hand on the door turned into a fist and gave a violent blow that echoed throughout the room.

Lena clenched her teeth and threw another fist, then another. Realizing that Lex, too, long before her, had been molded by his father, had been forced into this darkness. Lena raged with rage as she realized how no one is born evil. You grow up to be bad. 

"Do you know what is the worst type of victim?" Lena asked as she finally turned to stare at her mother.

Lillian simply nodded her head.

"The one that makes others." 

"I did not say Lex was a..."

"No, but that's what you were implying. He's a monster, and so was Father, and you did nothing about it. NOTHING!"

"I know."

Lena walked several steps closer. "Why?" 

Lillian looked away.

"Why?" Lena asked again, getting even closer.

"Because I hated you, Lena." Lillian finally admitted, stepping back and turning her back on Lena, looking at the screens covered with red alarms.

Lena felt her throat twitch, her chin tensing and her eyes stinging.

Lillian passed her hand over her mouth and went back in time.

"You were imposed on me, Lena, I never wanted you, do you understand? No, I guess you don't. How could you? You don't know what it's like to have your husband's illegitimate child brought to you one day and told you she would become your daughter."

Lillian sighed.

"Can you imagine the humiliation I've suffered in the eyes of all of our most prestigious circles, how I've been perceived? You were living proof of Lionel's infidelities. I've been a laughingstock for so long. It was bad enough living among Lex and his father in our madhouse, but you added to the pain. No, it was too much."

Lillian turned to meet her daughter's tearful gaze.

"And you were just a child who wanted nothing more than to be loved, but I had no love to give, I had nothing left, Lena. I could barely keep myself from jumping off of the top of that mansion. So I didn't see, or at least I ignored what was going on under my own roof, behind closed doors. Because it was easier to pretend nothing was going on. To smile in public, to pretend that everything was fine, that the Luthor dynasty was and always would be strong and powerful."

She laughed falsely.

"But nothing was fine, we both know that. Lionel was a violent and cruel man, Lex became a sadistic megalomaniac, and I focused all my hatred on the aliens that came to pollute our land. I resented them so much that I wanted them all dead. I resented them for not seeing that it was my own family and myself that I resented the most."

Lillian had said her last sentence in a trembling voice, full of emotion. She had finally said those words out loud.

* * *

After leaving the pebble beach and doing some shopping at the small market along the port, Lena took the path up to the village centre. She had parked at Liam's house a few hours earlier.

In the distance, she saw him talking with the owner of the inn. As soon as Liam saw her, he motioned for her to join them, which she did.

"The car is a total loss," the innkeeper said as she approached them.

"The car? What car? What are you talking about?" she asked, frowning.

Liam raised his hand to her as if to urge her in advance to remain calm.

"Kara was in a serious car accident earlier today."

"What? But how do you know, did she..."

She didn't dare to finish her sentence, didn't want to imagine that the worst had happened. But the florist read her face, knew what she was thinking and gently put his hand on her forearm for a second. Just long enough to reassure her, too little to make her uncomfortable.

"She's only a tourist so the hospital wanted to contact someone who knows her here on the spot. And they found her reservation at the inn in her bag so they called me," the innkeeper said, shrugging his shoulders in disbelief, as if he had no idea what to do with the responsibility. 

He looked at his feet for a short moment, then looked up at Liam. The two men stared at each other silently for a short moment before turning, at the same time, towards Lena.

She looked at them in turn, then shook her head.

"No, it's not going to happen," she said.

* * *

Lena walked past the nurses' post, walking slowly, still barely realizing what she had said yes to in front of the inn. She passed her hand in her hair as the discussion of the two women on duty reached her.

"She's not from here," said one, pointing to the ground. "She's not from here, here, I mean from Earth."

"I know, I've read the results of her blood tests, what do you think we should do?"

"I don't want to go near her, let alone touch her even to change her bandages. The night shift will do what they want, I'm not in charge."

"You're right, we shouldn't treat this kind of person here."

Lena squeezed her hands in a fist, but didn't stop walking, continued without even looking at them. She walked to the room the innkeeper had told her to go to. To the right of the door, in a wall rack, she picked up Kara's file and went through it.

Indeed, she had been in a violent car accident. Loss of control, they said. She had been lucky, though. A mild concussion, several superficial wounds, and three cracked ribs. Putting the file back in its place, Lena suddenly realized, she was stupid not to have understood more quickly. Kara was injured. Kara was in the hospital. So she hadn't recovered for the last six months, had lost her powers.

Lena rubbed her forehead and breathed in slowly, took her courage in both hands and entered the room.

"Lena," said Kara as she struggled to sit up.

Lena went to the end of her bed, put her hands on the cold metal frame. She could have helped her, but she didn't.

"So much for staying out of my life," she said, trying to stay strong.

"I'm sorry, Lena, I didn't mention you as a contact, I swear."

Kara's voice was hoarse, showing the pain she was trying to hide, her fatigue, and most of all, her sadness to see Lena again.

Lena nodded her head, then went to sit on the visitor's chair by the bedside table.She sat down while unconsciously rubbing her arm. Kara followed her with her eyes, immediately noticed what she had just done.

"What happened?" Lena asked.

"A car accident." Kara answered quickly, without bothering to go into detail. 

She kept staring at Lena, who was still scratching her arm, without stopping. And she was scratching in a place that Kara knew, Narwak's bite.

"You too then," she murmured, turning sideways to get a better view of Lena, grimacing with the pain she had just inflicted on her ribs by moving like that.

Lena followed Kara's gaze on her forearm, immediately ceased what she was doing. 

"You can tell me, you know, it still hurts me too, it really hurts at times. In fact, that's what made me lose control of the car."

"It's not healing," Lena said, rolling up her sleeve. "It's not scarring over, either."

"And we won't be able to get an explanation, I'm afraid. The creature is dead."

Lena refrained from being curious, from asking questions, she only nodded her head and looked at the wound.

"What did you come here for, Kara?"

"I'm looking for a missing young woman."

Lena looked up at her, as if she didn't believe her. Because it didn't actually make much sense, why would Kara be hired to find a lost Irish girl? She was a reporter from National City.

Kara read her face and continued her explanation. "A woman came to me, an alien, because her daughter disappeared while she was travelling here, a car accident and the local authorities closed the case, pronounced her dead."

Lena nodded her head. Indeed, she remembered the story, the local newspapers had mentioned it, but nothing long as an article. Very few details. She sighed as she remembered what Kara had told her the day before, that she had this thing to deal with here.

"You're going to have a very difficult time getting this done, Kara."

"I'm going to succeed." Kara replied quickly, holding back from showing how much pain she was in, her medication having worn off for over an hour now.

"Listen Kara. People here are welcoming, but not if you start poking around in their lives. A stranger who pretends she can do better than the local police and find an alien on top of that. No, it won't be easy at all. The U.S. is far from the best country in the world, but I have to give them what's due to them, in terms of accepting alien immigration, they're way ahead of everyone else."

Kara gritted her teeth, turned on her back, couldn't bear to be twisted sideways to look at Lena in her chair. She stared at the ceiling.

"I'm not leaving until I find her."

Lena got up, went back to the end of the bed, pointed at all of Kara's bandages. "Good luck with that."

"Thank you." Kara said, still staring at the ceiling.

"That was sarcasm, you know."

"I do know."

Kara felt her throat closing, begged herself not to show how fragile and lonely she was feeling right now. She looked down, crossed Lena's gaze upon her.

"I wish I could give you what you want, just leave immediately."

"Then do it, leave."

"I can't do that."

"That poor girl Kara is dead, let her go."

Kara could feel her eyes getting wet. Lena's last sentence, while referring to Mika, had a double meaning. Kara knew that Lena was also talking about herself, asking Kara to let go, to leave, not to fight anymore, because there was nothing left to save anyway. 

"What if she's not?" Kara said.

"What if she is."

In her beautiful green eyes, Kara knew that Lena was still there, that there was still something to save, something worth fighting for, not to give up, not to abandon her once again.

Kara sat up again, wanting to get closer to her, no matter how much pain it would cause her, she would regret it later. 

"What happened to you down there, Lena?" 

Lena closed her eyes immediately upon hearing this question. She saw Lex again, focused, moving his tower forward. Then Lillian's distant, blurry voice telling her, "your life is your life."

"Tell me, please?" asked Kara again.

Lena did not answer, turned around and left the room as she had come, without warning, leaving Kara there alone again. She walked quickly and decisively, went to the nurses' office. 

"Excuse me."

The women turned to Lena.

"You will go and immediately change the patient's wound bandages in room 314, understood?"

The nurses looked at each other, knowing all too well who occupied that room.

"Eyes on me when I talk to you. No complicit gazes between you. I know very well what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourselves. That woman over there deserves your attention and care just like any of your other patients, do you hear me?"

Lena's voice became shaky and much less intimidating towards the end.

"You're going to give her more painkillers, because from what I observed, that was not done and has been due for hours. Got it?"

The nurses remained silent.

"Understood?" she asked again, raising her voice.

"Yes, ma'am," they replied in unison.

Lena clapped her hands. "Then what are you waiting for, go ahead, now!"

Lena stood there, staring menacingly, until the two women entered Kara's room. Then she left the hospital, her heart beating fast, her hand unconsciously playing the notes of their song.

With her head elsewhere, her fingers playing the notes on the steering wheel of the car while she was driving, Lena went to the castle once again. She could have, she should have gone back to the little cottage, her new home. But she had come here, as if hypnotized.

She had passed the ruins and reached the edge of the cliff, before the still inviting emptiness. She massaged her wound that never healed, that still tortured her, that kept her tied to Kara.

Lena closed her eyes, reliving in her head the look in Lex's eyes when the alarms had sounded in her cell after a horrible tremor that had shaken the whole station. She saw the pieces of the game fall to the side and roll on the ground.

Lena closed her eyes even tighter and clenched her teeth, searching her memory, trying to figure out how the pieces of the game were placed before the alarms.

In her head, Lena picked them up one by one, put them back in their place, like this morning on the first floor of the florist's shop.

This game had been the most important of all, she was to determine which one of her or her brother would be the winner, would be the best. This game they had played together since that first day she arrived in the mansion with her teddy bear. The game they had played all their lives, fighting each other, seeking harm rather than loving each other as true brothers and sisters.

Lena opened her eyes again when she had finished placing the game in her head. She could hear the sound of the wind and the waves and in the distance, almost imperceptible, Lillian's voice blending in. Lena massaged the back of her head where a scar still itched. She scratched until she felt a liquid heat under her nails.

With her eyes wide open, she relived the darkness of the cell Lex had locked her in after the strong shaking. Three seconds apart, red emergency lights flickered above her head.

Sitting on the cold metal floor, curled up on herself, she rocked back and forth, staring at the game scattered around her. 

But Lena hadn't been alone very long, in a squeak of metal, the heavy door had opened. And the last person she had expected to be of any help had walked in. Her mother.

Lillian had forced her to get up and follow her. Together, they had fled through the maze of corridors and portholes to the depths of the ocean. With emergency lights and shrill alarms, they had made their way to a command post.

  
  


Lena pulled her fingers from the back of her head, looked at the blood that stained the extremities. She could hear Lillian's voice in her head, but she couldn't clearly distinguish the words, she could hear it without being able to understand it.

* * *

6 months earlier

Lena stared at her mother, still shaken by what she had just admitted out loud. This didn't take away any of the pain and the feeling of abandonment and betrayal she felt towards her. But it did add a bit of humanity to this woman who had always been cold and distant, anything but a mother.

Which Luthor had been the first to carry this darkness that had consumed them all one by one? Who was to blame? All of them, none of them? Lena felt her eyes moisten as she barely realized how much damage they had done to each other.

Lena looked Lillian straight in the eye, and for a moment imagined how their lives could have been different. If she had gotten in Lionel's way, or if she had simply taken Lena with her and fled that lunatic mansion, leaving the Luthor men and their madness for greatness behind. If together they'd gone on to live another life, been a mother and a daughter. Lena had had so much love to give to a member of her family, but had always been hurt whenever she had tried to show her affection. If Lillian had had the child she had always wanted, loving, grateful, and so gifted. 

But Lena had never been good enough, had never been her blood. And Lillian had never had anything to give for Lena. 

Lena went to share this thought aloud with her mother, but as she opened her mouth, another violent tremor shook the whole station. 

Sounds of bending metal, steam leaking, and broken glass echoed in the distance in the hallway as the Luthor women were thrown against the walls and floor of the control station. 

Lillian was the first to regain consciousness after a few minutes. Smoke was already filling the top of the room.

"Lena?" she said coughing.

No answer.

Lillian saw her lying a little further away, she didn't move. She crawled up to her, noticed that she had hit her head on a bolt sticking out of one of the metal pillars. It was still dripping with her blood. 

"Lena, can you hear me?" 

Lillian only got a moan as an answer. Nevertheless, she was relieved that Lena was still there, although seriously stunned. Without wasting any more time, she unhooked the first-aid kit surprisingly still attached to the left of the command post door. 

Lillian stopped the bleeding, placed some stitches and bandaged Lena's head as quickly and as well as she could. For the smoke continued to fill the room where they were.

She helped Lena get back on her feet, put her arm around her neck and held her by her waist. "Come on, Lena, you have to try to walk now."

Another whimper in response, then Lena choked on the smoke. 

"It's all right, just keep moving, one step ahead of the other." Lillian encouraged her as they came into the corridor now. 

Not without difficulty, Lillian led them down two levels, through mechanical breakdowns, electrical fires and water leaks. The station was going to sink, that was a certainty.

Lillian sighed with relief when she finally saw them, the lifeboats. She put Lena on the ground for a short while, just long enough to go through the control screens of each one. Most of them were damaged, but she found a few still in working order. 

Lillian lifted Lena up once more and took her into one of the cabins. She laid her down on one of the seats and buckled her straps. Then she entered the steering controls, activated the autopilot and programmed a destination.

When everything was ready, Lillian went to kneel on the floor next to Lena. She stroked her hair gently, looked at her almost peaceful face when she was half conscious. Her eyelids moved at times, her lips seemed to be saying something, but no sound came out of them.

Lillian continued stroking her hair, felt the same sensation she had had a few hours before when she pulled Lena out of the water from the reservoir. That tank Lex had used to kill her, just for the sheer pleasure of being able to do it.

Lillian found her beautiful, not so much physically but for her heart, all that light and kindness she had once brought with her at the age of 4. How she, her husband and her son had almost managed to kill everything good in Lena. But luckily they hadn't. 

Lillian started to breathe more jerky, then let the words go, her last goodbye.

Your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission

be on the watch

there are ways out

there is light somewhere

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness

be on the watch

the gods will offer you chances

know them

take them

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be

your life is your life

know it while you have it

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you

Lillian had recited the poem from memory, borrowed it to say goodbye. She got up, put a short kiss on Lena's head and walked out of the cabin. She closed the airlock and from the outside she made the cabin take off.

As Lena drifted away from all this, Lillian finally dared to let go of her own words.

"I'm sorry Lena... my daughter."

* * *

Present day

Lena was there, just still listening to the sounds of the coast, the wind, the waves, the seabirds, with Lillian's almost whispered voice still in the distance, speaking softly to her. 

Lena stared at her bloody hand for a moment, until it coagulated and froze as it grew darker. Then she leaned over the edge of the cliff, where she knew Kara had been shortly before. She rolled up her sleeve, stretched out her arm and pressed her wound against the rock again.

In a blink of an eye, Lena again felt a strong pain in her arm, then all the fear Kara had felt when she was so close to death, suspended in the void, without her powers, without the ability to fly.

But Lena also felt something she hadn't felt the last time. She felt all of Kara's grief, the pain of losing her and also the doubt eating away at her inside. That slight doubt that maybe she was still alive, that it was her in that cottage.

Kara's emotions dissipated, and with them, the pain of her injury. Lena straightened up and the wind lifting her hair brought some clarity to her confused memories. Lillian's words in the distance became clearer and a passage came back to her.

Lena heard her words, her voice inside her: "You can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be."

For a brief moment, Lena wondered if she hadn't made a mistake. If her deep desire to be close to Kara really came from the same unhealthy impulse that had hurt her as a teenager. Could this bite, this bond between them, these coincidences that kept bringing them back together be something stronger?

Lena was tempted to believe it, but at the same time, the memory of being totally immersed in the icy water came back to her, then the lack of air and finally the horrible feeling of drowning, of her own death in front of Kara who had not chosen her, who would never choose her first.

Lena leaned forward as she struggled to breathe. She rested her palms on her knees and concentrated to calm herself, to catch her breath, to make the imaginary water that was trying to drown her again disappear.

No, Lena wasn't going to be weak and believe all this, to let herself be fooled once again. She was just beginning to rebuild herself. Kara's presence here was going to ruin everything. She had to go, and fast.

* * *

A few days later, Kara was finally given her discharge. Her concussion had dissipated, her wounds showed no signs of infection, and she was wrapped in a circular bandage around her ribs.

While the guard at the emergency room opened the door, Kara finished reassuring Mika's mother on the phone.

"No, I haven't abandoned you, I promise you, I had a slight... setback. But I have your daughter's file and spoke with the police, so from today, I'm starting over. Yes, that's right. You too, thank you, yes, I'll keep you informed. Bye."

Kara was finally able to hang up and as soon as she had put her cell phone in her purse, a tiny car came to stop in front of her and blocked her way.

Kara was startled at first, but recognized the car immediately. She approached, slowly leaned forward and looked out the front window.

Lena motioned for her to get in, which she did while holding back smiling with all her might. Kara fastened her seat belt, feeling an almost youthful joy at the simple fact that Lena had come to pick her up after she was discharged from the hospital, without even asking her, without even telling her the day or time of her leave.

But the butterflies didn't have a long life because Lena had noticed the little look on Kara's face, her little cornered smiles that she tried to hide.

"Don't think I'm here because..."

"No, no, I know." Kara cut her off almost immediately, not really wanting to hear the rest.

Kara didn't want to know why Lena was here, except that she cared about her. She had been naive and stupid and selfish to believe otherwise, even for a short time. But that short moment, however brief, had been wonderful, as if borrowed from a distant past.

"I'll help you find that girl," sighed Lena.

"Are you serious?" Kara asked, preferring to stare at her hands holding her purse rather than look at her. "I mean, are you sure that..."

Lena raised her hand to interrupt her. "I'm going to help you for these three reasons," she began by raising her index finger. "One, because as a foreigner, no one's going to tell you anything. Two, you're in terrible shape and three, you don't even have a way to travel since you've wrecked the only rental car in the village."

Kara nodded her head, she would have liked there to be a fourth reason, but nevertheless, the simple fact of knowing that she was going to spend the next few days in Lena's presence, working with her, brought the little butterflies dying in her lower abdomen back to life. 

"Thank you," Kara said with a tender smile.

Lena frowned.

"We're going to find this girl together, and the sooner we do, the sooner you get to leave this place... for good."

Lena looked down and started the car, drove them away from the hospital. 

Kara stared at her for a short moment, so beautiful and so cold, so far away. Lena had every reason in the world to do this with her, but it was no less painful. She finally resigned herself to stop looking at her, to instead observe the landscape passing before her eyes.

It didn't matter how Lena behaved today. Because there would be a tomorrow, and she would spend it with her. For now, Kara could let herself go naively and smile, let the little butterflies fly. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you for my brand new beta Kalea. This would not be as complete without you. All the time you spent listening to me, supporting me, I'm really grateful. Dankeschön :)
> 
> Also, a thank you to Angel who so kindly accepted to sing White Flag for me to inspire a scene from this chapter. She has such a beautiful voice, and I am very lucky to know her.

* * *

These songs will be found towards the end of the chapter, if you feel like listening to them while reading:

Sung by Kara :

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gLOzKIP-jU ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gLOzKIP-jU)

sung by tourists on the same night : 

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j8DVTkZdCE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j8DVTkZdCE)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBIYD3h1olY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBIYD3h1olY)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spufq00KKZw ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spufq00KKZw)

* * *

“So you have decided to forgive her.” 

Lena knocked her king to the side, defeated. She got up with a sigh and went to the upstairs window. "Why is it the one we love that can hurt us the most," she said, ignoring the original question.

“You know why.” 

Liam leaned back on his chair and rubbed his eyebrows, tired from waking up particularly early. The sun was just beginning to tint the sky and they were already on their third game. 

Lena looked at the village just starting to wake up. At the very end of the street by the fountain, the delivery man turned the corner, then stopped in front of the shops, bringing orders that had recently arrived by boat. In the distance by the port, the sun pierced through the tops of the few tall trees still standing. For many were gone, and none would soon remain. The quay was being enlarged, so the trees had to give way, even though they had occupied it for more than a hundred years. 

The contrast between the daily routine and brutal change. 

"And no, I won't forgive, I can't let them get away with it," she replied after a short moment of silence from the window.

Liam smiled to himself, having noticed Lena's unconscious choice of words. She had used them and not she. "Nobody gets away with anything, every choice, every action bears consequences." 

"What they... what she did, she..." Lena couldn't finish her sentence. 

"I'm not saying you should excuse what they did to you, Lena," Liam sighed, looking at this game over for the moment, but which in reality would probably never be concluded. 

For the opponent that Lena was desperately looking for was no more. Besides the fact that he continued to live in her, haunting her to this day. 

"Forgiveness is not about excusing, it's about letting go. It's something you offer yourself, not something you give to them."

Lena smiled exaggeratedly and looked over her shoulder. "Forgive... no." 

"This pain that lives inside of you, that is devouring you, is it what's best for you? This hurt is robbing you from your capacity to love, Lena."

  
  


Their eyes met for a moment and unlike most people, Liam was not intimidated by her piercing green eyes. Lena broke the look when she turned back towards the window again.

“Love… I have tried to draw the line between the fools rushing in and the strong minded who doesn’t hesitate. I’ve tried without succeeding, and as I was holding the pen in my hand, I realized the time I did lose on that line was in fact the answer in itself. This pain is all I have left to remind me of the mistakes I made. And I don’t want to love again.” 

“Trusting, opening, loving them was never a mistake, was never _your_ mistake. The way they loved you back, the way they broke your trust, this mistake is on them, not on you. All this hate, this sorrow won’t ever let you heal. The wounds will always stay open, and this pain you seem to be holding onto so much will swallow you alive. Then who will be the winner of this game? Who will be defeated in the end?” 

“I can’t do it. I just can’t.” murmured Lena.

Liam raised the defeated white king. "It's not because you can't. It's because you wont."

Lena saw the delivery truck pull up in front of the florist's store and soon there was a knock on the door. Liam got up without saying a word, walked down the narrow stairs, his every footstep noisily cracking the stairs. 

Lena looked at her watch, it was time anyway. When she looked up at the village, she saw her. Wrapped in a light coat, her blond hair pulled up into a messy bun. Kara came out of the inn rubbing her eyes, yawning.

* * *

Kara watched the landscape go by.  
Woods, fields and the ocean always in the background. At this time, the farmers had already let their herd out. 

After a nod from Lena as a greeting when she climbed into the small car, Kara didn't dare to say a word. Lena was driving, without saying anything, and there was no music playing either. There was silence between them. The only sound was coming from the old car's engine and as far as the eye could reach there was green. Once in a while there were white sheep, appearing as simple white spots on the seemingly endless fields.

Lena slowed down and started to look at the side of the road carefully, then stopped the car on the shoulder.

"I think it's here," she said as she scanned the woods to their right. 

Kara opened the police file she had in her lap, skimming through the first page with the tip of her index finger. She nodded her head and closed it. Lena went to open the door when Kara found the courage to speak up about something that had been on her mind for most of the drive:

“I haven’t had the chance to thank you for what you did at the hospital.”

"That's not necessary, someone had to pick you up."

"That's not what I meant." Kara smiled. "I heard the nurses whispering in the hallway after you left." 

Lena saw her take a moment, losing that shy little smile she had. Her eyebrows were furrowed, she had lowered her eyes. Lena knew what she was referring to, the discrimination she had experienced for being from another origin. She had not expected it to affect her though. 

Lena realized that Supergirl would not have been afflicted by this, but Kara, without her powers but nevertheless with her alien DNA was now fragile. While she was at her most vulnerable, in need of healing, this senseless wickedness had struck her. 

She was not the girl of steel anymore.  
  
  
“Should we go see that infamous accident scene?” Lena asked. She wanted to put a quick end to the moment, which had gotten too sentimental for her taste.

They both got out of the car and Kara handed her the case file.   
Lena quickly scanned through it to find the accident description written by one of the officers. "It says that Mika went off the road, the reason remains unknown. Sudden braking and loss of control resulting in the car going off track..."

"Here" completed Kara.

Lena looked up, saw her standing in the middle of the road, pointing to black marks. The tire tracks went towards the woods to the right. 

"Maybe she tried to avoid an animal," Kara suggested.

Lena shrugged. "Perhaps. The officer seemed to be convinced it was drunk driving. Why am I not surprised?" 

Kara followed the tracks. They continued on the grass, leaving deep furrows for a few meters. Then the vegetation intensified and the grass gave way to damaged bushes. 

"The car would have overturned a few times towards the forest before coming to a complete stop and then..." Lena looked at the end of the page, it was blank. "And then nothing, that's all we have about the accident I think."

Kara heard Lena flip through the document, probably looking for more information, because it was true that there was little information in the report. But Kara had already read it and knew what came next.

She walked slowly between the bushes, letting her fingertips touch the dead leaves of the broken branches. Every step was painful for her, but she tried not to let anything show. She could hardly do it, tell the truth. Her breathing was wheezing, she limped slightly and her face betrayed her with pained expressions she couldn’t control.

Kara arrived at the foot of a huge oak tree. Its bark was scratched and stained blue in a few places. Apart from these small details nothing could have suggested that the tree had been what stopped the car from continuing further into the woods. It was holding up straight, but many of its tassels were now strewn across the ground. 

Mika had been here. It was the beginning of the enigma. She had gotten out of her car and then? Lena tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together, without success. Most of the pieces were still missing.

"I found a note scribbled on a sheet of notebook paper that must have been torn from another officer's pad at the scene. Congratulations on the sharing of information and especially the quality of the filing." Lena held the small lined sheet of paper closer to her face, barely able to read the handwriting. "It says she would have gone..."

Lena interrupted herself. For she had looked up to look at Kara as she finished her sentence, but she couldn't see her anywhere.

"Kara?"

Lena closed the file and put it under her arm as she stepped over the tall grass near the road. "Kara?" she said again, this time louder.

"Here," she replied from further away.

Lena followed the voice from the woods. She passed the bushes, the big oak and made her way through the trees. She found Kara as she emerged on the other side, passing under a huge pine tree. 

"Mika got out of her car and walked here," said Kara, pointing out where they were. 

They were on a steep hillside overlooking the beach below. Kara approached the ledge and Lena watched her, expecting to see her lose her footing at any moment. 

"She walked down this rocky path and went along the shoreline that way." Kara pointed away.

Even from a distance, the village which both left shortly before could be seen clearly.

"All we have to do now is follow the same trail as her," Kara said as she was about to head down a steep descent.

Lena grabbed her arm before she could go any further . "Where do you think you're going? There's no way you're going down that cliff."

Kara looked at Lena's hand on her for a short moment and then looked up at her. "I can do that very well..." she began.

Lena shook her head and pulled her towards the forest again. "In your condition it's anything but a good idea, and anyway so far we haven't learned anything new. Walking along the beach won’t teach us anything. Mika's destination is known." Lena pointed to the file she was holding. "She was seen at the docks, so there's no need to walk there."

"You're probably right." she sighed.

Lena took her hand off her and went back into the forest. "Yes I'm right, come on now." 

Kara took one last look at the place, trying to take in everything Mika had seen and gone through, trying to put herself in Mikas shoes.

Lena and Kara set off in the opposite direction. They had been driving for less than five minutes when they were forced to stop. Crossing from one field to another, pressed against each other, sheep were bleating, confused and frightened by the approach of the small car. The farmer waved his hand to greet them and shrugged his shoulders to show his regret for blocking their way. 

The animals were either advancing very slowly or going in circles or even going backwards. The poor man seemed to manage to lead his herd with difficulty. 

"We're going to spend the day there," Lena sighed as she impatiently moved her fingers on the steering wheel. 

She backed up and turned around, went to another intersection, the one she had deliberately chosen to avoid. For a few minutes later, the ruins of O'Flattery appeared in the distance.

And Kara uttered the words that Lena feared the most. "Can you stop here, please?"

And they were back at the castle again, together.

Kara got out first while Lena hesitated and remained in the car alone for a short while. She closed her eyes and held the steering wheel firmly in her hands. It was here that everything had shifted. This was where Lex had driven them, letting them get closer, weaving a bond as only a Narwak's bite could do. It was here that every little crumb of bread had led them, one to the other and both to him. Like small animals in one of his elaborate traps. A cruel game in which, all things considered, none of them had emerged victorious. 

Lena could still feel the warmth and taste of the tea she had been drinking before she collapsed in the hallway. Her last memory here before she woke up in the tank. She forced herself out of the car, feeling an urgent need for fresh air.

Lena took a deep breath and saw Kara who was now near the mailbox.

"You haven't read them then? None?"

Lena wiped her hand over her forehead, seeing herself throwing the letter into the water. "I read the first one."

"What about the others?"

Lena didn't answer, so Kara turned around and looked into her eyes. "Tell me why?"

Lena shook her head.

"What about the others, Lena?"

"Don't go there Kara." Lena said walking away, trying to avoid the conversation.

"Wait"

But Lena didn't wait; instead she walked towards the cliff, her fingers tapping piano keys in the void above her thigh. She didn't even look back at the castle.

Kara sniffed as she counted the number of letters stranded here, all still in their envelopes, all intact, never read. With a limping step, she went to join Lena, but unlike her, Kara couldn't help but look sadly at what was left of the castle.

Kara moved to Lena's left side, and like her, looked towards the horizon segmenting the sky and the ocean. Still as beautiful, still as mesmerizing to be here.

"I dreamed of you burning O'Flattery, and then you came here and..." Kara looked over her shoulder at the ruins. She remembered waking up, drenched in sweat with her hands stretched in the air, ready to catch Lena. "Did you really intend to throw yourself down?"

Kara's voice was almost inaudible, hesitant, sorry. Lena remembered that night very clearly, felt the warmth of the flames on her skin, the smell of smoke, the sound of the windows breaking in the fire.

"Yes."

Kara swallowed with difficulty, understanding that Lena had truly wanted to die. This realization hit her hard, especially since she also remembered that this was not the first time. Back when Lena emptied the contents of her little boxes to Kara, she had confessed having the same desire as a young girl. When simply living with her family had been too much to bare, when the sharp pain of a razor blade on her skin was no longer enough. 

Kara watched her gaze at the vastness, her black hair contrasting with her pale skin. So beautiful and yet so wounded. She wished she could have taken her in her arms and held her tightly. To make her feel that she wouldn't let anything bad happen to her anymore, that she was there and that she wouldn't go anywhere. But Kara also knew that she had already had this chance, that she had already experienced this moment to comfort Lena and make her believe that she would protect her. And all her beautiful words, all those moments spent here together, had no meaning now. Because Kara had chosen Alex, and even if she couldn't and wouldn't choose differently, it had destroyed everything, ruined everything, killed what was left to die in Lena.

Just as Kara was about to take Lena’s hand into her own, the black haired woman crossed her arms and turned towards her. 

"I could ask you the same question myself," Lena said, pointing to the piece of cloth still anchored in the stone below. 

Kara looked down near the edge of the cliff and then at her coat and saw that it was damaged. 

" You really did it, you jumped?" Lena asked as she remembered Kara's fright transmitted by the contact of her skin with the dried blood.

"Yes and no." 

Lena raised an eyebrow, looking puzzled.

"I thought about it, I wanted to at one point, but I slipped, I didn't jump."

Lena rubbed her forearm, trying not to let herself be affected by the news that Kara had thought about ending it all. That she had reached this point, that she had wanted to do it here above all. A place that had no meaning to her except the memory of Lena.

"You didn't learn that from that simple piece of cloth, did you? You saw it, you felt it..." Kara said, fixing her hand over her wound.

"We've wasted enough time here Kara, we have to go to the port now." 

And Lena left again without warning. She walked quickly, taking deep breaths to stay in control. Helping Kara in her search was one thing, starting to feel sorry for her, letting her get inside her head again was another. She had to stay focused, strong. Keep her at a distance.

Lena got into the car, took the file left on the passenger seat and started reading it, or at least pretending to read it. She didn't want to meet Kara's eyes when she approached the car. Her gaze would be sad and beautiful and she didn't need to make it any harder on herself than it already was.

After regaining her composure, after going through several pages, Lena wondered what was taking so long and dared to look up. She saw Kara picking up all the letters one by one.

Lena felt her heart skip a beat in front of this heartbreaking scene. Kara was really miserable to watch, it was clear that she was holding back tears, how all her envelopes seemed to weigh very heavy in her arms, on her heart.

Lena closed her eyes hard, squeezed her fingers on the steering wheel, not wanting to see any more. Kara entered the car, her arms full of letters. She didn't look at Lena, looked out the window instead as tears continued to threaten running down the corners of her eyes.

They left the castle behind, without saying anything more, each one suffering on her own.

* * *

When they arrived at the port, a thick fog was starting to cover the moored boats. Kara shivered from this suddenly freezing humidity in comparison to the higher ground on the island. 

"Let's try to stay focused on the case, shall we?" Lena asked, taking the file Kara was handing her.

She just nodded her head in response. Lena's sentence was in fact a way of asking Kara to stop dwelling on the past, not to make it more difficult for her than it already was. Above all, to remind her that she was only offering her help to speed up her departure from Ireland. Nothing more. 

"A fisherman named Pharell Murphy is said to have been the last to see Mika. From what I read in his statement, he saw her wandering on the quay and she seemed to walk with difficulty, as if she were drunk." Lena passed her hand through her hair with a sigh. "It seems as if everyone had already agreed in advance that alcohol was the cause of the accident and then of her drowning."

"Let's go and test the veracity of this fisherman's testimony," Kara said, taking the lead.

Lena was right, she had to stay focused, for the sake of the girl. No one knew where she was or what state she was in. She should have been found a long time ago. They couldn’t afford to lose more time.

"We're looking for a fishing boat, of course," Lena said as she flipped through the pages.

"There's no lack of that here," Kara replied, showing with a wave of her hand the number of boats with this purpose. 

"Location 17. So it should be right there."

"It should." Kara repeated, pointing to the empty slot.

Lena didn't finish her sentence, as from the increasingly opaque fog came the sound of an engine.

The bow appeared in the distance and soon a large boat emerged from the fog, big letters spelling out the ship's name: Faoileáin. She came to a halt just in front of them and a man stepped out of the helm cockpit. He threw buoys shaped like big red balloons to the side facing the dock, and then grabbed a huge rope and spun it in the air before throwing it towards the rusty iron bollard. The sailor moored his ship, without even paying the slightest attention to the two women gazing at him.

"Mr. Murphy?" Kara asked as she made her way to the rope ladder leading to the boat. 

The man raised his head in an accusing manner. "Who are you?" he asked.

Kara just smiled and joined him on deck. She then motioned to Lena to join her, despite the bewildered look on the fisherman's face, not understanding at all what two women of their kind could want with him at this hour of the morning.

"What are you doing on my boat, what do you want?" he asked again as he took off his woollen beanie.

"I have a few questions for you," Kara added, offering her hand to help Lena get on board.

"What kind of questions? If you're looking to go around the island by boat, there are real expeditions for tourists, I'm just fishing. I don't do that kind of trip." 

"That's nice but no, I'm not here for that. I have come to see you because some time ago you saw a friend of mine." Kara raised her eyebrows as if to encourage him to remember, even though she knew very well that with so little information, he wouldn't know who she was talking about. She was just trying to get his attention and keep it on her, only on her. And hopefully making him forget about Lena.

" Yes, try to remember. A young girl, about my height, long brown hair. She was walking very early on the harbor, looking a little drunk." Kara pointed in the direction of the beach and the portion of the quay crossing it. "Doesn't sound familiar?"

The man said nothing, squeezed his hands around his bonnet.

"You surely remember, it's the missing young woman, Mika," Kara said as she took a few steps towards the man. She plunged her piercing blue eyes into his.

"Yes, it's coming back to me, how can I forget."

Kara gave him a big smile, too big even. "How can you forget, indeed." 

"My condolences for your friend," he said, swallowing with difficulty.

"How nice of you. So I'm here because I wanted to pay a last tribute to her, you understand? I'm going back the same way she did before she died, a kind of commemorative pilgrimage." 

The fisherman nodded his head as if he understood, but he didn't.

"And so could you tell me exactly what you saw?"

The man passed his hand over his forehead with a sigh, looked on the ground for a short moment, as if to gather his thoughts. "Look, I remember her, but not in detail. It was morning, she came that way and went that way," he pointed in the distance.

"I understand, it's been a while, and it was very early," she said in a now understanding and sorry tone.

"I had just gotten up, it's hard to remember well in those circumstances."

"I'm the same, everything that happened before my first coffee never stuck in my memory," she said, laughing and putting her hand on the sailor's arm.

He smiled and then laughed a little with her. 

"A good coffee with milk and then I'm me again. How do you drink your coffee?"

"I prefer tea." 

"I forgot, you Irish and English, only tea, no coffee." 

Kara smiled heartily at him for a brief moment before drastically turning uncertain. "But from here, from location 17, we are at the very end of the dock." Kara stretched out her neck and squinted her eyes. "You must have a pretty good view because the beach is pretty far away."

The man did not respond, but his breathing became noisier.

"And it's funny that you said you just woke up, because I thought the policemen told me that you were coming back from a night at sea, a bit like today, right?"

The man stepped back and put his beanie back on. "It's true, I... I had just come back from deep-sea fishing and so my boat passed by the dock to get to my location. I was near the beach at the time."

"I understand. But didn't you just wake up?"

The man coughed as he stepped back, realizing that the other woman from earlier was no longer there. "Where is the other one who came with you?"

"Had you just woken up or had you just come in from the sea?"

Lena came back from the back of the boat where she was and the man stared at her sternly. "Get off my boat now!"

Lena nodded to Kara, telling her to follow her out of here.

"It was a pleasure Mr. Murphy, have a nice day," Kara said, waving.

"That's it, get the hell out of here," he whispered as they finally left Faoileáin.

* * *

Lena returned to their table, two steaming cups in hand. A coffee for Kara, a tea for herself. They had left the harbor and went to the Blue Rose Café where they planned to gather their ideas and make up their minds.

"Look, they have board games here," Kara said in front of a bookshelf at the far end of the place.

"Your coffee's getting cold."

Kara took an old wooden box, marked by time, and carried it with her as she went to meet Lena. "I'm coming. I hate cold coffee."

She sat opposite Lena on one of the padded armchairs. Kara sank into the cushion, the springs certainly broken or non-existent. Lena smiled as the blond tried to straighten herself up into a relatively comfortable position, but mostly because she looked tiny with her shoulders just barely protruding from the table.

However, Lena's smile disappeared when she noticed what game Kara had brought with her.

" Do you take black or white," she asked, taking a sip and placing the chessboard between them.

"We need to talk about that fisherman, Kara."

"I know, I know, but we can do both at the same time, can't we? We haven't had a game night in forever and... to be honest, I miss it terribly. So, white or black?"

"The whites," Lena finally replied, unconsciously starting to place the pieces on her side.

Kara took a second sip and watched Lena with interest. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"What?" Lena asked Lena without thinking, then she looked down at the chessboard and realized that she had done the same thing she had done with Liam. 

In the blink of an eye, Lena found herself in her cell, sitting in front of Lex, just before the alarms interrupted their game. The creature's bite projected a sharp pain in her arm and she was brought back to reality when she heard Kara moaning in pain.

Lena looked up at Kara who was already staring at her. She didn't need to ask the question, yes Kara had felt it too. "Don't," Lena said quickly, raising her hand to Kara who had opened her mouth to speak.

"You want to play chess, so let's play," Lena continued, this time placing all her white pieces correctly on the first two rows hoping Kara wouldn’t try to talk about what they both just experienced. 

Kara massaged her arm and sighed. "Start."

Lena moved a pawn forward and Kara did the same. "What did you think of the boat?" Lena asked.

"It is rusty, stinking of fish and dirty I would say."

"Dirty, exactly. And yet, this man has everything it takes to make it shiny. When I walked past the cockpit, I noticed a bucket full of rags, brushes and sponges and right next to it nearly two gallons of bleach. A new container, and an empty one that had fallen on its side." 

"So he cleaned something up," Kara said in a distressed tone, praying that it wasn't what she feared.

Lena moved her rook three squares forward, taking one of Kara's knights. At this rate, the game would finished soon.

"The man is lying to us. His story doesn't fit."

"What makes you say that?" Lena said, now taking the second black bishop.

"He's tangled up in his lies. First he just woke up, but then said he didn't and he was coming back from deep-sea fishing."

“I see what you mean, if his story doesn’t add up, there must be something wrong.”

"Exactly, and besides that, the distance of his boat from where Mika would have gone doesn't match either." Kara took her cup to represent the boat and moved it while continuing her argument. "Let's say that my hand represents the beach and where he said he saw Mika walking by, looking like she was drunk, if his boat was at anchorage 17 it was way too far away to distinguish what Mika looked like, if he was coming back from fishing, there was no reason to make a detour to the edge of the dock, its location is on the completely different side. Of course that would explain how he would have seen her, but it doesn't make any more sense."

"Checkmate," said Lena as she placed her queen in front of the defenseless black king. 

Kara looked at the game and raised her eyebrows. She gave a small push with the tip of her finger and knocked her king down. "He told the police that he saw her cross the beach in front of the marina and head in the different direction."

"And then the search continued in that direction, divers raked the waters of the harbor," added Lena.

"Nothing else relevant was found, it stops there. The information provided by this man is the last and probably only tangible information that has been collected. If he hid anything, the entire investigation could have been affected." 

Lena sighed as she blew on her cup, in an attempt to cool down the still hot beverage. "From what I read in the file, even if this man's testimony had been different, the police would have come to the same conclusion. It's obvious that they didn't put the effort into looking for her once the possibility of drowning was considered." 

"Because she's an alien, you think?" Kara asked as she finished her coffee.

Lena shrugged and looked out the window next to their table. "We have to go back and find out the truth."

"I don't know how much more I can get out of him," Kara sighed as she massaged her ribs.

Lena smiled in a corner as she turned to stare at her again. "I forgot to tell you that I didn't just go and explore the cockpit."

* * *

"No, but are you kidding me?" the fisherman asked, throwing his beanie on the bridge.

"Mr. Murphy, it's good to see you too," Kara replied, taking the hand Lena held out to help her get on the boat.

They went to meet him at the stern and on the way, Kara noticed the cleaning products Lena had mentioned before.

"Get out of here now, I have nothing more to say to you that you don’t already know!"

“If you could just tell us the truth, it will save us all a lot of time. And then, I promise, we will leave." Kara said.

Murphy sighed loudly. 

"Let's make a trade, okay? Tell us what really happened that night and we'll help you avoid losing your entire fish load," Kara raised her eyebrows.

"What?"

"This must be a huge waste of money, a whole lot of fish to throw away, what do you think Lena?"

Lena simply nodded her head as the man looked at them individually, his face getting redder and redder with anger.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"On our previous visit, I messed up the refrigeration system in your hold. Soon your catch will no longer meet sanitary standards," Lena said slowly, looking at her nails, as if she wasn't more interested in all this.

The fisherman let out a scream of rage, threw himself on Lena and caught her by the collar. He pulled her towards him so high that Lena hardly touched the ground. "You're going to fix this for me, right now." He murmured a few inches from her face.

He barely had a chance to finish his sentence when he felt a strong pain in the back of his leg. Murphy let go of Lena, only to catch the oar that Kara was about to swing towards him for the second time, just in time. 

Both of them held it, but he had the upper hand. Stronger and taller, he ripped the oar out of her hands, causing her to lose her footing. 

"Kara" was the only thing Lena was able to get out.

But it was already too late. Kara had gotten her feet tangled and was falling backwards. The sailor reached out his arm to catch her, but he didn't succeed. 

Before Lena's panicked eyes, Kara went overboard and fell into the water.

Kara found herself completely below the surface in the icy, salty sea. 

The cold penetrated her skin, stiffened her arms and legs, so that every movement she made towards the surface was terribly painful. And swimming with her cracked ribs was far from the kind of remission the doctor had suggested. 

When she was finally able to swim back to the surface and catch her breath out of the water, there was no more fishing boat. There was only the dark blue vastness of the ocean and an orange lifeboat.

"Kara, it's going to be alright, swim to me," Alex said, reaching out her hand, waving to her. "Kara," she said again, reaching out her hand. But this time it wasn't her voice anymore, but Lena's voice coming out of her mouth.

"Kara, grab the life buoy!"

In the blink of an eye, Alex and the lifeboat disappeared. Instead, Kara saw a white and red buoy floating a few meters away from her. Kara ran her hand over her face, removing the strands of hair that were blocking her view. She swam to the life buoy and put her arms inside. 

"Hold on, Miss," Murphy said as he pulled her out of the water.

Kara slowly made her way out of the water and climbed up the end of the boat, she noticed an area of the stern that was surprisingly white compared to the rest of the grayish hull. 

"I'm really sorry, I..." the sailor said as he pulled Kara over the railing and onto the boat.

"Stand back," Lena said to him as she rushed towards Kara, surrounding her with a thick blanket she had found in the helm cockpit. 

Lena sat on the deck near Kara, took her in her arms and vigorously rubbed her back and arms to activate her circulation.

"The cl... cle... cleannnnning products, Lena. The stern of the bbbbboat."

Lena didn't understand, but the fisherman knew immediately what she was talking about. He started pacing around, talking in a low voice and holding his head in his hands. Lena watched him as she now stroked Kara's cold dripping hair.

"You know what she's talking about, don't you? Tell us the truth Murphy, we're not the police, we're not going to arrest you, we just want to find this girl."

The fisherman stopped walking, turned to them, saw them entwined, one staring at him with piercing green eyes, the other in his blanket with purple lips.

"Please," Lena whispered.

Murphy fell to his knees before them. He looked at his hands, then did what he'd done too many times before, he closed them into fists, "That girl you're looking for, Mika, she came on my boat. I've asked her many times to leave, people like her are not wanted here."

Kara wanted to say something, but her teeth were just clicking and she felt so cold. But above all, it was not time to interrupt him, she needed to hear what he had to say.

"I told her over and over again to leave. When I finally saw her resign herself to go down, I went to my cabin and started the engines."

Murphy's knuckles turned white as his hands were tightly clenched. "The boat always gives a kind of kick when I go backwards at the beginning. I heard a kind of splash that I thought was just one of my buoys. It wasn't until the next morning that I saw..."

He paused and looked at the stern. "I thought she had gotten off the boat, I guess she was still there when I left the harbor. She must have hit her head when she fell into the water."

The sailor looked at Lena again and Kara who stared at him without saying anything. What was left to say now? The damage had already been done. 

"I'd like to say I'm sorry for so many things... but I think it's too late for that now."

* * *

Lena turned the heating of her little car to maximum, seeing that Kara was still shivering even after changing into dry clothes.

Less than an hour before, they had gone to the hostel where Kara was staying. Kara had showered and Lena had taken out a change of clothes for her. Lena had tried to force her to rest, but without success. Kara had only agreed to let her re-bandage the few wounds that had been sutured from the car accident. According to Kara this was not necessary but Lena had insisted strongly. 

They didn’t speak during that moment in the room. Kara was in thought about what had happened on the boat and what had happened in the water, the memories of the station having found her. Lena, on the other hand, was trying with all her might to repress the fear she had felt when she saw Kara go overboard. But most of all, she realized how Kara had come to her aid against the raging sailor, knowing full well that she no longer had any powers. She had defended her, with all the courage of a simple human, a simple woman with cracked ribs, limping and with a recent concussion. 

And Kara had then wanted to leave from there, for it was now time to confront this policeman who had done a bad job in the search for Mika.

"Is this warm enough," Lena asked, holding out her hand in front of the car's ventilation grills.

Kara nodded her head as she watched the landscape go by through the window. "Where are you Mika?" she murmured to herself.

Lena bit her lower lip. "Kara... if she hit her head when she fell into the water, if she stained the stern with her blood, I don't think she..."

"She's not dead Lena, I know it," Kara replied without turning away from the glass.

Lena answered nothing. Now it was her turn to wonder if Kara didn't associate Mika's life with what was happening between them. Lena tried to convince her that it was over, but Kara wouldn't give up.

The rest of the trip to the police station was silent. Once there, Lena held Kara by the arm to help her walk. Her fall from the railing had aggravated her claudication from the accident and she was out of pain medication. 

"We're here to see Detective Walsh, tell him the american is back," Kara said as she went to the front desk.

"Please have a seat, I'll see if he can see you."

Lena and Kara sat down in the waiting room. Almost half an hour had passed when Kara lost her patience. She got up, walked to the glass wall near the magnetic door overlooking the inside of the station. 

In the distance, quietly serving himself a coffee, Sean Walsh. Kara hit the glass three times, saw him and all the other police officers turn towards her.

"I see you inspector, I know you're there," she said, pointing at him.

The phone at the front desk rang immediately, and Lena got up in a hurry. "Kara stop!"

"The inspector can't see you, miss, please leave the station now," said the officer at the reception desk, the handset still resting between her shoulder and her ear.

"Like hell I will." she said as she started banging on the glass again. "I know what you did Walsh, how you botched this investigation!"

"Kara that's enough, come on." Lena tried to grab her arm. But Kara ducked.

"Mika is still alive, you hear me! She is still alive and you stopped looking for her!" 

Lena saw some officers heading in their direction so she forced Kara to follow her to the exit, and waved to the police that everything was fine, that she had the situation, Kara, in hand.

"What the hell is wrong with you?," Lena asked as she got back to the car. 

Kara ran her hand through her hair and breathed a sigh of exasperation. "That man abandoned her, Lena, don't you understand?" 

"Pssst"

Kara turned around, looking for the origin of this sound.

"Miss Danvers, over here."

"Patrick?" Kara asked, leaning in the direction of the voice, the young agent's face barely protruding from the corner of the building.

Kara motioned to Lena to wait for her there, and then she walked slowly to the side of the station, which was guarded in the shadow of a huge oak tree. 

"What are you doing here, Patrick?"

He handed her a file surrounded by a rubber band. "I've come to give you the rest of the case."

Kara took the document and as she was about to try to open it, the young man put his hand on it. "You know, Inspector Walsh is not as bad as he looks, here you learn very quickly that nothing is black or white. It's all gray actually. So don't be too quick to judge him, he had his reasons for hiding this from you."

"And what are your reasons for revealing this to me?" she asked.

Patrick withdrew his hand and rubbed his mouth for a short moment, hesitating. "Hope is both a powerful and destructive thing, Miss Danvers. I hope this will help you give this young woman's mother what she needs."

With those words, Patrick nodded his head and walked away to the back door of the police station. Kara returned to the car to join Lena. 

"What's that?" she asked as she saw Kara return.

"Let's get out of here, we'll find out soon enough."

* * *

The fog completely covered the harbor by the time they returned. They walked side by side on the pebble beach, each step resonating with the waves at their feet. They stopped at the spot indicated in the file, then stared at the cold, wet gray approaching.

Kara had read the file without really believing it, without really wanting to believe it either. A lot had been hidden from them.

Murphy had been very convincing in telling his story, especially towards the end when he fell to his knees, saying he had regrets. But his regrets had never been about leaving Mika behind, and that it had never been his story to tell either. 

For it was not he who had actually seen Mika that night, but his wife. She had asked Mika to leave the boat, begging her not to make any noise for fear of waking her husband, even though the amount of alcohol he had drunk would have kept him asleep in the middle of a storm. Murphy's wife's common sense had long since been replaced by her fear of her husband, by the survival instinct. And so, out of fear and fear alone, she had left the harbor, leaving Mika for dead in the waters near the dock. 

In Patrick's file, there were recent and older photos, over the years, of all the assaults and injuries the poor woman had endured each time the police had had to intervene. But she had never filed a complaint. 

So when all this happened, Inspector Walsh and Murphy had made a deal. For once in his life, the fisherman would protect his wife, take her story and make it his own, and also, let her go, far, far away, to a life without fish and violence, without him.

That's what Murphy meant when he said he was sorry, when he asked if it was too late.

And if only that had been all, but it wasn't. Poor Mika had made it to the beach, to the very spot where Lena and Kara were now standing. The police had discovered this information when they found an American passport during a search of the home of a young junkie living in one of the rusty boats that hadn't set sail for years. 

The young man had confessed that he had found Mika, stranded here. Believing her dead, he had searched and emptied her pockets, it was only by trying to take her medallion around her neck that she had moved. Frightened, under the effect of hard drugs, the boy fled.

He had left her here.

Walsh's report also told them that the junkie in question had overdosed a few weeks earlier. 

Some of the truth had died with him, some had left her abusive husband, and what was left was in that file which had been hidden from them.

Patrick was right, nothing was black and white, everything was grey.

"This is so not fair," Kara said, sniffing.

"Surviving a car accident, coming all the way to the harbor to get help and being turned away like that," Lena added as her chin tensed up.

"To find the strength to swim to the coast to be robbed of what little she still had on her and finally, to be left for dead, left alone to be picked up by the sea once again," Kara completed.

This was really what had happened, considering the time of the events, the statement of the drug addict, the tide was rising at that moment. Mika, almost unconscious, had been dragged away to the open sea, and was never found.

"Her mother was so certain ... so convincing, I believed her," Kara whispered.

"She still had hope, Kara."

"Hope is both a powerful and destructive thing," Kara said in the words of Agent Patrick.

Lena looked away from the fog and looked at Kara: "There is no hope now, it's over Kara... You know what that means."

Kara closed her eyes and shook her head. "Let me let you go?" 

"Yes."

"What if I can't, what if I don't want to?"

Lena sighed "What if it was not up to you to decide? What if, for once, you would do what is best for me?"

  
  


Kara turned to her, moved closer and stared her straight in the eyes. “How could leaving you behind, here, would be for the best?” 

Lena held up that imploring, desperate blue look. “Because you would not be here, because I could finally try to heal from you, as I was doing before you came here, before you ruined everything.”

Kara swallowed with difficulty the harsh and direct words of Lena who wanted her away from here. “Burning castle and thinking about jumping off a cliff? Is this what you call healing?”

“No, you don’t get to tell me how to get over you!” Lena replied quickly, taking a step towards her, clenching her teeth, as if to challenge her to continue in that direction.

“What if you don’t get over me at all, what if you let me…” 

Lena put her fingers on Kara's mouth, interrupted her. “No, we won’t have this conversation again, I have already given you my reasons, why I cannot have you in my life anymore, Kara. You have to move on, _we_ have to move on.”

“Why?” Kara asked in a broken voice.

“You know why.” Lena replied, placing her forehead against hers. 

Kara dropped the file on the beach, took Lena's hands in hers. “I just came from a world where there is no more Luthor, where a coffin was buried six feet underground with your name on it. I came from six months of crying myself to sleep thinking of that decision I made, of being nothing and no one and alone and of hating myself enough to jump off a cliff…”

Kara paused as her voice became raspy and she could hardly hold back from crying. “But you are alive, and here, and so am I. This is beyond all I’ve hoped and prayed for in my worst days. So you cannot ask me to just go back to where I come from, to that life. I won’t survive it.”

Lena moved her face away from Kara, stepped aside and bent over to pick up the document. “I’m not asking you to go back to that life, Kara. As you said, I’m alive and I’m here in Ireland. You know that now. I’m not sending you back to that grief, I’m asking you to go on with your life, and accept that I cannot be a part of it anymore.”

Kara could no longer hold back her tears, so she looked into the distance, the fog, to avoid being weak once again in front of Lena, who was still certain of her decision. 

“This is so hard.” Kara said painfully.   
  


Lena went to stand behind Kara, put her hands on her shoulders, breathing in the scent of her long blonde hair. The scent of red poppies, tea and an old crumpled piano score, the smell of Kara, the feeling of being at home. 

Lena closed her eyes tightly, put a short kiss on the back of Kara's head. "It was never meant to be easy."

Kara felt a shiver run through her when Lena whispered this phrase, pulled her hands away and at the sound of the stones under her feet, walked away.

"Tonight, please, meet me at the pub in town, ok?" Kara asked, sniffing.

"Kara..." Lena sighed, looking over her shoulder.

“I will leave tomorrow, but just for tonight, let’s have a proper goodbye.”

Lena got lost once again in that sad blue of Karas eyes.

“Please.”

* * *

Lena was standing outside in front of the large checkered windows. The pub was crowded. All the tables were taken, and many people were just standing with their beer in hand, chatting near the bar or listening to the singer at the small stage set up for the evening.

It was open mic tonight, that's why there were so many people. Lena looked at the faces and only recognized about ten of them. Most of them came from other villages where there were probably tourists. An opening was created near the counter and Lena immediately recognized the blonde hair. 

"A proper goodbye" she sighed as she finally deigned to enter. 

She passed with difficulty between people, taking a few minutes just to join her at the counter.

"You came," Kara said, her eyes lighting up as she approached.

"It's not like you gave me a choice."

"We always have a choice," she said, picking up the sweater she placed next to her. "I saved a bench for you, it's crazy the crowd here tonight, I didn't expect it here, the village is so small".

Lena waved to the barman. "Redbreast neat".

On the other side of the pub, the owner of the place went up on stage and asked for a round of applause for the young man from the village who dared to perform his own composition. Then he asked the crowd if they were having a good evening. To which many tapped their feet on the wooden floor, clapped their hands or shouted encouragement. 

"There's a good ambiance," Lena said as her glass of whisky was served to her. 

She took a big sip, closed her eyes for a second, let the liquor sit on her tongue, tasted the aromas, then swallowed and let the warmth seep down her throat. Kara watched her do it, admired the way she drank, her beauty in the subdued light of the place. She would have given anything to make time stop turning, for this night to never end. 

The owner went on to announce that the next singers were coming from far away, that he had gathered together and saved for the end, the foreigners, the tourists, to see what they were capable of.

Again applause and a man with a light beard shyly climbed on stage. He took off his hat, put on his guitar and indicated his name and that he was from Scotland.

Lena turned around and saw Kara looking at her. She smiled in the corner, waiting for her to say something. But Kara just smiled back, silently wishing for time to stand still.

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

_'Cause if I could see your face once more_

_I could die a happy man I'm sure_

"So what are you going to do now?" Lena asked, she couldn't bear that sweet and touching look.

"Do you really want to know that?"

[ _When you said your last goodbye_ ](https://genius.com/Kodaline-all-i-want-lyrics#note-2807765)

[ _I died a little bit inside_ ](https://genius.com/Kodaline-all-i-want-lyrics#note-2807765)

[ _I lay in tears in bed all night_ ](https://genius.com/Kodaline-all-i-want-lyrics#note-2807768)

[ _Alone without you by my side_ ](https://genius.com/Kodaline-all-i-want-lyrics#note-2807768)

Lena passed her hand through her hair and took another sip. "I think, yeah, I don't know actually, it was just to make conversation."

Kara nodded her head. "I think I'm going to go home and see Alex, I didn't stop by to see her last time I was in town."

Unconsciously, Lena went to ask why, but changed her mind at the last second, remembering it was the Luthor funeral, her own funeral. Her heart was tightened for a moment when she saw Kara's grief-stricken look on her face. She too was thinking about it. Lena imagined her standing in front of her grave, felt an ache in her lower abdomen so she downed what was left of her glass and signaled to the bartender that she wanted another one. 

The Scotsman left the stage and a young woman, short and tiny, from the Philippines, was introduced to the audience. She received a warm welcome as she struggled to climb onto the stage bench. She greeted the crowd, quickly tuned her ukulele and began to play skillfully. 

_I see trees of green red roses too_

_I see them bloom for me and for you_

_And I think to myself_

_What a wonderful world_

"Here you go" said the barman as he brought the second whisky. 

_Cause wise men say “Only fools rush in”_

_But I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_

_If I can’t help falling in love with you._

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_

_Darling, so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

Kara turned her eyes away from Lena to look at the singer, realizing how she had so beautifully intertwined these two iconic songs. They weren't meant to be as one, but tonight they were. 

Lena felt Kara's fingers join hers, slip between them and then tighten. 

_So take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you_

_So I think to myself it’s a wonderful world_

Lena turned her head towards Kara, observed her staring at the singer, absorbing her words. Her gaze was captivated and wet too. Lena squeezed her fingers around Kara's in turn. She smiled and imitated her, looking towards the stage as well.

After the song, everyone applauded, everyone but them. For both of them didn't dare to let go, didn't dare to look into each other's eyes either. They savored that short moment of stolen closeness where Kara dared and Lena no longer fought.

The owner announced that there were still two singers to go in this "overseas" segment. He proceeded to invite a tall, slender woman to join him. Unlike the two previous singers, she took up the piano. She introduced herself with her strong accent, her French coming out through her impeccable English. Coming from Quebec, she announced that she would not be singing in English and for those curious about the translation, she would accept to be offered drinks afterwards. 

Everyone laughed at this and without further ado, she began to play and sing. Kara understood absolutely nothing but Lena remembered her advanced French lessons in boarding school. 

_Tu te faufiles_

_Tu te faufiles entre mes lignes_

These first words struck Lena. It wasn't at all a song of romance with a happy ending, far from it.

_Pars par là loin devant_

_Ton vent m'essouffle_

_Souffle une fois_

_Car mes plaies s'ouvrent_

_Pars par ici maintenant_

Lena released Kara's hand and took a long sip of her glass. She coughed as she stood up from the bench. 

"Where are you going?"

Lena put her glass on the bar and left a bill underneath. "I have to go, coming was a mistake." 

The lyrics of the young Quebecer had come to remind Lena that all this was not at all a beautiful romantic love story as some naive and futile songs can be. No, not at all. 

The song was about a woman wounded again and again by the one she loved, who always found her way through her barriers and borders, only to wound her even more afterwards. And in a last effort, despite her sickly need to keep her close, she begged her to go away, to leave her alone, to stop reopening her wounds. 

"Wait, I beg you, Lena," Kara said, putting her hand on Lena's waist, turning her towards her. 

Lena looked her in the eyes and shook her head. "Let me go."

Kara pulled her hair away from her face, stroked her cheek, approached to kiss her. Lena turned her face at the last moment, closing her eyes tightly, it was all too painful. She had to leave, and quickly.

"Stay," Kara whispered.

Lena felt her throat closing as she turned around, ignoring her request. And once again, she left Kara. Lena tried to find her way among the people applauding the end of this song in French. She could almost see the exit door when the last singer was brought up. 

For this one, however, Lena did not hear any presentation, the piano started immediately. She recognized the melody, a very different version of the original song, but surprisingly more beautiful in this soft and slow manner.

Lena finally arrived out of the crowd, opened the door and felt the fresh air of the night. But she didn't go any further, she froze on the spot and immediately recognized the voice that began to sing.

_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you_

_Or tell you that_

_But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it_

_Where's the sense in that?_

_I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder_

_Or return to where we were_

Kara inhaled with difficulty before starting the chorus. Her fingers played the melody perfectly, but that was all that kept them from shaking. Under the lights projected towards her, under everyone's gaze, her heart was beating so fast.

_I will go down with this ship_

_And I won't put my hands up and surrender_

_There will be no white flag above my door_

_I'm in love and always will be_

Lena closed the door and turned around. She tiptoed to get a glimpse of Kara, but it was a waste of time, she was too far away and it was too crowded. 

_I know I left too much mess and_

_Destruction to come back again_

_And I caused nothing but trouble_

_I understand if you can't talk to me again_

_And if you live by the rules of it's over_

_Then I'm sure that that makes sense_

Lena passed between the people who were now all still and silent. She felt her heart beating faster and faster and stronger. A kind of sense of emergency was pulling her towards the stage. She had to get to her. 

Like that moment spent at the piano together in the castle, Kara had chosen a song that was almost too well suited to them. 

_I will go down with this ship_

_And I won't put my hands up and surrender_

_There will be no white flag above my door_

_I'm in love and always will be_

Kara closed her eyes, feeling the emotion grab her by the throat, threatening to stop her from finishing her song. For she was having that proper goodbye she had asked Lena for. 

But she was having that goodbye without Lena, for once again she had left her. 

Kara sniffed.

_And when we meet_

_Which I'm sure we will_

_All that was there_

_Will be there still_

_I'll let it pass_

_And hold my tongue_

_And you will think_

_That I've moved on_

Lena finally arrived at the front of the stage. The captivated people, almost hypnotized by the voice and all the emotion she was transmitting, easily let themselves be passed by without protest.

_I will go down with this ship_

_And I won't put my hands up and surrender_

_There will be no white flag above my door_

_I'm in love and always will be_

From so close, Lena saw her, with her eyes still closed, a tear streaming down Kara's cheek.

_I will go down with this ship_

_And I won't put my hands up and surrender_

_There will be no white flag above my door_

_I'm in love and always will be_

Kara played the last notes, then there was a long silence. 

She opened her eyes and took a shaky breath as she stood up. Her gaze found Lena's, and she froze on the stage. The owner joined her as an outcry of applause and whistling sounded, almost shaking the pub. 

But at that very moment, when their eyes finally met again, it was as if Kara's wish had come true. Time stood still, there was no one left in the pub but them alone.

* * *

The curtains of the small inn bedroom were drawn, letting in the rays of the moon. The only light in all the darkness that embraced them both.

Lena was looking outside of the small window, up at the night sky, when she felt Kara wrapping her arms around her from behind and resting her head on her shoulder.

"I should not be here," Lena said.

"Me neither."

Indeed, Kara was in Ireland only by a strange twist of fate. What were the odds? And yet she was there, with Lena, even though she shouldn’t have been. 

Kara put her hands on Lena's hips, making her turn towards her. "Just for tonight, let's pretend nothing went wrong, nothing happened. Let's forget and forgive just for a little while."

Lena caressed her cheek. There was something ironic about hearing Kara make a request like this. It was as if the roles had been reversed. Because six months earlier, in O'Flattery, Lena had asked her the same thing. Not to talk about what she had seen during their connection through the creature's bite. And Kara had accepted, so Lena would too. For tonight.

Lena nodded in response. Kara’s eyes became teary, as if she couldn't believe it. And yet.

She pulled on Lena's hips, bringing her closer, and then placed her lips on hers.

Lena closed her eyes immediately, feeling that kiss all over her body. The kiss was fearful and hesitant at first. Lena took Kara’s face in her hands, let go, kissed her back, tenderly.

All this had nothing to do with the last intimate moment they had shared. There was no more brutality, no more hatred and pain. 

They embraced each other, taking all the time in the world, savoring every second. Lena ran her fingers over the back of Kara's head, burying them in her curly-tipped blonde hair. Kara moved her hands down Lena’s lower back, bringing her closer. This kiss, soft at first, became more and more passionate.

Lena stepped back to change the angle of their kiss. With the tip of her tongue she caressed the blonde's lips. Kara bit her lips for a brief moment before opening her mouth, allowing entry. Lena pressed her tongue on hers, which made the blonde release a muffled groan. 

This intoxicating sound reached Lena and she let herself be filled by it, resonating to the depths of herself. For the first time in a long time, she felt the warmth take hold of her, awakening and beginning to consume her. The freezing cold of the water in the tank had done its time, and was slowly leaving her.

Their mouths were constantly in motion, never getting tired of each other's. But it wasn't enough, not after all this absence, all the time they had kept their distance for the last six months. 

Lena guided her to the foot of the bed and sat her down, taking the reins. She knew that Kara wouldn’t speak up if she was in pain, so Lena had to take all the necessary precautions, to ensure not to strain her injuries. 

Positioned in front of her, Lena went to stand between her legs, took her face in her hands, and placed a short kiss on top of her head.

Kara leaned her forehead against her belly taking a deep breath and then ran her fingers over Lena’s back, slipping under her wool sweater. The touch of skin gave both women goosebumps. The blonde raised her head to fix her beautiful green eyes. Her thumbs went forward over Lena’s hips and then up, taking with them the sweater that was blocking the view so desired. Lena helped her, finished removing the sweater and dropped it to the ground. 

Lena took Kara's hands in hers, kissed her fingertips before raising them in the air. Then she knelt down, and with the utmost delicacy, unbuttoned her shirt and put it behind her shoulders. Lena saw the bandage still around her ribs, her skin purplish by the car accident. She approached, slipped her hands to Kara’s back, passing to her bra, which she detached with her thumb and index finger, and offered herself a magnificent view.

Lena leaned forward, began to lay short kisses on all the parts of bare skin finally revealed. With her fingertips, she outlined the edges of the bandages, breathing waves of shivers into Kara. She took one of her breasts in her palm, passed her tongue on it and kissed it with tenderness. As she moved to the other, she felt it rise in the air colder than her breath. 

Soon, their pants, sweater and shirt both were a pile on the floor. Lena moved over Kara, who straightened up as she approached. 

"Not on top of me, stay here, in front of me, I want to look at you" Kara whispered, stroking her beautiful dark hair.

Lena nodded her head and Kara took off the black bra which was covering what she desperately wanted to see again.

Kara sighed when her breasts were finally visible. She looked at them for a short moment before sliding her tongue over her nipples. Lena tilted her head backwards as the sensation echoed down between her thighs.

Kara’s hands moved down to her lower back and wandered to her panties. She shifted Lena to her side so she could take them off. And then Lena soon did the same for her. And in a blink of an eye, they were skin to skin, as close as it is possible to get, at least almost. 

Sitting in the middle of the bed, their legs wrapped around each other's bodies, they resumed those kisses that had been interrupted for too long. Their hands traced along the scars and spots, connecting them in constellations on their skin even more magnificent than the ones in the sky. Shivers rippled across their exposed skin, created by the caresses of the tips of their fingernails and the screaming anticipation at the bottom of their bellies.

Lena placed her hand on one of Kara's breasts, stroked the curve with her thumb and held it more firmly as the desire became more and more impatient. Kara took Lena’s other hand in hers, holding it for a moment and then continuing to guide it down her body to where she had craved it for so long.

The blonde broke away from their kiss when she felt Lena's fingers inside her. Without any resistance, the simple touches from Lena had already created an intense need, an intense wetness at her center.

Lena moaned with pleasure as she realized how wet Kara was for her. She, too, couldn’t take it anymore and longed for Kara’s touch, for Kara’s fingers inside of her.

"Take me, please," Lena said, biting her lower lip.

  
Kara was overcome by a flood of pleasure when she heard her say those words.

Breathlessly, Kara grabbed Lena's hair and pulled it towards her, kissing her with passion. With her other hand, she stroked her along her thigh and then put her hand where Lena wanted it so badly. 

Her fingers slipped between her folds, also very wet. When Lena let out a small, passionate, moan against her lips Kara slipped her tongue back into the woman's mouth.  
The blonde circled Lena’s clit for a moment before she slid her fingers inside of her. 

Lena stopped kissing her, let her head go to the side, heavily breathing now. Kara's fingers went on and on, adding pleasure with each movement back and forth. Both their rhythms synchronized. Their fingers both made each other's hips rock. 

The air in the room seemed to have vanished. Each one could barely catch it as sweat began to form on their skin. 

Lena grabbed her by her long blonde hair, carefully but with passion, bringing her face closer to her own. Their foreheads touched at an angle, the tip of their noses brushed against each other. They breathed heavily, their lips close together without touching each other. Lena put her thumb at the bottom of her mouth and Kara caressed it with the tip of her tongue. The contact went all the way through her, adding to the pleasure worked below. Lena lifted her chin as their breaths became louder and heavier.

"Come with me, toge..." Lena could not finish her last word, the feeling inside of her building up, closer to reaching its high.

"Together." Kara completed between two groans of pleasure.

The blue melted into the green. They stared intensely, saw their pupils flickering and dilated under the excitement at its peak. Lingering the moment, waiting for each other, they bent down, following the fingers that tortured them more and more. And with the same sigh, they let go. 

Their bodies arched with the wave that submerged them in each other, they finally came together, at last.

They remained motionless, embraced and still trembling. A few jolts still made them tremble as they kissed each other again. Then they took each other in their arms, hugged in all this flow of endorphin that filled them. Breathlessly they laid on the bed, searching together for the air they were still missing.

The faint rays of the moon lit up their shiny skins in sweat. They gazed up at the ceiling with wallpaper that had been stripped off in places, breathing heavily.

Kara lifted Lena's right arm, passed it behind her neck as she put her head on her chest. She placed her hand on her belly, listened to Lena's rapid heartbeat, smiled and closed her eyes.

Lena pressed her cheek on top of Kara's head, stroked her back with her fingernails. After a few minutes Lena felt that Kara’s breaths were slow and deep. She had fallen asleep.

Almost an hour passed and Lena could not sleep. They had pretended that everything was going well and Kara had really believed it, had let herself be happy, not caring that their end was near. 

Lena gently stroked her hair, looking up at the moon that was descending into the sky. The words of the florist were spinning in her head: "It' not because you can't, it's because you wont."

Slowly, she pulled her arm out from under Kara, got up from the bed and picked up her clothes lying on the ground one by one. Lena put her clothes back on as she watched Kara sleep, so peaceful, it almost looked like she was smiling. She seemed happy.

But Lena knew, she knew it wouldn’t last because Kara would wake up alone and once she woke up, the hard reality would hit her like a punch into the stomach.

She was about to leave the room when she saw them, on the desk in front of the window, all of Kara's letters. Lena hesitated, then picked them all up and took them with her.

In the door frame, she looked one last time at Kara and in a sigh, Lena left this room, this haven of stolen time, this darkness where they had loved each other against all odds, united to better part afterwards.

  
  


"Goodbye Kara."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, sorry for this so huge delay since the previous one. 
> 
> This chapter was meant to be the last one, but since it was way too long, I’ve decided to cut it in two. The second half of it, will be posted in a week or so.
> 
> Also a special thank you to my beta Kalea, who not only corrected and proofread the whole chapter, but also helped me A LOT during the brainstorming and writing of some dialogues. This chapter is not only mine, it is ours. Thanks love!

  
  


Lena had left Kara's room, her arms full of all the letters that she had never had the courage to open, that she had tried to forget, as she had done so many times with all the contents of her little boxes. 

She had walked to the beach, to the place where Mika had been washed ashore, where a few hours before, Kara had stood beside her. Lena pressed the letters close to her chest as she heard Kara’s voice echoing in her head.

"I came from six months of crying myself to sleep thinking of that decision I made, of being nothing and no one and alone and of hating myself enough to jump off a cliff."

Lena was trying to focus on the sound of the ocean, on the sound of the waves coming closer and closer to her feet. “Get out of my head.” She whispered firmly, hoping to silence the voice in her ear, as her eyes filled with tears. 

She had closed the door of the inn room and said one last goodbye. And yet she was here, thinking of Kara, doubting herself. 

Lena closed her eyes, letting the letters fall to her feet as she held her head in her hands, as she saw herself back in Kara's arms, staring into her blue eyes as she let go, giving herself to her once more, skin to skin, in the darkness of the night, as only they knew how. Together.

Lena burst into tears as she fell to her knees among the letters. She was in so much pain. A deep, sharp pain, as old as it was new. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she took an envelope but could not make herself open it. 

Lena had made a promise to herself, to learn from her mistakes, to not let herself be hurt anymore, to love herself enough to choose herself first. And for these reasons, she was not going to let her come back, she could not let Kara find her way back to her heart once again. For she could only break it. Again.

"Let me let you go," she said squeezing the letter.

But there was still the melody of Iris resonating in her head, that beautiful blue sea in Kara’s eyes, that smile, that poppy field. 

But there was also the cold water of the pool, an incomplete chess game and Lex's words. "Do you know what happens to dogs that go too far with the end of their rope?"

Lena slapped her face as she closed her eyes, as the tide found her just like it had found Mika. 

If only the tide could take it all away, erase everything.

Why was it so difficult? Lena asked herself, finally opening her eyes. 

Part of her knew the answer, but she didn't whisper loud enough to cover up all the other voices in her head, all the others who were screaming at each other, all the others who were telling her not to be weak, not to be a fool, not to forget, not to forgive.

Lena felt something hit her legs. She looked down and sighed, realizing in an instant that her worries were far from over. 

* * *

With her eyes closed, barely awake, Kara let her hand slide on the sheets to the side where Lena should have been. However, her hand only found a cold pillow, an empty place.

Kara sat up in the bed, breathing quickly. "Lena?"

Nothing.

Kara brought her legs back to her body, wrapping her arms around them. "You're gone," she whispered, pressing her forehead against her knees.

And that was the end. That proper goodbye. Lena had agreed to act as if nothing had happened for one evening, and she had done so. And that moment, beautiful as it was, had come to an end. Now Kara was alone, now it was time to keep her promise. She had to leave. 

Outside the sky was barely turning blue, but there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. The longer she waited, the harder it would be for her to leave, for good this time.

In the process of packing up all of her things, her clothes and all of the evidence she had gathered, Kara's eyes wandered to the drawer next to the door. Where the letters used to be. As soon as the blonde noticed the empty space, her eyes filled with tears and she began crying. Lena had taken them. 

How could Lena have been here a few hours before, as close to her as two lovers can be, and now be gone, as if she had never been here at all. 

With her luggage packed, Kara went to the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Red eyes, dark circles, drawn features, but above all, that look. Empty. The same look she had had for the last six months, except perhaps for the last few days, those spent with Lena, those stolen from mourning and time, those that were over now.

She turned on the tap and it made a horrible noise. The hot water finally flowed and she passed it over her face, closed her eyes and enjoyed the almost soothing sensation. 

The noise intensified and without her turning the tap off, the water stopped by itself.

* * *

Back at the cottage, Lena had put away the letters upstairs. There were so many of them.

She was alone here, but in truth, solitude was a luxury that the voices in her head rarely offered her. 

And so, with her brother in mind, she went to the living room, prepared the chess game, to once again try to find the outcome of this game. 

The pawns first, then the bishop to the right diagonal, the queen took the knight, the rook a pawn. A series of identical moves at first, until the station alarm rang in Lena's memory. And at that moment, Lex's voice reached her. To tell her how she had always been a disgrace to their name, how pathetic and insignificant she was. A stupid bitch that he had always held in his lap. A fool.

Lena was holding the black queen in her hand, above the game, not knowing where to put her against her whites. "What would you have done," she whispered, staring at the game.

She closed her eyes, wrapped her fingers around the queen, squeezed tightly, and then let her fall, screaming in frustration.

Lena didn't know, had never known. She had tried, again and again. Alone, with Liam, she had never been able to put together a game worthy of Lex. 

"Maybe some questions are meant to remain unanswered," she said, trying to convince herself as she reopened her eyelids, seeing the black queen fallen on her side between the white pawns. 

Lena had a thought for young Mika, remembering what she had seen in the water. "But others can be answered." she said as she took out her cell phone. Reluctantly, she wrote to Kara:

_You cannot leave, not yet_

* * *

When Lena parked in front of the florist's, Kara was already there waiting for her. Sitting on the small stone wall along the paved street, she had her big suitcase at her feet.

"What are you doing with that?" Lena asked as she stepped out of the Riley Elf, pointing to the luggage.

Kara got down, smiled and rolled her suitcase over to the other side of the car, opened the door and without asking permission, stowed her luggage in the back of the car. "I can't stay at the hostel any longer, is there anywhere else I can stay nearby?"

Lena rubbed her eyebrows and sighed. "Come to the beach with me, there's something you need to see."

Kara simply nodded, seeing that already Lena was moving towards the harbor. Less than an hour earlier, she had received this short text message from Lena. Those few words had changed everything, literally everything. 

Because Kara was about to leave, for good. And now she was here, watching Lena walk by the fountain, her black hair waving in the morning air. Beautiful and distant, as always. 

  
  


Kara took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. She had read Lena's message in her room and cried as she realized what it meant, that she could stay,even only for a little bit, that it wasn't over yet. It was an unexpected chance. And she was going to do everything she could to honor it. 

Back on the pebbled shores, with the sound of the waves in the background, Lena and Kara walked once again to the place where Mika had been washed away. 

Lena took a deep breath of salty air and raised her arm to point in the direction of the dock that was under construction. "Do you see that over there?"

Kara turned her head and nodded in response.

"They are expanding the port. It's been going on for months." Lena sighed heavily. "To do so, they are cutting down the tall, century-old trees that were there. Then they cut them down to make lumber."

Lena walked a few steps towards the water, until she found herself at the edge of the waves brushing their foam at the end of her leather boots. "But sometimes logs fall down the cliff. And once in the water, they drift all the way down here." 

Kara passed her hand over her mouth. "How do you know that?"

Lena pointed to the top of the beach and Kara looked in the direction indicated, saw one of the logs she was referring to. "This morning I saw it floating on the shore, I rolled it over there so the tide wouldn't wash it away."

Kara walked towards the section of tree that had been cut down. "Are you really suggesting what I believe?"

Lena went to join Kara, running her hand through her hair shaking her head. "Only because the girl's mother is certain that she is still alive. Because they are linked by some genetic trait of their origins."

"Indeed, it is the certainty of knowing that she is still alive that should force us to consider all possible leads." Kara crouched down by the log and put her hand on it. "No matter how far-fetched they are." 

"I think Mika was almost unconscious when the tide came in and picked her up on the beach." Lena raised her eyebrows for a short moment, as if she couldn't believe herself what she was going to say. "And once in the water, she would have found herself near one of those sections of cut trees. She would have been able to hold on to it and avoid sinking to the bottom."

"Avoid drowning." Kara added.

"That's why you can't leave, not yet."

"And what about you? Do you want me to stay?"

The direct question took Lena by surprise and she didn't know what to answer, she only put her hand on her forehead. Some voices in her head were shouting one thing, a very small one whispered another. Which one to listen to?

"We have to follow this new track," Lena finally said in response.

She took her cell phone out of her pocket and looked at the tide schedule. Kara, disappointed with her answer, stood up and looked into the distance as the fishing boats returned and left the harbor. 

"We are lucky, we are about an hour away from the same tidal conditions as when Mika was swept away," said Lena as she put her phone away.

She went to stand behind the log, and with a good kick, made it tumble down on the stones. 

Kara watched it splash into the water. "You want to replicate its path, don't you?" 

Lena nodded her head as she reached the cut tree, pushing it further out to sea. "That's right. We're going to follow its drift. It won't be an exact science, but at least we'll have a good idea of where she might have ended up next."

They stood there for a moment, in silence, watching this piece of wood drift away, without saying anything, so close and yet so far from each other.

Then when the tree drifted out of the port waters, they left the beach, got back in Lena's tiny car and drove along the coast. 

Lena stared at the road, and Kara at the ocean, with her eyes locked on their target. "It's starting to get closer to the shore," said Kara, pointing into the distance.

Lena looked towards the water briefly and began to slow down. A few minutes later, they were back on the beach where the log had run aground. 

"We're in the right place," said Lena, pointing to the banks a little further on. "Look, there are more on the beach."

Kara simply nodded, her mind was elsewhere. She was trying to put herself in Mika's shoes. The blonde knelt down on the rocks, then got up as if she was disoriented. Lena looked at her attentively.

"She just spent a little less than an hour in the cold water, she's conscious but barely." Kara started walking slowly, looked to the right, then to the left. The beach spread far, left and right.

"Mika had already walked on the beach before reaching the harbor, before she was denied her request for help and was thrown down the fishing boat. No, she's tired of the beach, she won't go right or left," Kara continued, moving towards the hill covered with tall yellowish grass. 

"She's going straight," Lena replied, following Kara.

"That's what I think, yes." Kara stumbled to the top of the hill, her ribs still hurting painfully with every step. 

"Be careful where you put your feet." she sighed as Lena helped her reach the green-covered summit

Kara turned her head, crossed Lena's hard look. But when her gaze plunged into the blue, bluer than the sky or the sea, it softened. 

"Thank you," Kara said, poorly hiding a grimace of pain.

Lena wanted to ask her about her wounds, but did not. She also wanted to release Kara's arm quickly, but she didn't do that either. The brunette continued to stare at the blue for a while longer. To the sound of seagulls and waves.

"You're welcome."

Kara frowned, went to say something, but it was at that very moment that Lena walked away, reaching a road a few meters over the hill. 

"In the police report, the second one we got from Officer Patrick, it clearly states that the young junkie was the last one to see Mika," Lena began, staring at the asphalt, stirring small gravel with the heel of her boot. "If she reached this road, it means she didn't get very far." 

Kara walked to meet her, crossed the road, looked further and saw that the tall grass continued before reaching a forest. A car passed between them, making their blond and black hair fly through the air. 

"She didn't go far indeed," said Kara, taking up Lena's words, "There has been a search party in these woods and Mika wasn't there. And since no one else claims to have seen her..." The blonde turned to Lena who was already staring at her, sharing her thoughts. 

“She must have been picked up on the road,” Lena sighed.

Kara nodded her head, had no trouble imagining a defenseless Mika, barely standing on her legs, walking along the road, and then a car stopping next to her. 

"Go that way, I'll go the other way, maybe we'll find something," Kara said as she crossed the road again.

Lena passed her hand over her face, looking disconcerted. "It wouldn't do any good, Kara."

The blonde scowled. "Why do you say that? We're here, what have we got to lose by trying to..."

Lena raised her hand to interrupt Kara's words, walked to meet her and pointed to her ribs. "Firstly, because you still have difficulty moving around and you hide it very badly. Secondly, this road is close to the sea. There is no worse place to lose clues. The constant strong winds, even the rain. Believe me, there is nothing left here that is worth waiting for any longer." Lena raised an eyebrow and smiled in a corner. "At least for the moment."

Kara watched her turn her back and walk towards the Riley Elf parked further away. "What do you mean?" She asked, limping to follow Lena.

"Mika was here, we know that now. But she was here at a different time of the day, it was barely dawn," Lena said without turning around.

"Yes, but what else?"

"We will come back, but around those hours."

"Wait and see."

Lena got to the car and opened the door, watched Kara walk slowly and with difficulty. "Precisely. But until then, there's no point in staying here, is there?"

Kara opened the Riley's door. "You're right, I guess."

Lena smiled and shook her head, and then both of them boarded. In a muffled roar, they set out again in the opposite direction, passing the port and the village. Kara once again admired the beautiful landscape that passed before her eyes. Green pastures, sheep, large oaks and grayish waves as far as the eye could see. No need to wonder why Lena chose to come here. 

Kara emerged from her daydream only when she recognized the small path bordered by tall, overgrown vegetation on which Lena was leading them. Soon, an old red brick cottage appeared. 

The car came to a standstill and a heavy silence fell. Lena squeezed her hands firmly around the steering wheel before finally daring to speak. 

"The next inn is more than half an hour away from here." She took a deep breath. "Then it just makes sense that you're staying here instead."

  
  


Kara stared at her, trying to decipher everything that Lenas body language was telling her right now. The distressed tone of her voice for doubt, her hands clenched for dissatisfaction with herself, her desolate gaze staring off into the distance betraying her desire to have her close to her. 

Lena was torn, it was not difficult to see it.

"Thank you, it's really nice of you," Kara said with a tender smile.

Lena saw her from the corner of her eye and preferred to get out of the situation rather than adding anything. Nevertheless, Kara was not offended. She was here, at Lena's house. It was already a victory in itself. One more step. 

Despite the blonde's protests, Lena took care of unloading her luggage. The suitcase had seemed heavy to her when she had seen it earlier in the village, and there was no way Kara would interfere with the recovery from her accident by pushing too hard. No. 

"Thank you, again..." Kara said as she closed the old, squeaky cottage door behind Lena. 

"You're welcome. I'll take your stuff upstairs." She said, already climbing the narrow, steep staircase. 

Kara didn't immediately follow her, just stood there at the entrance, watching what she could see. Because the last time she had been here was at night, and she hadn't taken the time to look around at all. Her gaze had only been on Lena and nothing else.

Kara felt her throat closing as she remembered that night, how Lena had pinned her against the wall to stop her from saying the words she wanted to say, that she loved her, that she was sorry, or even from crying in front of her. Then that moment of intimacy, at least if it could be called that. So brutal. And ultimately, Lena having a panic attack, resulting with the two of them embracing to the sound of Kara's voice humming this song, their song. 

The cottage was really small. Kara took a few steps, looked to the right, saw the kitchen with its worn wooden table, its faded handmade carpets. Behind it, a sort of canopy, a small room with windows overlooking the back garden. This is where the piano had been placed. All around, shelves full of books. Potted plants, cut flowers from the flowerbeds surrounding the small house. 

Kara moved back and looked to the left, there was a living room with a long dark green velvet couch along a large window. There was an armchair by the brick fireplace and on a coffee table, a chess set. Less than a year earlier, Kara would never have associated this setting, in any way, with Lena. She was the one to have a huge penthouse of marble and glass. Grey walls, cold white floors. Here it was completely the opposite.

Upstairs, the sound of a zipper, that of Kara's suitcase, resounds. The blonde resigned herself to cease her contemplation, to climb the stairs. Every step she took cracked under her own weight.

"Why are your bags wet," Lena asked as she opened the soggy suitcase. 

Kara smiled in the corner. "Plumbing broke. The water pipe cracked in the ceiling of my room and then..." She pointed to the partially wet contents of her suitcase. "and then voilà, let's just say the inn is closed for repairs now."

"That's an understatement," said Lena as she pulled out a pair of jeans darkened by the water in them. 

She unfolded them and put them on the ramp around the stairs to dry. Kara watched her do it again with the few other sweaters and shirts that were just as wet. The blonde then began to do as she had done on the first floor. She looked all around, continuing to discover what Lena's haven was today, her hiding place.

There was a bathroom at the end of the corridor with a cast-iron bathtub. On the right was a sort of office where several half-empty boxes were located, and finally, the bedroom. The one she had only seen at night, under the rays of the moon, in that painful moment of intimacy ending with her having to leave. She left the cottage after Lena confessed that she could no longer have her in her life. That it was all over. 

Kara smiled with a sigh, for she was here right now, by day, seeing this room from a completely different angle. Several times she had thought that it was the end for her and Lena, but each time something had brought them back to each other. That bond through the identical bite they shared, her accident, those floating pieces of wood. 

  
  


She had the chance to make something out of this reprieve. 

"How come you have this?" 

Kara turned, only to find Lena staring at her, her hands holding her own sweater in the air. 

The blonde blushed, the memory of the nights spent breathing and crying in that piece of clothing coming back to her. It represented the mourning and pain of having lost someone so precious to her, Lena.

Kara looked down for a short moment, embarrassed. Then she forced herself to remember that simple truth: she had nothing left to lose. Indeed, she shouldn't even be here, should have left Ireland already, if not for all the inexplicable reasons that had kept her here. 

"It's your sweater," she answered shyly, still looking at the floor.

"I know it is, what I wonder is why you have it in your possession, and above all why you have brought it here with you.

Kara looked up, and dared to hold the piercing green look on her face. "I took it from your house after..." She couldn't say it: after your death. "I took it because it still had the smell of you." 

Lena's hard look changed when she heard this, softened and even became sad. 

"I spent whole nights just holding it against me, breathing in it, because it was the closest thing I had to a real memory of you. It was..."

Kara paused as her voice began to betray her. Lena clutched her fingers in the sweater and lowered her arms.

"It was all I had left of you." Kara ended by looking away, not wanting to cry, not yet. 

She turned her back on Lena, saw farther away on an old wooden table, all her letters. Kara took a few steps in their direction, touched them with her fingertips, only to realize that they were still all unread.

  
  


"Why did you take them with you? Are you finally thinking about reading them," Kara asked quietly.

The blonde was staring at the white envelopes. She heard the floor creaking, Lena approaching and coming to stand close to her on her right.

"I don't know yet."

Kara turned her head towards Lena, meeting her beautiful green eyes again. They were soft now. A thought crossed Kara's mind as she saw that Lena still had the sweater in her hand. A thought that she didn't hold back, repeating over and over in her mind that she really had nothing left to lose.

"Would you please wear it?"

Lena raised an eyebrow, taken aback by this question. " Now?"

Kara nodded.

"Okay," she said as she put the clothing on over her patterned shirt. 

Kara took a step back, looked up and down at her and smiled shyly. "Thank you," 

Lena raised her arms and looked at herself too, she hadn't worn it for ages, had almost forgotten it existed, it came from an old life, one in National City. That was a few months ago, but it felt like a decade. 

A kind of muffled gurgling sounded and they both jumped. 

Kara put one hand on her belly. "It's coming from me, I think." 

Lena smiled. "You're hungry. Come on, follow me, I'll cook us something." 

They went to the kitchen and Lena started taking things out of the refrigerator, a pot and a pan. 

"Seafood chowder, how about it?"

Kara met her at the island, grabbing the cutting board and the knife that the brunette had just pulled out. "Of course, how can I help?"

Lena pointed to the onions, mushrooms and celery on the counter. "You can cut all that up, I'll go to the garden to get what's missing."

Kara nodded her head and watched as she walked away to the canopy, out into the garden and quickly disappeared into the vegetation. Indeed, it was a different Lena living here now. One who had a vegetable and herb garden, one who had made a new life for herself, far from everything that had been a Luthor.

A little less than an hour later, a smell of fish, cream and roasted vegetables filled the cottage. As Lena finished setting the table, Kara walked into the living room, her gaze once again on the chess game.

At the sound of Lena cutting bread now, Kara leaned over the small table, brushing against the pieces of the game. They were in position, as if one had stopped in the middle of a game.

"Who did you play with last?" 

Lena stood by the table, the bread basket in her hand hanging in the air. She swallowed with difficulty, blinking quickly to bring herself back to the present moment, to avoid letting the memory come back, as it did too often.

"With my brother," she murmured as she put the basket on the table.

Kara quickly withdrew her hand, as if she unconsciously feared that Lex could reach her through the black pieces. 

"But Lex is..." Kara paused, placed her hand over her mouth, regretting having started that sentence.

She turned around, crossed Lena's gaze, her eyebrows furrowed. "Food is served" she said, sitting down in front of one of the two steaming bowls.

Kara walked quickly and joined her at the table. "It smells really good."

Lena didn't answer, helped herself to a glass of wine and leaned back on her chair, watching Kara begin to eat, blowing on every spoonful. 

"Why did you want me to wear this?"

Kara swallowed crookedly and coughed for a moment into her fist. She took a sip of water and watched Lena drink her white. "It's so that it will keep your smell... for when I am... forced to leave."

It was Lena's turn to cough a little, although much better concealed than the blonde's. She put down her glass and took some chowder. "What will you do when you leave here?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

"Really, wouldn't you go home?"

Kara raised her eyebrows, put down her spoon, sighed. The choice of the word "home" hadn't caught up with her, as if it had lost its meaning today. "You mean National City? No, I don't think so, no. Nothing's the same there anymore."

Lena noticed the change in tone in the blonde's voice. "What do you mean?"

Kara ran her hand through her hair. "Apart from the obvious reasons, that I'm not Supergirl anymore, that there is no more Luthor, time has passed, people have forgotten or just moved on."

Kara stared at her half-eaten bowl, realizing what she had just said out loud.

"No more heroes or villains in National City then?" Lena said with a fake smile.

"We can say it like that," replied the blonde, who didn't think it was funny at all.

Lena swallowed her cup and poured a second one. The look on Kara's face was hard to read. A mixture of nostalgia and sadness, but also uncertainty and anger. "So where will you go, if not back home?"

Kara took a deep breath and looked around. "Somewhere a bit like here, I think. I haven't been here very long, but I realize that I really appreciate this kind of life."

"The peace and quiet of the coast."

"Yes, the salty air, the sea, but above all the way of life of the villages. Here nothing happens, I mean that life goes slowly, takes its time. It's very different from what I've always known as ... what I've known before." the blonde ended the sentence, her last words having been said in almost a whisper. 

"I understand," Lena said softly, smiling sincerely this time.

"I wish I could find some kind of haven like you did here. Somewhere to go and maybe start all over again. Try to forget."

Forget. Start over. Lena knew exactly what Kara meant. Knew what that need was, felt it when she came here.

After that, neither of them said anything. The rest of the meal took place in silence. When the chowder bowls were empty, when half the bottle of wine was drunk and the bread was devoured by Kara, Lena insisted on clearing the table alone, indicating that Kara was her guest. 

This courtesy was as gentle as it was tinged with Lena's unconscious need to constantly remind Kara that she was just visiting, that this was not her place, that she could not stay here. That she was only a guest. 

While Lena tidied up and started the dishes, Kara went to the canopy and opened the piano lid. She sat down on the padded bench, looked at the scores left on the music rack. There were Ludovico Einaudi, Alexandre Desplats and Yann Tiersen. And completely behind, crumpled, yellowed, Iris.

Kara put it back in front of all the others, then began to play slowly with one hand. At that moment, Lena felt her heart miss a beat. Her eyes wide open, her hands clenched on the cup she had to clean.

She left the kitchen and went to the canopy as well. 

"Stop, please."

The blonde looked up at her. "Why?" she said.

"You know very well why."

Kara still looked her straight in the eyes, but continued to play. Then Lena came closer and lowered the lid on the piano keys. But as the lid reached the blonde's fingers, she held it in place.

"Wait, Lena."

The brunette closed her eyes while shaking her head.

"This song is still in my head, and there's nothing I can do about it. And it reminds me of that night in the castle. The first time that..." Kara began.

"Stop." Behind her closed eyelids, Lena saw herself again at the castle, spending her days and nights holding the score in her arms, crying as she remembered the song.

Lena felt Kara's hand resting on hers and taking it. She opened her eyes again and saw that beautiful blue look, that warm and tender smile. 

"What if you let me go on for once," said the blonde, bringing Lena's hand back to her, guiding her to sit beside her on the padded bench. 

Kara cleared her throat and Lena gently placed her long pale fingers on the keys and started.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

Without consulting each other, both of them interpreted the song in a slower, more sentimental way. Kara sang almost in a low voice, as if all this was their secret. They took their time, as if to stretch each verse, to enjoy each note, to forget where and when. To be focused only on the now and all that this song had as an effect on both of them. The evolving meaning of the lyrics between them, as if this song grew with them, without ever losing its meaning.

When the song ended, a kind of silence settled in. A silence still charged with the echo of the last notes and lyrics, a nostalgic echo. 

"Thank you for letting me go on," Kara whispered, turning her head towards Lena.

They were sitting very close to each other, and at that moment their faces were only a few inches apart. They could hear each other breathing. 

Lena could see her from the corner of her eye, knowing that she had turned to look at her. Nevertheless, she did not dare to do the same. It was too risky and her heart was already beating too fast.

"You're welcome," she replied, closing the lid over the keys.

At the same time, they rose up. Kara went to the kitchen, but Lena lingered there again for a while. She was staring at the score. Without realizing it, her hand reached for it, to reproduce what she had been doing for hours and hours. Holding it against her chest.

"Have you got any coffee?" 

Kara's voice from the kitchen took Lena out of her head. "Right there, over the sink."

A cup of coffee with milk for Kara, lemon tea for Lena, they went to the living room. 

"Can we play chess," Kara asked, sitting on the floor by the fireplace.

Lena went to the armchair and put down her tea. "You have to know how to play for that."

Kara looked falsely offended. "We played together the other day at the cafe."

"Exactly." Lena smiled.

Kara laughed and Lena found it so beautiful. She herself was surprised to smile broadly at the joyful and naive sound. This was the Kara she had known. Before all this.

"I'll show you. But let's start by putting the pieces back together, I'll leave the whites for you."

The moments that followed were as if nothing had happened. As if no drama had ever shaken them, no torture or drowning in the depths of this underwater station. No bites from tentacled creatures, no bad boogeyman memories. 

There were simply these two women, who had once been friends, then best friends, and finally lovers. At that point there was no label on what they were to each other. There was only this newfound complicity. 

Lena tried her best to teach her the basic rudiments and movement strategies of each piece. But with every new game they played, Kara found a way to change the rules she thought were stupid. To complain when one piece was being taken from her, to always try to win by using only the pawns she found easier to move. 

And that made Lena laugh, yes, laugh. Kara may have found a way to hurt her like nobody else, but she was also the one who could bring joy back into her life. It was something that only she could do. But Lena didn't think about it, she didn't want to see it, she couldn't see it. Not yet.

"This is nice," Kara said as she finished her cold coffee.

"I think so too."

"All this is so simple, so beautiful as well."

Lena looked down with a smile, putting away the chess set. Kara looked at the bottom of her cup, pursed her lips and let her next words go.

"Life could be as good as that, you know... together."

The smile on Lena's lips disappeared. She clenched her teeth and frowned. "Maybe." she said in a low voice.

The rest of the afternoon passed without either of them saying anything more. That "maybe" had opened a door, putting doubts to rest. 

They had gone for a walk along the wheat fields, had watched the sheep in the distance, had breathed in the fresh air, watched the wind making the tall grass undulate. And when the rain started falling, they returned to the cottage.

Kara had taken a long bath and then went to join Lena in the canopy, listening to her play the piano to the sound of the rain pounding on the windows. They read in the living room, had another tea and a light supper, and since they had to get up very early to watch the road near the beach, Lena put sheets and pillows on the living room couch for Kara.

And all that beautiful afternoon spent in silence and simplicity had come to an end. A sample of what a life for two here, far from everything and everyone, could be like. Just them alone. Together but not quite together. A kind of distance persisted, a restraint on Lena's part, a reluctance to allow any physical contact. 

Kara had taken her hand before they played Iris, and that had been the only closeness of the day. 

"Good night, Kara," said Lena as she watched her take her place on the couch.

The blonde brought the blankets up on her legs and leaned back against the armrest. "Good night, sleep well Lena." 

Kara watched her turn off the lights and walk up the stairs. She wasn't sleepy at all, so she preferred to sit there, watching the rain fall through the big window.

An hour passed, and Kara could not sleep. The rain had turned a violent storm. The strong winds were bending the trees, their leaves were being blown away. The thunder resounded, shaking the surroundings. A few seconds later, a flash of lightning split the sky, tinting it white for a short while. Then a few small "beeps" sounded throughout the house, a sign that the electricity had just run out.

The thunder and lightning continued, as the storm intensified and approached. The stairs cracked, betraying Lena's approach.

"You are not asleep either, then."

"No, I'm watching the storm, would you like to join me?"

Lena simply nodded her head and climbed onto the sofa. Kara pulled up the blankets and covered her.

"Thank you," Lena said, and pulled the end of the sheet up to her shoulders.

"I've always liked to watch the storms, I think there's something beautiful about all this unleashed power," Kara said as she brought her legs up against her chest.

Lena clutched her fingers to the sheet and shook her head as another thunderclap sounded. 

"Not you, I see," the blonde added.

"No, I hate that. In fact, I've always been afraid of it, to be honest. All that loud noise, that sudden blinding light. No, I don't like anything in thunderstorms." Lena curled up on herself. "I remember those nights at the mansion, when it became completely dark, when the electricity ran out and my little light shut off. The feeling at that moment... I was so scared alone."

Kara looked away from the window, looked at Lena, huddled under the sheet, as if she was trying to disappear under it. "I'm here, all right."

Lena looked up at Kara. "We should probably try to get some sleep now, we must get up early."

Kara nodded her head, this last answer was a classic Lena response, avoid the subject, end the discussion. "You're probably right."

Lena got up and went to the bottom of the stairs. "Goodnight again Kara."

Kara watched her walk away, and their eyes met. "Lena, just remember, you are not in that mansion anymore, the storm doesn't have to be scary."

"I know," Lena replied. Then she went up a few steps and stopped, closed her eyes and hesitated, and finally dared. "Could you just... sleep next to me... please."

Kara couldn't see her anymore because she was halfway between upstairs and downstairs. But this last sentence, this last word, this "please" had reached her heart. There was so much vulnerability in this request. It was as if the fearful little Lena of the Luthor mansion had finally found someone with whom she would be less afraid to face the night and its storms. 

"Always." Kara whispered.

She went to join Lena and, without asking her, she took her hand. The brunette didn't object, didn't say a word, just guided her to her room. Upstairs, the sound of raindrops was even louder, as they fell heavily on the tin roof, making the house resound. 

They climbed onto the bed and slid under the covers. Each one lay down on her side so that they were facing each other. 

Another lightning bolt sliced through the sky and for a second Kara could see the green of Lena's eyes, the fright in her beautiful pupils.

"It's okay, I'm here," she said as she took her hand out from under the covers, approaching it to caress Lena's black hair.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head forward as the thunder resounded again.

"Come here," Kara whispered as she opened her arms.

Lena, still with her eyes closed, huddled between her arms, resting her head on the blonde's chest. Kara embraced her, hugging her just hard enough to make her feel safe and protected.

Kara pressed her cheek on top of her head and in turn closed her eyes.

In silence, each let herself go to the comfort of the other's presence. The warmth of her skin, the smell of her hair.

At last, sleep came to find them both, bringing with it this very simple thought, the true meaning of home, that perhaps it wasn't a place, it was a person.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've already changed the total number of chapters in this fanfic several times. But this time it's true, it will indeed have 10 chapters. So this is the second to last one.
> 
> Also, a HUGE thank you to you my dearest Kalea. For being so dedicated and patient and talented in the way you have accompanied me in writing this story. You are essential to me now. 
> 
> For those of you who want to get into the mood, here is a play list that we both listened to over and over again during the writing, editing and proofreading. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvkfUCsiHOc&t=2317s&ab_channel=BLUME
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnrK3zxsKdA&ab_channel=BLUME

Lena stopped the car in the high grass near the forest. Just far enough away not to be seen, just close enough to be able to see the passing cars in detail.

Waking up had been difficult for both women, they had only been asleep for a short time, but what made it the hardest was the way they fit together so well. Almost too well for Lena’s taste. All of the cuddling and physical contact didn’t help and would only make it more difficult for her later on. 

They had finally come out of the heat of the sheets, dressed warmly and prepared to leave. Kara had taken too much food with her, while Lena had only a thermos full of steaming hot green tea.

The journey into the night was filled with silence, a comfortable silence, each one still remembering the moment of sleeping next to each other. And now they were there, hiding in front of the road along the beach. The storm had moved on, leaving a completely clear sky full of stars. It was truly beautiful.

"Let's go," Lena said, rubbing her eyes to chase away the still tenacious tiredness.

Kara took a notebook and a pen out of her bag, then moved her legs up on the seat, ready to write down everything she would see. "Now all we have to do is wait."

And so they did. For the first three hours, they sat there, half asleep, without saying anything. Except to point out the little information they gathered. Only two cars passed by, and they were rented, judging by the license plate numbers. Certainly tourists coming back from a pub after a long drunken evening. 

There was no more green tea left now and Kara had almost eaten all of the provisions she had brought with her. 

"Do you really think we're going to find anything here," Kara sighed.

Lena stretched her back, feeling achy from sitting in the tiny car for so long. "I don't know, but I really don't see what else we can do."

Kara sighed as she ran her hand through her hair, visibly annoyed by the failed hideout.

It wasn’t at all how she had imagined it, not like in one of her Nancy Drew novels or like the ones on tv. 

Until then, Lena had never been the one to want to start a conversation, always fearing where it would lead them. She avoided, ran away. But Kara had said something before dinner, leaving one sentence unspoken. And the brunette couldn't get it out of her head. 

To know, however, she would have to dare to ask, to awaken her need to know that she was trying to keep under control. Because when she was losing it, she would find herself obsessed like with her chess game with Lex, spiraling in her head, relentlessly searching for answers to questions that didn't have any. Hurting herself. 

"But Lex is," Lena ended up saying.

"What?" Kara asked, slightly startled by Lenas sudden words. It was not that she didn't understand, no, on the contrary, she wished Lena hadn't heard it the first time.

"Don't look at me with that surprised face, you know what I'm talking about, Kara. You're the one who said that when I told you the last game of chess I played was with my brother.."

"I... you really want to talk about that?"

"I do."

"Right here, right now?"

"Do we really have something better to do?" Lena gestured at the empty road in front of them.

Kara swallowed with difficulty, this stakeout had just taken a whole new turn. Until now, Kara hadn’t noticed how little room there was in the car. It was tiny. 

But after Lena's question, she began to feel trapped, locked in. 

"Tell me what you meant, Kara."

"What we both know, that Lex is dead," Kara said in a hesitant voice. 

"We know that, you and I?"

"Yes... I mean ..." Kara paused and rubbed her eyebrows. "The search went on forever and nothing was found from the wreck, it sank too deep in the ocean, no one could have survived." 

"But you and I are here, aren't we? So I repeat my question, how come you claim we know that Lex is dead? I don't have a clue? What do you know that you're not telling me, Kara?"

The blonde felt her throat close up, felt her heart beat faster, the walls of the tiny car closing around her like a cage.

Seeing that Kara wasn’t going to say anything, Lena continued: "Even you, I wonder, how could you survive my brother's dreadful little game if I died in it? I can't imagine he just let you live."

"I don't know," said the blonde between whistling breaths.

"Yes, you do know."

Kara got up on her seat, put her hand on the door. Images came to the surface.

She could see herself in the harbor waters near the fishing boats. She could see herself emerging from below the surface, seeing the orange lifeboat with Alex reaching out her hand.

"I just made it through, that's all," Kara said painfully, the images appeared faster and faster before her eyes.

Lena laughed falsely. “No, I won’t accept that. How did you get out of there unharmed? While I died in that tank, for nothing but his cruel pleasure.”

Kara suddenly turned around, looked into her eyes, clenching her teeth. “Unharmed?” she whispered. 

Lena held up her menacing gaze, noticing Kara had a very difficult time talking about what happened that day. Noticing that the blonde was even suffering from it. But she didn’t care anymore at this point. She had dreaded this moment. She had lost control, lost control over the voices in her head, asking the same question over and over again. What happened? The need to know had taken over her and so Lena no longer cared how she would find out, if she would hurt Kara in the process. Nothing mattered, only knowing. Knowing was all that mattered now.

"Tell me what happened in that underwater station, Kara. Tell me now."

The blonde's gaze changed as other memories came back to her. The sound of the alarm, the walls and the metal floor shaking under the impact of a violent shock, red lights flickering in the dark. Her and Alex in the hallways searching for a way out.

And another memory, very clear, overwhelmed her, the warmth of the blood, the pain in her belly. Kara closed her eyes and uttered a muffled groan as the bite on her arm sent a kind of electric shock throughout her body.

Lena held her forearm as she experienced the same sharp pain in her wound.

And with that pain, she saw a brief image, Kara covered in blood, lying on the floor, illuminated by the intermittent emergency lights. She was in terrible pain, tears were streaming down her cheeks, her eyes filled with anger and pain.

Lena blinked repeatedly to bring herself back to reality, she turned to Kara to ask about what she had just seen but she saw her getting out of the car. Without wasting a second, the brunette followed her outside.

The air on the coast was cold, making her shiver as the breeze penetrated under her clothes, under her hair.

"What the hell was that?"

Kara did not answer. She was motionless a few meters away, staring at the ground, her eyes wide open.

"You managed to get out of the room you were locked in, the one in front of the tanks containing Alex and me, how did you do it?”

Kara took her head in her hands, still not saying a word.

Lena looked at her, she saw that Kara wasn’t doing well, but the anger she felt clouded everything else in her head. The realization hit her.

"You escaped..." she whispered with a tight throat. "How could you just have left me there?" 

Kara slowly raised her head, her eyes were red, her face pale. She took a few steps towards Lena, then stopped, clenched her teeth, closed her fists. 

"Do you really think I wanted to leave you down there? Do you really think I wanted to go?"

Lena breathed heavily. "I don't know..."

"Then what do you want to know? What it was like to be tied up and tortured by your brother? Only to then find myself faced with this impossible choice to make? To have to choose between my own sister and the woman I..."

Kara didn't finish her sentence, didn't say it, didn't admit that Lena was the woman she loved. It wasn't that she doubted, no, it was that she had never said it to her face before. The last time she had tried, Lena had stopped her from doing so, by holding her up against the wall with her palm over her mouth so that she wouldn't hear those three meaningful words. 

And right there, in that situation, filled with those horrible memories, it wasn't the time. The right moment had passed, or had never been, or perhaps would never come either.

Kara pulled herself together, pushed that thought out of her head and continued, "And I begged him, over and over again. To take me instead of you, that I would give him everything I had and more. Not to force me to make a choice. That choice..."

Lena remembered this choice all too well. She could still hear her brother's voice as he taught her the rules of his game, the game she had lost because she had not been chosen. When she realized that she wasn’t going to make it, that she was going to die and no one would come rescue her, she also learned that there was nothing she could do about it. The water level had risen and the fear and the cold and the horrible feeling of the water was choking her, drowning her. All while Kara watched and did nothing.

She had understood afterwards that this choice had been impossible to make, but it did not make it any less painful. And today, at that moment, it still hurt just as much.

"You asked me how you died and I’m unharmed... do you know how remorse can consume you from the inside?"

Lena nodded. "But that's nothing new, I need you to tell me something I don't already know."

Kara couldn't hold back a raspy laugh of exasperation.

"Here I am opening up to you, telling you what it did to me and you, the only thing that interests you is to know what happened down there."

Lena clenched her hands in fists, the loss of control, the insensitivity it engendered, Kara was not fooled, she had seen it. But it was too late to back out. Lena saw herself playing chess again, with Lex in her cell, then at the café, then in her little cottage, then with Liam, then with Lex again. An endless loop that had never and would never lead anywhere.

"I want..." Lena paused, sighed, "Understand me, Kara. I need to know."

The blonde felt her throat close. "Well, maybe if you had read all my letters you would already know by now."

Kara was right, it was unambiguous, and that simple fact out loud, in that way, shook Lena. Her coldness coming from her need to know everything weakened. She saw all the envelopes again, she saw the first one, the only one she had opened, all the harm it had done to her, all the painful beauty in each of the words inside.

"I can't," said Lena, her voice having radically changed. She was no longer bossy or harsh, she was almost inaudible, broken.

Kara bowed her head, frowning. "What?" she said.

"I said I can't."

"You can't? Open these letters? Why is that?"

Lena turned her head away, started pacing.

"You know why, stop asking me."

"No, I don't know, you have to tell me, and stop asking questions? No. I want to know and I need to know just as much as you do. So tell me."

"There was a good reason why I didn't read them, why I didn't take them with me."

"That you left them at O'FLattery."

"I set that castle on fire, Kara, and it was for a good reason. Sometimes you can't just forget, sometimes you have to make your own break with the past, otherwise it keeps chasing you, haunting you over and over again."

Kara didn't know what to say, it didn't make sense and at the same time she understood. She discovered this deep emptiness between the need to know and the need to forget. A dark place where no light could ever reach, where both of them had been, were probably still.

"So no, I can't open these letters, because they would only hold me back to something that no longer exists. They are part of the past and I have to go on, I have to move on." Lena paused and refrained from crying, because she was going to say the following words with her head and not her heart, believing she was doing what was best for her. "And that's why, soon you'll have to leave, because otherwise I'll never be able to move on."

"After all this, nothing has changed, you still want me to leave."

Lena clenched her teeth, holding back the tears, not wanting to be weak and cry, especially not in this already painful moment. The voices in her head were contradicting each other, she was struggling to stay true to the decision she had made, not to make the same mistakes again, to love herself enough to do the right thing, to make the right decision, that decision.

"Yes," she said, her voice trembling.

“I took that leap of faith, Lena. Letting myself be bitten by that creature with the sole purpose of saving you. And you know I lost my powers because of that, so there is no more saving the day for me, supergirl is no more, I am no more…” 

Kara let a tear run down her cheek. “How can you still ask me to leave when you know that I have nowhere to go back to. When you know that I have lost everything and more.” 

  
  


Lena felt her heart clench when she heard this, she wanted to take a step towards her but held back. Kara seemed to read this hesitation on her face, this restraint to want to console her, to do nothing. So the blonde just put her hand to her cheek, to remove the tears she had not been able to hold back.

"I wasn't ready for my mind to be the only place you existed." Kara took a jerky breath. "I lost you Lena, I lived the last six months thinking you were dead. I lost the woman that..." again she couldn't say it, swore silently, furious at herself and the situation, clenched her fists even tighter, her fingernails cutting her palms. "All these Letters I wrote, I knew there was no way you could read them because I thought you were dead. But now knowing that you're alive and you haven't even considered reading them."

  
The blonde passed her hand over her mouth, looking her straight in the eyes. "It hurts terribly, Lena. And again, it's nothing compared to how I feel when you ask me to leave once more. How could you?"

Lena breathed laboriously, her words heavy on her heart, painful but necessary "I warned you from the start, you knew."

She took a few steps forward, the need to comfort Kara finally emerging through her need to know. But instinctively, the blonde took a step backwards, started to cry.

  
  


Kara was furious that she couldn’t hold back her tears, showing herself in front of Lena like that, again. She hurried to wipe her face, but it was useless, new tears immediately flowed down her cheeks, replacing the one she had dried off. 

"And I know you said you couldn't have me in your life anymore, because you weren't my first choice, because I had become your person, and you said you would never be mine, but what if you were, what if I could show you, what if I didn't leave," Kara said in a voice she hated as she heard herself, in a begging voice.

"No, Kara, it's over." Lena could barely say.

"Stop saying that, you know it's not true, you don't even believe yourself."

Lena frowned and her face hardened. “Don’t pretend to know what I believe or not! It is not a matter of believing or not believing. It’s a matter of knowing.”   
  
“And what was that in these two days? Our time together, that night in the pub, the night in my room, even last night during the storm. Weren’t you looking for my presence by your side? Didn’t you finally feel less lonely, safe with… with me?”

Lena shook her head. "Stop, you're hurting yourself, Kara."

"No, Lena, you're hurting us. Happiness is still possible, it's not too late, life has given us another chance, we are not dead although we should have been already. We are here and now, let's take this chance that is offered to us. We have nothing more to lose." 

Kara had gotten closer to Lena as she said those words, put her hand on her cheek. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around the brunette and hold her. 

Lena placed her hand on top of the one Kara had on her cheek. Slowly she pulled it off. "To let you get too close, to let come back into my life like this..."

Kara felt her heart racing, hoping.

"That was a mistake," Lena concluded.

"Lena, don't..."

"I'm sorry Kara," Lena said with her voice trembling.

The blonde took a step back and released Lena's hand. Once again, Lena had gone out of reach. This was their story, an eternal do-over, they were only moving away to find each other again, only to get lost once more. 

Lena looked at her watch, then the sky, it had cleared up, the day was just beginning to dawn. And during their argument, out of the corner of her eye, Lena had seen three cars and the delivery truck pass by, people getting to work in the village early in the morning, nothing suspicious. 

  
  


"We have nothing more to do here, it's almost 7:00 a.m. and the people who pass by are just workers in the village."

Lena avoided Kara's gaze still fixed on her, turned on her heels and returned to the car. "Get in, we'll go to the inn to see if the plumbing is fixed or if they have another room available."

Kara felt her heart hurt and beat fast, the detachment in Lena’s voice struck her like a knife to the chest. The way she was already brushing Kara out of her life, with the back of her hand. It was only a facade, Kara was well aware of that. Behind the facade, Lena was taking refuge, she knew how to do that better than anyone else. 

  
  


"No, I'm not getting back into the car with you," she said, staring at the ground, other images of the station flashing in front of her eyes.

"What?" 

Kara could hardly breathe now. "Go away, I'm telling you."

"Kara get in the car, you can't walk to the village, not in your condition."

"Stop it, Lena, you can't care about me and not want me at the same time. Enough is enough. Just go."

"I'll drive you home. You can't..."

"I know exactly what I can and cannot do, Lena! Go away!" Kara cut her off, still looking down at the ground.

"Kara..." Lena tried once again, torn to see her like this.

The blonde finally looked up, crossing her uncertain green eyes. "Run away, Lena, it's what you do best." 

This sentence reached Lena in a well hidden place, or at least she thought it was well hidden. And yet, Kara had found it, had aimed right. She climbed into the Riley Elf, wiped her eyes as they threatened to finally let go of her tears, and drove off. 

Kara fell to her knees when she watched her drive away, taking her face into her own hands as she started sobbing among the tall grass. 

Was it all over this time?

* * *

Kara had walked with a limping step to the village. All the way there, she had looked at the dirt and gravel road, had not once raised her eyes to the landscape that had always fascinated her. 

No, she couldn't see it now. She listened to the sound of her footsteps on the ground, staring into the void, her head was elsewhere.

She had clung to an impossible hope of convincing Lena to let her stay. Now she realized how stupid she had been to believe such a thing. Lena was right, she had warned her from the start. Kara should have known. Should have known that Lena wouldn't reconsider her decision, even if she had made some deviations from the course, such as spending the night with her after the pub or huddling in her arms during the storm. 

It was only when Lena had been weak that she came back to her. Lena, the real Lena, had not been hers for a long time, not since that tank hadn’t opened.

Kara passed the harbor, heard the waves and seagulls, but still did not look up. She turned the corner near the café, and walked up the street towards the fountain. Only there, she looked up at what she could see. The village barely waking up. There were a few cars here and there, those of the store owners, as Lena had understood before her, nothing suspicious. 

The blonde walked across the street when the delivery truck passed in front of her. The man behind the wheel waved his hand to her. Kara recognized him, she had ridden with him to the castle, he had delivered the piano to Lena's house.

Kara did her best to smile, and raised her hand to wave. As he continued to advance further, she left her arm hanging in the air, a thought running through her mind, nailing her in place.

The few cars that had passed on the road during her argument with Lena were the merchants' cars and the delivery truck. And who could have passed by this road and stopped near Mika, who could have picked her up without anyone noticing her presence in the vehicle, who could have hidden her there and then quietly returned home without raising the slightest suspicion?

Kara shook her head. "No, it can't be."

She looked over her shoulder, her gaze went to the beach, where she and Lena had put the log in the water and then followed it drifting. She remembered what she had said then: "It is the certainty of knowing that she is still alive that must force us to consider all possible leads. No matter how unlikely they may be." 

The blonde hurried up the paved street, went to the music store.

"Ah hello, how are you today, need a score?" asked the owner, smiling, visibly happy to see her in her shop.

Kara massaged her ribs, catching her breath. "Hello, good morning.” She leaned forward slightly, her heart not slowing down. "I need your help ma'am."

The woman walked around the counter, went to her, put her hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Kara simply nodded, leaning on the lady to stand up. "The man with whom we delivered the piano..."

"Finan?" the owner cut her off.

"Tell me, do you know where he lives?" Kara asked breathlessly.

The lady stared at her, surprised and suspicious of the question. "Why do you want to know that?

Kara ran her hand over her face and then through her hair, she had no time to explain. "I beg you, madam, if you know where this man lives, please tell me..." Kara ended by taking the woman's hands in hers.

The owner looked her straight in the eyes and frowned. She saw a young woman at the end of her strength, lost and above all desperate. And even if this sight worried her at first, she finally took a deep breath and gave Kara the answer to her question. 

"Road of the Black Cove, the last house at the very end."

Kara squeezed her fingers around the lady's hands. "Thank you, thank you a thousand times!"

With the sound of the bell at the top of the door, Kara left not adding anything further. 

"You're welcome," said the poor woman, still unsure of what had just happened.

Kara had only taken a few steps outside of the store, when she saw the florist on her left smiling at her. It was disrupted when he had to quickly divert his attention to a fresh delivery of flowers arriving.

The blonde stared at the delivery man she now knew as Finan. Tall, sturdy, with a grayish beard and hair tied up in a kind of messy bun. He was smiling, seemed friendly. 

Kara forced herself to stop staring at him, took out her cell phone and searched for the road to the Black Cove. She walked slowly, down the paved street towards the harbor, searching on the map. When she finally located it, she realized that it was quite a distance to get there. And she was on foot, and she had destroyed the only rental car in the village, but it was out of the question to call Lena.

  
  


No, if there was now something that Kara was certain of, that was it, she wouldn't talk to Lena anymore, wouldn't ask her for anything, wouldn't see her again. Kara had come here first and foremost to find Mika. She had already strayed from that goal too much. Now she was going to find her. Alone. She didn't need anything, nor anyone.

Kara looked at the number of kilometers, it was unthinkable to walk there. She looked up, and glanced at one of the houses near the harbor, its iron fence through which rose bushes were growing. Most of all, the bicycle that was placed there caught her eye.

* * *

Lena closed the front door of her small house. Ever since she had moved here, she had always felt a sense of calm and comfort when she came home. This little place hidden just for her, her hideout. 

But at that moment, she felt the opposite. A horrible feeling in her belly, an uneasiness. She had come back alone, and it didn't seem to make sense, it didn't feel right.

She left her keys in a bowl, took off her coat and walked a few steps, looking towards the living room. There were still sheets and pillows on the couch. Lena hurried to take them off, there was no point in torturing herself further. Kara would not come back.

Lena went up the stairs with her arms loaded. 

"She's wrong, I'm not running away, it's not what I do best." 

The brunette walked to her room, saw Kara's clothes, that she had put to dry along the railing. With an abrupt gesture, she picked them all up and went to her room. Lena fetched Kara's suitcase, opened it and began to put away her things. Kara was going to leave, she had to leave, and to do so she would need to leave nothing behind, no memories. Nothing.

Lena was about to close the bag when she looked at her arms, or rather at the sweater that covered them, which she was wearing. It was the one Kara had asked her to wear.

The brunette had the image of Kara curled up on her bed, crying and clutching the sweater to her face.

"No, don't think about it," she thought to herself as she took it off as quickly as she could.

Lena stuffed it into the suitcase and closed it, then stormed out of the room.

"It's so that it will keep your scent again... for when I'm... forced to leave," Kara's voice said in her head.

Lena froze sharply, leaned against the banister around the stairs, and had difficulty breathing. "Get out of my head." 

She closed her eyes, clenched her teeth, and managed to silence her voice. Lena stood up, took a deep breath, tilted her head back. She was going to make it, she was going to move on, to forget her, to make peace with her choice. 

But from the corner of her eyes, she saw them piled one on top of the other. The letters.

"That's enough now, you've tortured me for too long, it's your turn to burn."

Lena grabbed them all, then went down the stairs, went into the living room. She put wood in the fireplace, crumpled up some newspaper and grabbed the lighter. She tried to light it, but it produced no flame.

"Come on," she said between her clenched teeth. 

But despite all her attempts, the lighter remained completely useless. Lena threw it away, screaming in rage. She slid down the couch, sat down among all the letters she had dropped on the floor. 

Lena brought her legs back to her, leaned her elbows on her knees, took her face in her hands. 

"It's not because you can't, it's because you won't." Liam's voice whispered to her.

This would never end, would it? She would never stop doubting, taking one step forward and two steps back? Was she really unable to do the right thing, to learn from her mistakes and to keep away those who had hurt her the most in her life? Why couldn't she do it, why couldn't she just disappear, die in the eyes of the world, and finally start her life again in peace and secret here? Why did Kara have to come and ruin everything, why did she have to come all the way here, why did she have to find her?

Lena let her right hand slide next to her, grabbed an envelope, brought it back onto her legs. She opened it and took out the letter it contained.

_ I can't make it, Lena, I can't make it home, or at least this place that people call that way. I would like to go back to my apartment, but I would see us there on the couch, among all those little solar lights that you had made for me. I close my eyes and I can still see them, they look like candles. They are beautiful. Their light is soft and soothing. But they shine in a memory now. _

Lena crumpled the letter in her hand and threw it away. She was reliving that night very well, that moment when Kara had revealed everything she had learned about her past, the horrible memories she had seen during the creature's bite. Lena could still feel everything she had felt at that moment. The feeling of vulnerability, of being alone among the ruins of her high walls, those behind which she had always hidden. Those walls that Kara had caused to collapse. 

Without being able to control herself, Lena opened another one.

_ I see the color red in the most common objects and the only thing that comes to my mind next is the poppy field. Do you remember it? Red flowers as far as the eye can see. I see it with my eyes wide open. I see it and then I see you standing in the middle of the field. Tell me, is this where you are now? _

She opened another one.

  
  


_ I don't sleep, I haven't slept for weeks. Because when I close my eyes, all I see is you. I used to be able to see your smile, to remember that moment we spent at the piano together, that song, our song. But no matter what I do, I don't see it anymore. I close my eyes and I see yours. Green and beautiful. I see them looking at me while you understand. That you realize what's going to happen, that the water is going to rise and I won't be able to save you, because I didn't choose you. I see the look in your eyes and I feel it piercing me, tearing my heart out because it's all my fault. You died in that tank because of me. And your gaze is still staring at me, now underwater. First I see the fear in your eyes, then it fades away, is replaced by something even worse. Resignation. You give up, you know that there is no way out, you know that this is the end, that I failed you. Today you're no longer there, today I can't sleep, but you're still staring at me. _

And another one.

_ They say that there is nothing that time cannot heal. That's a load of bullshit. I don't hurt any less, I don't feel any less guilty, your memory doesn't fade, I don't heal. I miss you how I didn't think it was even possible. Part of me died with you Lena. And of that, I know now, time will never be able to do anything about it.  _

Lena read them all, every last one of them, until she finally understood.

* * *

Kara dropped the bicycle on the gravel, looked around, making sure no one was looking at her. But here, at the very end of the Black Cove Road, she didn't have to worry about that. Finan's house was secluded, alone with no neighbors in sight. There was nothing but trees and rocks all the way along the cliff, and of course, the ocean, always present.

The blonde went to knock on the door, not knowing if he lived alone. She waited, but didn't get an answer. She knocked a second and then a third time. Still nothing. She tried to turn the handle, but it was locked. 

Kara walked around the house, looking inside each window. The curtains were not closed, as if the delivery man had nothing to hide. So far, there was nothing to support her theory that he was the kidnapper.

Further ahead, she saw a garage and decided to go and look at this secondary building instead. She went back to get her bicycle, not wanting to leave it lying around, but more importantly, wanted it near her in case of need. Kara leaned it on the wall on the north side, the side that was not visible from the road. She looked up and saw that there was a window in the wall. However, the window was high, its glass covered with newspaper. That, in turn, supported her doubts about this man. 

Kara climbed on the bike, held on to the wavy metal walls of the garage as best she could, and clung to the window sill with her fingertips. As she tiptoed to get a good look, she felt the bike wobble under her weight. 

There was paper almost all over the glass, everywhere but in one corner that was barely torn. Kara squinted her eyes, looking through the small hole. It was dark, she couldn't see much. Tires, tools, shelves of boxes and then she saw her, Mika. The discovery surprised her so much that she was startled, lost her footing and fell to the ground. 

In a grunt, Kara straightened herself up by leaning on her elbows. A sharp pain was spreading along her left ankle. No doubt she had sprained it when she fell. The bottom of her jeans were up, also revealing that she had scratched her skin on one of the pedals, leaving some blood on the seat as she passed.

"You're stupid, Kara," she thought to herself as she struggled to get up. 

Limping, she walked around the garage, found a door. Against all odds, it was unlocked. She opened it slowly, the hinges creaked. 

"Mika?" 

No answer.

Kara walked in, slowly and painfully. She discerned a mattress a little further forward, and lying on it, facing the metal wall, young Mika. 

The blonde hurried to join her, to kneel beside her. She put her hand on her shoulder, shaking it delicately.

"Mika, my name is Kara, I'm here to get you out of here."

But again, no answer came. Kara shook her with a little more firmness but still no sign of awakening. She heard only a few faint babbling sounds. Kara looked around and saw a small metal box nearby. She stood up to see what was in it, there were sleeping pills, a sort of vial and a syringe. 

Kara stroked Mika's arm, lifted up the sleeve of her sweater, indeed, she had been injected with something, many times. The bruises on her arm confirmed it. 

The blond covered her mouth with her hand, barely realizing what the poor girl had endured. But that wasn't the worst part, it was that the police had stopped looking for her, that they had let it happen, again and again. No one would have come looking for her if her mother hadn't managed to convince her, a freshly fired reporter.

"I'm so sorry Mika, I'm sorry it took so long." Kara murmured.

She looked up and down the girl's body, curled up in a ball on the mattress, her hands hidden under her pillow, her feet crossed together. Kara also noticed something else, a rusty iron chain. It ran from the center of the garage, up the mattress, ending at the young woman's right ankle. 

Kara approached and noticed a lock holding it in place. She inspected it, got up, and began searching everywhere for a key, the one that would free her, allow them to leave far from here. 

The blonde searched every box, every drawer of the workbench, nothing. There were tools, screws, nails, all sorts of garbage, but no keys. 

"Shit" sighed Kara, sending back the blonde locks covering her face.

She went back to Mika and tried to wake her up again. "Wake up, I beg you, tell me where the key is, please Mika, tell me how to get you out of here."

"Wake... up," Mika mumbled.

Kara's heart leapt into her chest. "Yes, that's it, come back to me, that's it wake up."

Behind her closed eyelids, young Mika was far away, elsewhere. Lying on a cozy bed, her head resting on her mother's lap, who gently stroked her hair. 

"Everything will be alright," her mother told her, "I'm with you, I'm going to find you, I'm going to help you, sweetheart."

But the delicate and soft hands became large, dirty and rough, became those of a man used to manual labor. The caresses continued and Mika tensed up, closing her eyes tightly. 

The woman's voice turned deep and hoarse. 

"It was me who found you, who helped you when there was no one else. I nursed you, I took care of you. You stay with me now. I am your friend, your only friend. And friends stay together, right?"

The heavy hand went down from her hair to her shoulder, then along her ribs to her lower back. 

"Friends are kind to each other, grateful."

Rough fingers slipped under her sweater, and Mika felt her heart squeeze, an urge to vomit taking her, clenching her throat. Fear, shame, anger. She slid her hand further under her pillow. Her fingers closed on the screwdriver she had hidden. 

"My little flower, mine, just mine."

Mika felt those words penetrate her, it would be the last time he would call her that. In a desperate scream, she stood up and turned around, stabbed the screwdriver in his gut.

"Mika..." Kara moaned.

Mika blinked quickly, not understanding what she had done. For the face in pain in front of her was not the face of the man who had locked her in here. A blonde woman with blue eyes was staring at her, understanding even less than she did what had just happened.

The young alien looked down on her hand, saw the screwdriver stuck in the abdomen of this woman she had never seen before.

* * *

Lena pushed the florist's door open and when entering, closed her eyes for a short moment, inhaling the flowers' scent, in an attempt to let herself be soothed by it.

"Hello, Lena," Liam's calm, deep voice emerged from the back office.

He was about to walk up the stairs but Lena raised her hand to him. "I didn't come for this."

The man smiled at her, walking towards her, brushing against the branches of ferns and eucalyptus as he passed.

"Could it be that you finally came to a realization," he asked in a more serious tone.

Lena stared at him, without answering.

Liam went to the basket of dried branches, began to put them in place, staring at them to keep his gaze from bothering Lena. 

"That chess game, it can never be repeated, can it? You will never know if you or your brother would have won."

Lena's gaze changed. She had never told him anything about it.

"You know, Lena, just because I never asked any questions, doesn't mean I didn't understand it from the start. You chose me because I am a brilliant man, and excellent at chess. Coincidences don't exist, there are only encounters," he added, a small smile forming at the corner of his mouth, winking at her. 

He walked to meet her. "You didn't need me to talk, so I was just present, just for you. No matter when or for how long." The old man laughed. "There were days when you came here at dawn, or very late, sometimes for 20 minutes, sometimes for hours."

Lena looked down. "I'm sorry, I must admit I was very troubled.”

Liam took the last few steps towards her, and lifted her chin. "There's nothing to be sorry about." He looked into her eyes, smiled wider. "And so, if you're not coming here to play today, why are you here? Would it have anything to do with that pretty blonde who was walking through the village early this morning?"

"You saw Kara?"

He nodded, telling her he saw her coming out of the music store.

  
  


Liam opened his hand, and Lena put hers on top of it. It was something she had always loved about him, even though he could see that she needed comfort, he never dared to make the first step towards direct physical contact, just offered. 

"Lena, I don't know what happened to you, and I would never dare to ask. Also, you already know what I think about forgiveness. But keep in mind, sometimes the people who hurt us the most are also the only ones who can heal us." 

  
  


Lena restrained herself from letting tears fall down her cheeks.

"Go on now, find her and don't let her go, okay?"

Lena smiled back at him.

"A smile, I like that better." 

Liam turned around for a moment, stretched his arm out and grabbed a poppy, then handed it to her. Lena relived Kara's words, the red in the common objects, the memory of the poppy field. She brought her nose close to the flower, closed her eyes and for a short moment allowed herself to take a deep breath taking in the poppys scent.

Lena turned her heels and walked out of the store. Liam watched her walk away, happy for her. "Goodbye, Lena." 

  
  


Lena stopped by the fountain, looked over her shoulder, up to the upstairs window, where she had played chess with Liam so often. She sighed as she realized how a page had just been turned. For in her heart she now knew that she would not come back here again, not for that matter.

Lena made her way to the music store, following the only lead she had, the word of the florist. Inside, she saw the mailman gesticulating with large movements of his arms, clearly he seemed furious. She crossed him coming out as she went through the door. 

"Hello," he said in a particularly annoyed voice.

"Hello..." Lena replied.

"Don't pay attention to him, dear, he got his work bike stolen, by a bunch of kids, probably. Come in, come in. How's that piano, tell me?" 

Lena continued to watch the mailman walk in circles, talking to himself. "Excuse me, you were saying," she asked, finally forcing herself to turn her attention to the store's owner. "All right, yes, thank you."

"And what can I do for you today?"

"Yes, actually, a friend of mine came by this morning, she's blonde and..."

The woman nodded her head, which relieved Lena, "I'm looking for her, you see, so if you could tell me if you saw her go to the inn, or anywhere else in the village afterwards, it would really help me retrace her steps for the day."

The owner laughed. "You two are a strange pair, you're having some weird questions today."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen Lena, your friend seemed pretty confused this morning, she came to me and only asked me one thing , if I knew where Finan Brady lived."

  
  


"The dock deliveryman..." Lena whispered, shaking her head.

" But what..." said the owner as Lena stormed out of the store, giving no explanation for her behavior. 

* * *

Lena slowly and quietly closed the door of the Riley Elf. The delivery truck was parked a few meters away, Finan was home.

She looked around, a lonely house with nothing but trees and the cliff nearby. No neighbouring houses and no one to witness anything that happened here. 

Lena sighed, "Ah Kara..."

She climbed the three steps leading up to the gallery, then knocked on the door. Lena was unarmed, hadn't told anyone she was coming here, and was no more cunning than Kara. 

The door opened and an imposing man stepped forward. " Hello," he asked hesitantly.

"Hello Mr. Brady, I'm..."

"Lena, right?"

"That's right," she says smiling, trying to be as charming and harmless as possible.

"What are you doing here?"

Lena looked worried, like a poor, lost and saddened woman, the kind who would need the help of a big, strong man like him. A role that Lena played perfectly.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine," she began, showing herself to be very emotional. "She's not from around here and I think she's lost." She put her hand on his arm, and her other hand on her mouth, as if to stop herself from crying. "I'm so worried." 

Finan opened the door wider. "Come, have a cup of tea and tell me more about your friend, okay?"

Lena nodded her head, looked up at him with tears in her eyes, trying to decipher him quickly. He didn't seem to have any meanness or threat in his eyes, which was very strange. She had to see further, to learn more. "Really?"

“Of course, come on in, dear.” He said as he put his hand on her lower back, taking a step back leading her inside. 

The touch of his hand sent shivers down Lenas spine. 

"Thank you," Lena added only as she slowly entered the house at the end of the road.

* * *

Mika blinked, her vision was blurred, she could feel pain in the crook of her arm, a burn.

Once again, like every time he came home, Finan had come to join her in the garage. At this time of day, however, he never stayed very long, he would just take the little metal box and sedate her again. To keep her quiet, so that she wouldn't make any noise, so that when he was ready after several drinks, he would finally come to spend the evening in her company, spend the evening with his little flower.

"Stay awake," she said to herself as she turned on her stomach, crawling down the mattress on which she was lying.

She felt weak, numb and heavy, she had to hurry. "Come on." she moaned as she pulled her elbows towards the back of the garage. She crawled slowly, each movement requiring her to give everything she had, everything she had left. 

The chain tightened around her ankle, she had reached the end of it. Mika stretched out her arm, closing her fingers around the large black plastic cover at the bottom of the workbench. She pulled with a muffled scream.

Underneath was Kara, half sitting, half lying on the cold concrete of the garage. Her eyes were closed, her sweater soaked in blood. 

Finan had not been aware of her presence. Mika had barely realized that she had stabbed Kara when she heard the man come home. She had hurried to hide her, made her promise not to move, to not make any noise, and then covered her with the dirty foil that had been over the tires until then. 

And Mika had gone back to lie on her dusty and wet mattress, waited for him to come in, let herself be drugged again.

"Wake up" whispered Mika, grasping the tip of the blonde's boot.

But Kara didn't answer.

* * *

Lena looked around the house she was now in. In the kitchen, just behind her, Finan was finishing putting down a plate of cookies and serving tea.

The house was small, very poorly decorated, but well-ordered, very tidy. 

"Do you live here alone?" she asked in an innocent voice.

He put the teapot on the lace doily. "Yes, well, I was with my mother before, this is her house, you see, but she's not here anymore, so I kept it, I stayed, it's my home now."

That explained the pink wallpaper, the flower patterned drapes and the plastics on the living room armchairs.

"It's very pretty, I like it very much," she lied skillfully as she turned around to smile at him.

Lena was beginning to get an idea of the man she was standing across from. She had also seen that apart from the kitchen and the living room, there were two bedrooms and a bathroom at the end of a long corridor, the back door left ajar showing a bathtub, also in pink. 

There was no basement. This left very little place to hide a person, or perhaps even two, in this case. The rooms in the hallway, or the garage that she had seen when she arrived, were the only options.

"Milk or sugar," he asked, with a small metal clip in his hand over a jar of sugar cubes.

Lena never took any, drank her tea like her coffee, with nothing added. But today she did otherwise. Because the connection with this type of person is made through small details, the little things of everyday life, the singular habits and mannerisms. Like putting a sugar cube in her tea, or enjoying a decor worthy of a home for the elderly.

"With pleasure, thank you," she said as she went to join him at the table.

He handed her a steaming cup, a beautiful smile on his lips. Obviously, he was delighted by her presence. It unsettled Lena a little, he seemed to neither fear her, nor did he find her presence strange, he seemed naive, simple. But Lena would not be fooled, knowing all too well that behind these traits could still be hidden a twisted mind. She had seen others far worse than him, had grown up with the worst of them all.

"Why don't you tell me about your friend?"

Lena took a sip, the tea was horribly bad, but she swallowed it anyway, forcing herself not to let anything show. "She's blonde, about my height, she has an American accent."

He looked up at the ceiling, as if he was searching his memory. "Yes," he said with a snap of his fingers. He took a big sip and put down his cup. "I know who you're talking about, she came with me the day your piano was delivered."

"What?" she said. Lena had let this question slip out of her mind, because she really didn't know what he was talking about, and most of all, she hated that he knew something about Kara that she herself didn't. It turned her stomach, gave her an awful feeling. 

"She didn't have a car and took advantage of the transportation to go further, she asked me to take her to the castle that burned down recently... it's such a shame," he added, looking saddened, as if he was really upset about the fire.

Lena forced herself to keep drinking, she had to pull herself together, she had to regain control of the conversation.

"Other than this one time, I haven't seen your friend, I'm sorry... What about your piano?"

The brunette nodded and smiled, no, she couldn't take it anymore, this tea was going to make her vomit. 

"Wonderful, thank you. And you're so kind to have taken the time to listen to me," she said, putting down her cup. "But if you haven't seen Kara, I won't take up any more of your time, I'll..."

He put his hand on her forearm, politely restraining her from rising. "There's no hurry, we're having tea, you're more than welcome here."

* * *

Mika suddenly lifted her head back, having fallen asleep for a moment. She shook Kara's leg again, this time more vigorously.

The blonde bent over, breathing heavily, as if she had emerged from water, having almost drowned. Reality caught up with her in a blink of an eye, and she moaned as she looked down at the screwdriver still stuck in her belly.

"There's someone else here, I heard a car," Mika said in a low voice as she stood on her feet. She held out her hands to Kara. "You have to get up, you have to get out of here."

"I can't, I..." Kara began, the pain paralyzing her on the spot. 

"You can and you must." Mika leaned towards her as much as she could, as much as her chain would allow. "Take my hands, I'll help you."

Kara raised her arms and immediately Mika pulled her towards her. The pain was so severe that Kara thought she was going to be sick. 

The young alien had barely managed to get her to her feet. But Kara only held on for a few seconds. She saw black and her knees gave way. Mika wrapped her arms around her, hit the screwdriver as she moved. Kara uttered a heart-rending scream that the girl held on to her palm and pressed it against her face. She held her in her arms as they both fell onto the mattress. 

The screwdriver now laying on the concrete floor a meter away.

Mika straightened up and kneeled next to the blonde. The wound was now bleeding profusely. 

"Shit, what did I do," said Mika, holding her head in her hands. 

* * *

Lena looked at the bottom of her cup, it was empty. She couldn't believe that she had managed to drink it all.

"That's very kind of you, thank you, really," she said as she got up from her chair.

Finan stuffed a whole cookie in his mouth and pointed to the living room. "I have a piano too, you know, could you play a piece for me? It was Mom who knew how to play it and with her arthritis, it hasn't been used for a long time, too long."

Lena turned her eyes to the living room and saw an old upright piano, unsurprisingly painted pink. She then looked at Finan who was giving her an almost imploring look.

"Please."

"All right, I will."

He told her to get started, he would tidy up and join her. Lena seized her chance and walked towards the hallway. "I'll just go to the bathroom first."

She walked away, looking over her shoulder, saw the delivery man in the kitchen with his back to her. Lena approached the first door, turned the handle very slowly and opened it. It was only a laundry and sewing room. 

She passed to the other one and discovered only a bedroom with a tapestry surprisingly even uglier than that of the kitchen. In a sigh, she passed to the bathroom.

Lena locked the handle, opened the shower curtain and entered the old bathtub. From there, she reached the tiny frosted window and opened it. 

* * *

Mika pressed on the wound with her wool sweater she had just taken off, she wrapped the sleeves around Kara's waist and squeezed tight, which made her scream again.

"Shhhh" she whispered as she put her hand over the blonde's mouth. "He mustn't hear us. Come, we have to get you up now."

Kara couldn't see clearly anymore, she felt herself being lifted up, felt the ground under her feet.

  
She was in pain, so much pain. She took one step, then another, Mika's arm around her waist forcing her to walk.

"You're doing it, keep going."

They stopped, the chain having once again immobilized the young alien. "Damn it."

"You have to go on without me, Kara, okay?"

"What?" the blonde moaned as she turned to look Mika in the eye.

"I can't go any further, but you have to go on."

Kara put her hand on the already soaked wool sweater, her fingers turning red from the blood. "I can't make it."

Mika rotated Kara so that she was in front of her, and shook her slightly by the shoulders. "Kara listen to me, there's someone else here, which means he's busy, this may be our only chance that you can leave without him seeing you."

Kara felt her eyelids get heavy. "But I am..." she meant that she had come with a bicycle, that it didn't matter if she got out of here or not, she wouldn't make it to the gravel road anyway.

"You're going to make it," said Mika as she began to cry. "You're my only chance, I only have you, you understand?"

Kara nodded her head and turned around. She took a step and Mika let her go. 

A second one.

Then a third.

She fell to her knees, then her palms landed on the cold concrete in front of her. Kara lowered her head, her long blonde hair falling on either side of her face. Behind her, Mika's encouragement echoed back to her now, and everything seemed to spin around her.

* * *

Lena pressed herself against the wall under the windows slowly walking forward, not wanting Finan to see her.

Her heart missed a beat when she saw it, barely exceeding, the mailman's bicycle behind the garage. It was Kara and not some children from the village who had stolen it from him. That was how she got here.

The brunette took a deep breath, then ran to the garage and got out of sight again next to the bicycle. 

Lena looked at it attentively, it was muddy, as if it had been dragged on the ground or had fallen down, and on the seat there was blood on it that hadn't dried yet. She approached her hand and as soon as the tip of her index finger touched it, the bite on her arm pained her violently. Lena saw Kara spraining her ankle as she fell, then a syringe in a metal box, and then an excruciating pain in her stomach.

With her hand pressed against her mouth, she held back a scream for her arm was now burning. 

Lena was startled when she heard a groan coming from the garage, in her heart she knew immediately, it was Kara, who had just felt the same pain at her own bite, but she hadn't held it back.

  
  


* * *

"Shhhh" said Mika to Kara who finally reached the back wall.

The blonde no longer felt the wound in her belly, it had been replaced by a burn on her arm. 

"You're almost there, come on, keep going."

Kara grabbed the doorknob and used it to pull herself up to her feet. As she was just about to stand on her own two legs, the door opened and she tipped forward.

Lena grabbed her, fell to the ground with her under her own weight. "I've got you," she said as she sat upright, Kara still in her arms. 

"You’re here..." 

Lena felt her heart break when she heard her small voice, hoarse and weak. She freed her face from the blonde locks that were hiding it. She was pale, too pale. 

"I found her, Lena," Kara said painfully as she pointed to the inside of the garage.

Lena looked in the direction indicated, saw a young woman covered in blood, the one staring at her attentively, her eyes panicked.

Lena felt a warm, thick liquid under her hand, which she felt was coming from Kara's waist. When she looked closer, she noticed that she was wrapped in a wool sweater soaked in blood.

The brunette leaned forward, placed her cheek against Kara's forehead, closed her eyes. "I'm going to get you both out of here." 

* * *

Finan knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you okay in there?"

No answer. 

What the hell was she doing in there, what was taking her so long?

He knocked again and again and again, harder and harder, until the door opened all of a sudden. 

"Excuse me, a little lady problem," Lena said, forcing herself to look sorry and innocent. But acting was painful for her at the moment, she could feel her heart beating in her ears, her heart was aching so much that the stress was eating her alive. 

Finans expression softened "My apologies, I..."

Lena raised her hand in the air to indicate that it was nothing. Then, without waiting another second, she walked past him, walked as fast as she could without running, headed towards the kitchen.

The delivery man watched her without moving, really wondering why she was coming back from where she had come so quickly. "A little piano now?" he asked as he went to join her.

As soon as he turned the corner he received a blow from a cast iron pan in his face. 

He fell backwards, half-conscious. Lena was breathing so fast now, her hands were shaking around the wooden handle. She looked at him, there on the floor, clenched her teeth and knocked him out a second time. 

Finan lost consciousness and Lena rushed to pick his pocket. She found a huge bunch of keys which she put in her sweater. Then, without wasting any more time, she took off his belt and laces and used them to tie his legs and arms behind his back.

Lena ran out of the house, down the few steps, hurried back to the garage, she had already been gone for too long.

Just before returning to the house through the bathroom window, Lena had laid Kara on the mattress, tightened the wool sweater. When she wanted to leave, Kara had not wanted to let go of her hand, had begged her not to leave again, to stay. 

Mika had taken the place of Lena who at that moment, did not know what to say, she felt so guilty and sorry for everything that had happened, for how they had left each other, for all the time she had lost running away, hiding.

Lena entered the garage, went to the mattress, gave the keys to Mika and then went back to Kara.

She knelt down next to her, lifted her up to take her in her arms.

"There are at least thirty keys," said Mika as she began to panic and hyperventilate.

"Try them all, we have no choice," said Lena, and then she saw the poor girl shaking, the metallic sound of the many keys betraying her. "Mika everything will be fine, try one at a time, you'll find the right one." Lena tried to calm herself down and took a deep breath. "Mika look at me."

The girl looked into the other woman's eyes.

"You're going to make it, okay. We're going to get you out of here, it's over now."

"All right," she said, swallowing with difficulty.

Lena turned again to Kara, who was even paler than before. Her eyes were closed, she was breathing inconsistently. 

"Hey Kara, I'm here, I'm back."

The blonde opened her eyes and smiled slightly as she crossed that beautiful green look that she loved so much, that she never thought she would see again.

A muffled sound echoed in the distance, coming from the house.

Mika grabbed Lena's arm, her nails digging through her sweater. "He's coming." 

"No, I've tied him up, here, take my phone, call for help."

"But I'm still tied up," the girl murmured, her voice almost inaudible, her throat closing in fear.

"Start with the police and then you go on with the keys okay, stay with me Mika you hear me, stay here and now, we'll make it okay, all three of us."

She nodded her head and did as asked.

Lena pressed her hand on Kara's wound while in the distance, another thud came from behind them, followed by an angry scream, then another, and another, each one getting louder and louder, closer and closer.

* * *

Finan finally managed to undo the belt at his feet, stand up and make his way to the kitchen counter. He opened the drawer and grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the laces around his wrists.

When free, he passed his hand over his forehead, grimaced in pain as he touched one of the two places where Lena had hit him with the pan.

He punched the counter, shouted in anger. 

The delivery man came outside, knowing exactly where she had gone. With his scissors still in his hand, he started by cutting the tires of her little car, then he looked towards the garage, saw that the door was open, distinguishing movement in the shadows inside.

"MIKA!" he shouted, as he made the last few meters that separated him from the secondary building.

He entered through the door, first saw Lena where his captive should have been, on the mattress. And in her arms, the woman she was looking for. But what was she doing here?

Finan frowned, tilted his head, not understanding why this blonde woman was there, bleeding. 

This thought was brief, as a noise on the left caught his attention.

Standing on the workbench on her tiptoes, Mika tried to reach the hunting rifle that was hanging on the wall.

"No," he said as he dashed towards it.

Mika screamed in fear and fell to the floor.

He took a single step and then collapsed to the ground, a terrible pain running through his shins. For Lena had thrown a hammer at him to slow him down, to prevent him from touching the girl ever again.

Finan growled in pain. He managed to get up on his knees and when he looked up, he saw the end of the long barrel of his rifle pointed at him.

"Why are you doing this," he asked, raising his hands to Mika.

The young girl holding the weapon was shaking.

"We are friends, you and I, aren't we, little flower?"

At these words, Mika screamed and fired.

The shot almost grazed him, and Finan fled, ran out. 

"Mika don't." Was the only this Lena had time to say before the girl left in pursuit of her captor.

Lena began to breathe faster and louder. With Mika gone, she had no need to pretend everything was going to be okay, she didn’t need to guide anyone through this situation, anyone but herself. 

Lena felt the anxiety inside of her rising, fearing a panic attack coming, she said to herself : "Pull yourself together, this is really not the time." 

She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing. She relived the last two times she had done it, the last two times Kara had been there. The one in the castle and the one in her room when she had seen her again. And each time Kara had held her, had reassured her, had protected her, had waited with her for the seemingly endless minutes to pass, for the air to return. Together.

Lena's chin tensed and she felt the tears rise in her eyes. "Ah Kara, I'm so sorry," she said as her voice broke under the emotion.

For yes, Lena was truly sorry. For thinking she was doing the right thing by forcing Kara out of her life, putting her in the same category as Lex and everyone else who had hurt her so much, over and over again.

For seeing only their similarities, and not what matters most, their differences. How Kara was nothing like them, yes she made that choice, yes she broke her heart, but then she paid the price, she suffered and tried so hard to make amends, to earn forgiveness, to be worthy. 

And Lena had made it impossible for her, had not let her do it, until she understood, one hand written letter at a time. 

Lena felt Kara move in her arms, forcing her back to reality. To the cruel reality that Kara was badly injured, that she had lost too much blood and that help was far, too far away, it would not arrive in time.

"I'm here," Lena said, trying not to cry, if it wasn't Mika that she should pretend to be strong for now, it would at least be for Kara.

The blonde reopened her eyes, and their looks crossed. A green and a blue made to spend their lives looking at each other, until the end.

Tears streamed down the sides of Kara's face, "I love you," she said between labored breaths.

Lena felt her heart squeeze as she finally heard these three words. 

"Don't you dare say it like if it was for the last time, like if it was goodbye."

Kara tried to smile.

"You will tell me again, ok, many, many more times, promise me, Kara."

The blonde's face twisted into a look of pain. "I can't." Kara looked down at her belly. 

Lena lifted her chin, so that they could look into each other's eyes again. "I'm here, it's going to be alright, look at me."

"I'm sorry Lena, for everything."

"Shhh, it's ok."

Kara was having a very hard time breathing now, her body was contracting with the pain, she felt weak. "I love you... so much."

Lena couldn't stop herself from crying any longer..

"I love you too," she said in a higher, hoarse voice. Leaning forward, Lena put her lips on Karas.

Kara closed her eyes, letting herself go with that kiss. She was home.

Lena felt Kara's lips growing weaker against her own. She moved her face back. "Kara?"

The blonde did not answer.

“Kara, open your eyes, please. Stay with me.”

* * *

Mika ran as fast as she could, with what little strength she had left from being kept locked inside for so long. The cold wind from the coast whipped her face.

The adrenaline had dissipated the effects of the last drugs she had been injected with. She was no longer sleepy , she was animated by this rage to live and to be free at last, but above all, to take revenge.

She saw him in front of her, trying to escape. It was out of the question.

Her heart was beating so hard in her chest, she was out of breath and so was the man, when he finally came to a stand, realizing where he was. 

The wind was blowing stronger as he stood at the edge of the rocks. Their eyes met and Mika stopped running.

The adrenaline took over the young girl as she raised the rifle close to her face, fired.

The bullet split the air, went through Finan's shoulder and he fell to the ground. He rolled to his side, over the edge of the cliff. 

Mika ran in his direction, to see where he had fallen. But she discovered him, suspended in the void, holding on to the rock face.

"Help me," he said, looking down, the waves crashing against the rocks. The fall would be fatal to him. "Please."

Finan looked up, crossed the girl's black eyes.

Mika held his gaze and in a blink of an eye, saw again all that he had made her endure, his little flower. She saw herself begging him to stop, to let her go. She felt again every horrible moment he had put her through.

Still staring at the delivery man, she pointed the gun, took aim for a second time. 

"Shoot, shoot you fool," a voice shouted in her head. 

Mika tightened her hands around the rifle, no longer wanting to tremble, no longer wanting to be weak. 

Finan begged her to help him, that he was going to fall, that he was going to let go, that he was going to die, but she didn't say a word, just pointed his own gun at him.

Mika wanted to shoot, but couldn't, and at that very moment she hated herself for it.

"SHOOT!" shouted the voice again.

She closed her eyes and screamed out everything she had kept inside her all the days she had been kept prisoner by this man. A piercing and painful cry, liberating.

When she opened her eyes, finally feeling ready to pull the trigger, he was gone.

Finan had fallen or let go, she would never know. 

But either way, he was now lying on the rocks, the icy waves turning red all around him.

* * *

“Kara... no, please… no.” 

Lena shook her but she did not answer, did not open her eyes. She was unconscious, her pulse almost impossible to feel and her breathing almost inaudible.

Lena felt panic overwhelming her, felt frighteningly alone and helpless.

"No, don't leave me here..."

Lena moaned as the bite of the creature came to torture her once again. But this time, the pain was different, it came and went, as if echoing, sharper each time, as if it was trying to call her.

She understood nothing. Why now? The last time she and Kara had felt this way had been in moments of painful memories coming to the surface, or in contact with each other's blood, so why here, now, when Kara was dying?

Lena looked at her wound, let the echo guide her, beyond logic. 

WIth the tips of her fingernails that traced the wound, she made it bleed, the skin never having totally healed. She did the same on Kara's arm. 

And without wondering why, without asking any questions, following a kind of instinct from beyond, she put their two wounds in contact.

Everything turned black. 

Lena felt herself sliding through the floor, sucked down.

* * *

Lena blinked several times, not immediately understanding what had happened. What she did understand, however, was that at that very moment she was no longer on that mattress covered in Kara's blood, in that cold and damp garage.

No, she was in Kara's apartment, and it was dark. Lena heard sobbing behind her, turned around, saw Kara lying on her bed. 

She had something in her arms, burying her face in it and crying her eyes out. 

Lena squinted her eyes as her vision adjusted to the darkness. She recognized what the blonde was holding tight, it was the sweater.

"I'm in a memory," Lena whispered.

At these words, she felt sucked down again. She landed on the grass, under a gray sky, in a cemetery.

Lena stood up again, turned around, saw Kara, all dressed in black, walking towards her, walking around the piles of earth and coming to stand in front of a grave.

Lena Kieran Luthor

1993-2020

She put her hand in front of her mouth, realizing the moment she was in now, how it had happened. They had buried an empty coffin with her name on it, worse, they had placed it next to her brother.

Lena heard Kara start talking, but as she turned her back and was further away, she couldn't hear. She got close enough and then saw her, so beautiful and sad, wearing make-up to hide her lack of sleep and the grief that was destroying her more and more each day.

  
  


"I guess everything is really meant to be broken," Kara said.

  
  


Lena recognized the words.

  
  


"I'm so sorry, Lena," she added.

  
  


Kara fell to her knees and cried, pounded the ground with her fist, then uttered a deep scream, at first muffled, then loud and powerful.

  
  


Lena felt it go right through her, freezing her in place. Farther back, the birds fled from the scream, which was piercing and frightening to them.

  
  


Kara got up, dropped a letter onto the casket and walked away.

  
  


"Wait," Lena said, raising her hand to her, but nothing could be done, Kara walked away and Lena sank into darkness again.

She was now in the room of the village inn. A fire was crackling in the chimney. Kara was sitting at the small desk in front of the window, she was writing.

Lena approached, read over her shoulder.

_ Lena, _

_ I'm writing you these words that you'll never read. These words that you know too well already, that you knew long before me. Unfortunately. _

__

_ You loved me too soon. _

_ And I loved you too late. _

__

_ Kara _

Lena ran out of air as she read this short letter. She saw Kara get up, take the message and throw it into the fire. Tears streaming down Lena's cheeks as she realized how the roles had now reversed. It was Kara's turn to have loved her too soon, when she herself had not been ready to let her come back, for fear of suffering again. She had waited, until the unthinkable had happened and Kara was dying in her arms. When Lena finally came back to love her, it was too late.

Once again she was swallowed up through the floor, disappeared far, far away, in the darkness of the depths, emerged in that underwater station where it had all begun and ended at the same time.

Lena looked at what she could see, she was in the room that had held Kara prisoner during Lex's little game. A room with a view of two tanks.

But the game was over by the time she was there, because Alex was huddled in a corner, holding Kara tightly against her. 

"I didn't take the time to tell her I loved her back," Kara said between sobs.

Lena walked towards the center of the room. The light in her room, the one that contained the tank full to the brim, as well as her drowned body, was off. She continued walking, placed her hand on the glass, where Kara had done so, in the last seconds of her life.

Lena looked over her shoulder at the sisters, Alex soaking wet, her lips purple from the cold water, and Kara who couldn't stop crying, who could hardly breathe.

So that was how Kara had felt when she was immersed in her memories, when she had seen through the mirror, discovered what she would never have been able to know had it not been for this connection by this tentacled creature. 

Lena gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, there were so many conflicting emotions in her at that moment, so much anger and pain, remorse and shame. 

The time in this memory passed, and the sisters did not move for a long time, until the whole station was shaken by a violent tremor.

The lights went out and were replaced by a small flashing red light. A deafening alarm rang out, and in a sound of metallic cogs, the door opened.

Alex forced her little sister to get up, and they both got out of the trap. Lena followed them, without saying anything, not yet ready to make contact. She had wanted so much to know what had happened, she wanted to let go of that memory now.

So Lena followed them as they wandered blindly through a maze of steel corridors. 

After a while they passed a floorplan hanging on the wall and Alex managed to locate and lead them to a Room that Lena recognized. The escape pods.

Kara had an empty gaze, and was of no help to her sister who was trying to save them from this place that was sinking into the abyss. 

For a moment the older Danvers sat her sister down in a corner, hurrying to a pod and pressing seemingly random buttons. "It's okay, I've managed to program one for us, just follow me," Alex said, waving to her sister to follow her. 

Kara watched her enter the capsule, but rather than enter as well, she closed and locked it.

"What are you doing," Alex asked, turning around to look at Kara through the window.

Lena, close behind, was looking at the scene attentively, but still without being able to do anything else but watch.

"Lena is still here, somewhere, I just can't leave her behind... I just can't." Kara said as she activated the countdown.

Alex heard the digital voice counting down from 30, desperately she tried to open the hatch to get out.

"Kara you're coming with me, do you hear me? I'm not leaving without you."

The blonde put her hand on the window and her sister stopped trying to get out. 

Alex frowned as her chin tightened and tears ran down her cheeks. "Kara, please," she said, putting her hand on the other side of the window, opposite her little sister's hand.

"I'm sorry you had to choose between the two of us," Alex whispered.

Kara smiled tenderly at her. "Don't be, it's not your fault."

"Come with me, Kara."

The blonde shook her head. "I love you... goodbye Alex."

The capsule detached itself from the station, pulled away and went up. Kara looked at it for a moment, then wiped her cheeks and turned around.

For a brief moment, her gaze crossed Lena's, beyond space and time, memory and reality.

"Kara" said Lena, reaching out her hand to her, wanting to touch her, to take her in her arms.

Lena saw herself again, near the little car as they had gone on a stakeout. She saw herself asking Kara how she could have abandoned her, left her and run away. Now she realized that she had misjudged her, that she had no idea what had happened.

Kara didn't answer, just walked by. 

The blonde was determined, returning to the room where she had been locked up for this macabre game. She wanted to get Lena, dead or not, it didn't matter now that the station was sinking. 

The corridors were covered with scraps of metal and glass, pipes hung from the ceiling, jets of steam escaping from them. Electrical wires were casting yellowish lights and small mechanical fires began to fill the area with black smoke. There was not much time left.

Kara lost her way and began to scream in rage and pain. She leaned against one of the walls with a porthole over the depths of the ocean. 

"I'm so sorry Lena," she said crying.

Lena approached, went to put her hand on Kara's shoulder, but was still unable to make contact. The spot where she had touched her dispersed into smoke and slowly re-formed. 

"I don't think she can hear you from where she is now," said a voice from behind.

Lena recognized it immediately, as did Kara, who turned around in a swift motion. Lex.

Kara wiped her face quickly.

"I see you've found a way out, tell me, where's your dear sister, where's the winner of our wonderful little game?"

Kara uttered a deep cry of despair and rushed towards him.

Lex laughed, knowing full well that she no longer had any power. He let her approach, and at the last moment, dodged her to grab her and throw her to the ground. 

Kara felt a kick in her stomach and she lost her breath, bent over.

"Supergirl, I'm really impressed." 

Kara turned her head towards him to look at him, but at the same time he threw his fist in her face.

Lena shouted "No!" as she joined them, trying to get in between them. But all she managed to do was dissipate the memory into a cloud of smoke. 

She soon had to resign herself to backing off, to content herself with being just a spectator, because there was nothing she could do, all this had already happened.

Kara felt the blow resonate inside her head, her vision blurred. She grimaced as she felt Lex grab her by the hair, lifting her up out of the ground like this.

"I'm impressed that it was so easy to destroy you," he said as he pinned her against the wall, bumping her head hard against the solid metal. He didn't wait any longer, knocked her to the ribs.

Kara's knees gave way, but he held her in place, placing his forearm against her throat. 

"First you were foolish enough to let yourself be bitten by this creature I had sent to my dear little princess, and you began to lose those precious powers that you and your cousin so unjustly got from our sun."

Lex put more pressure on his arm, and Kara couldn't breathe. She closed her fingers around his arm, without really trying to remove it. He stared into her eyes and smiled at her with all the cruelty he still had left.

"You seduced my sister, you stained our name and then..." he laughed. "Then you let her be weak enough to love you, then stupid enough to believe you'd love her back, that you'd choose her." 

Kara spat in his face all the blood in her mouth.

Lex threw her violently to the ground with an angry scream. He stepped aside and wiped his face.

Kara twisted in pain, having landed on a pile of mechanical debris. She looked down on her leg and saw that a piece of glass had cut her and that she was bleeding. She looked up at Lex, who was still trying to remove the blood she had spit on him, and then reached for the shard of glass, hiding it behind her back.

"You disgust me so much," he said with contempt as he looked at her again, pathetic and weak, still lying there on the floor. 

He took a step towards her and she did not move. Lex closed his hands in fists, so hard that his fingernails slashed his palms. He hated her and all her people so much, abominations, beings with even less value to him than insects, which had no place here, worth exterminating, to the last.

Above all, he wanted to hurt her, to torture her before killing her. Because that's what he had always done, from a very young age. Dark children's games, to forget what was going on behind the closed doors of the Luthor mansion, to transfer the pain and rage to something else, or someone else. First the animals, then Lena, then more enemies, an entire race. Something to occupy the mind so that it never has to think again about what caused all this darkness in the first place. 

"I left Lena in that tank you know, she's still in there" he lied, sending his foot in her face.

Kara felt the warmth of the blood filling her mouth, dripping from her broken nose. She spat, choking on the blood flowing down her throat.

Lex grabbed her by the hair again, dragged her on the ground for a short while before lifting her up along a metal wall. "In there she looks so beautiful, so pale, her long hair waving in the water." 

Kara reopened her eyes, blinked a few times before she could see him clearly, even though their faces were less than two inches apart.

"She is peaceful now, I find, she reminds me of those little animals that you put in jars of formaldehyde. They remain there forever, frozen in time." 

Lex gave her the most insane smile he had ever given her, appreciating what he saw in her eyes, all the fear and suffering of having failed to save the one she loved, of losing everything.

"Thank you, Kara, thank you for doin what I never had the courage to do ... kill my dearest little sister," he whispered in her ear.

When he stepped back, met Kara's gaze again, he stiffened with surprise. It wasn't the same at all. The fear was gone. The suffering was still there, but it was now tainted with vengeful anger.

Kara brought her face close to his. "This is for Lena," and she stabbed him in the stomach with the piece of glass she had kept in her hand all this time.

At that moment, Lena realized that she had been holding her breath the whole time. She choked when she saw what had just happened, the twist.

Kara restrained Lex from backing away from her, and with her other hand, she turned the glass into the wound, making him groan excruciatingly. 

Kara looked him straight in the eyes, tears of rage running down her cheeks. Her fingers held the glass so tightly that she could feel it cutting into her skin.

But she wouldn't let go, no, not until it was over.

Lex staggered, and fell backwards. Kara followed him in his fall, falling over with him. She let herself slide aside, leaning on her free hand to straighten up slightly. When Kara heard him scream in agony, the images of Lena’s empty eyes behind the glass wall came back to her. 

She pulled the piece of glass out of Lex's belly and he let out a muffled scream, spitting out the blood that ran down the side of his mouth. Kara took it out, only to plunge it again, and again, and again.

After three hits, when Lex didn't make a sound, she dropped the glass on the floor and pulled away from him.

Lena saw Kara crawl on the floor through the debris, going to sit at the bottom of one of the metal walls. She was in an awful state, her face was covered with her own blood, her leg was slashed, not to mention the blows she had taken.

Lena understood what Kara had meant when her hand had flown over the chess board, when she had let out "But Lex is...". Kara had always known that her brother was dead, she knew because she was the one who killed him.

Lena went to sit next to Kara who was staring at Lex's body. 

Kara stared at him, her eyes blank, and Lena felt what she was feeling at that moment, what she was thinking, here, at the end.

For in Kara's mind, it was indeed the end, she was certain that Lena was dead and still in her tank. She had no idea that Lex had not only lied to her about it, but that she was alive and well and on her way to Ireland thanks to Lilian's help.

This thought twisted Lena from within, to understand how Kara had been worthy of her forgiveness all this time, to be allowed to come back to her. She hadn't run away, had stayed behind for the only reason that she couldn't leave her here, even if she was dead. 

And from what Lena was seeing right now, Kara didn't seem at all ready to try and save herself, she seemed rather to be waiting for all this to end, for the station to sink and carry her away.

Kara had killed Lex to avenge her and had been willing to simply let herself die to join her. Lena felt terrible about it now, would have given anything to be able to talk to her, to touch her skin one last time, so that she wouldn't just be smoke.

"Ah Kara, I'm... I'm so sorry," Lena said, touching her bloody cheek which vanished upon her touch.

But Kara couldn't hear her, was out of reach, six months earlier.

"Kara?" asked a voice between two coughs.

Lena and Kara turned around, following the origin of the voice. Lilian emerged from the smoke that now filled the corridor.

"What are you doing..." Lilian began as she understood what had just happened.

Yet she didn't ask any questions, didn't even seem angry or sad to find her son dead in that hallway. She just grabbed the blonde's arm and forced her to stand on her feet.

"Follow me now, there's not much time left. Where's your sister, tell me," she asked, forcing her to follow her.

Kara started coughing. "I put her in a capsule towards the surface," she managed to say with difficulty.

Lilian nodded her head, but did not reveal that she had done the same thing with her daughter.

"And you didn't go with her? How could that be?"

Kara didn't answer as they arrived in the evacuation room. Lilian went to find a shuttle that was still in good condition, then motioned for Kara to approach.Lena looked alternately at her mother and Kara, praying to learn that Lilian had made it too, that Lex was the only Luthor to have perished at his own game.

The blonde said no. "Lena is still here, somewhere." 

Kara spat the excess blood from her mouth. "I'm staying."

Lilian sighed, went to grab her by the arm. "Stupid girl, get in that capsule and go to your sister, I'll take care of Lena, I know where she is."

"Where is she?" asked Kara, who didn't have the strength to stop Lilian from forcing her into the capsule.

"Far away. And the station will sink at any moment, you have to leave," Lilian said, closing the door between them.

Kara held it back, pressed her hand to keep it open. "And you... will you..."

Lena came closer, looked at her mother carefully. She saw her smiling at Kara. Not in a mean way, not in a haughty or disgusted way, no, with sincerity and an astonishing kindness. 

"It's too late for me, Kara. But you..." Lilian looked up for a brief moment, hoping without admitting it, that she and her daughter would find a way to meet again one day. "There is light somewhere, it may not be much light but it beats the darkness," said Lilian, quoting the same poem she had told Lena shortly before. 

Lena understood that this way she was leaving them both a piece of the puzzle, so that together they could find a way to complete it. 

  
  


"Goodbye Kara," she added as she closed the door.

Unlike Kara, Lilian did not set a countdown, but sent the capsule directly to the surface. She watched it move away.

"Your turn now, take one of those shuttles and save yourself," Lena whispered.

But Lilian didn't listen, couldn't anyway. She turned around, went back to where she had found Kara. 

The station was squeaking metal, now writhing, shaking with more tremors. 

Lena followed her mother to Lex's body, saw her kneeling beside him and held him in her arms.

"My boy," she said, sighing and shaking her head. 

"Please go," Lena begged, kneeling beside them.

But Lilian remained there, her son in her arms. He was her responsibility, her child, as much today as he had been from day one, when he had saved her life, bringing a little joy into her life at the mansion with Lionel Luthor. 

"You and I have strayed from the path." She laughed falsely. "It's time to find it again, don't you think?" 

Lilian closed her eyes as the portholes all around began to creak under the pressure of the depths. 

Lena looked around and then brought her gaze back to her mother. "I love you... thank you for saving me in the end." 

Lilian reopened her eyes. "Goodbye Lena," she said as her mother's heart let her thoughts go to her other child, the one she had hated so much at first, but to whom she now wished a new life, away from them, away from everything they had done to her, for too long.

The glasses broke and the floods rushed into the station. Lena felt the cold of the water for a split second and then found herself in the dark. 

The fall to the next memory was longer than between the previous ones, as if she had just sunk even deeper, was elsewhere.

Lena arrived at a place that she knew very well, knew immediately that this connection, this moment, was not the result of a memory from Kara. It was something else, something she didn't know, but she would find out soon enough, she thought to herself.

It was dark, and the wind was blowing, coming from the north and bringing a particularly cold breeze. The tall grass was dancing in the gusts, and she let her fingers graze it as she reached O'Flattery.

The castle illuminated the surroundings, with flames emerging from its doors and windows, running along its stone walls and devouring its roof. 

In the distance, standing by the cliff, Kara stood motionless.

Lena joined her, walking so fast that she eventually ran the last few meters, wanting to find her so badly.

"Kara," she said as she came to her side.

The blonde turned her head towards her.

"Can you really see me?"

"I see you, and I hear you too."

"Ah Kara," Lena said, taking her in her arms.

Kara hugged her back, felt Lena holding her tightly, very tightly. "Are you okay?"

  
  


Lena stepped back, put her hand on the blonde's cheek and nodded her head. "I found you, at last." 

"I needed to be found?" Kara asked, looking confused.

Lena admired her face, realized that she had missed her, even though they had only been apart for a short time. "You left before me, without me."

"That doesn't sound like me." Kara smiled. "It's more like something  _ you _ would do."

Lena laughed, wiped her eyes before they cried. "You are right."

"Where are we?" 

Lena looked over her shoulder at the fire she remembered creating herself, to destroy this poisonous gift from her father. "One of my memories."

Kara closed her eyes for a moment, remembered the night before the Luthors' funeral. "It reminds me of a dream I had about you."

  
  


"Then maybe we're somewhere in between," suggested Lena as she removed her hand from the blonde's face.

"Maybe we are."

Lena took her hand. "Come with me, let's go home." Then guided her to follow.

Kara took her hand away. " Go home?" 

"Yes, we're not going to stay here?"

"Why not?"

Lena raised her eyebrows, ran her hand through her hair. "Because we have to go back, as I told you, you left without me, I came to bring you back."

"You found me," said the blonde, turning her back.

Kara walked to the edge, looked down.

Lena raised her hand to her, but she was too far away to reach. "What are you doing? Be careful," she said. 

Kara raised her arms in the air, closed her eyes and tilted her head back. "I miss flying... so much."

Lena bit her lips as she took the few steps between them. "You can't fly anymore Kara, don't you remember?"

Kara shook her head. "I don't agree, I was about to fly away before you got here."

Lena felt a feeling of panic settling in her lower abdomen. She spun around and looked everywhere around, wondering again where they were. If Kara was about to fly as she claimed, just before she arrived, before she stopped her. It also meant that she was about to leave, to let go.

"To go where? " Lena dared to ask, her voice trembling, afraid of the answer.

Kara lowered her arms. "You know that I have no idea, we both know that I can't stay either, don't we? You've made that very clear."

Lena felt the panic continue to grow inside her. She took Kara by the shoulders, turned her so they could be face to face.

"Listen to me, I was wrong, I was scared, scared of hurting again, scared of you, the only one who found me... the only one who really looked for me."

Kara didn't answer, just stepped back to free herself from Lena's hands on her. She then turned back towards the cliff again, came even closer to the edge. So close that the tips of her boots protruded into the void, sending small pebbles all the way down.

Lena felt the panic rise to her throat, squeezing it. "Please don't do this, don't go where I can't follow you," she said in a barely audible pleading voice.

Kara reached out her hand. "Come with me then."

Lena looked at it but could not bring herself to take it. "What if you come with me instead?"

"Go back there?" Kara looked down, put her hand on her stomach, where the screwdriver had stabbed her. "I don't think that's possible for me anymore."

Lena had difficulty breathing now. "So what do we do if neither of us agrees to follow the other?"

"Either we don't go anywhere, or we stay here."

"Here? But there is nothing here, only horrible memories."

"Or we go separate ways, you go back and I go on."

Lena shook her head. "No, I'm not leaving without you."

Kara turned her head towards her, smiled tenderly. Lena let herself be touched by this beautiful blue. Her gaze still had a soothing effect on her. And without her even realizing it, the panic dissipated. 

Kara offered her hand for a second time, and Lena accepted it, joined her on the edge of the cliff. 

"We're going to fall, Kara," she said looking down.

Kara, for her part, looked up to the black sky, with orange-tinted clouds of flames raging behind them. "No, we're going to fly away."

Lena squeezed her fingers around her own. "You don't know that."

Kara squeezed her hand back. "Neither do you." She took a deep breath, still smiling. "Are you ready?"

Lena closed her eyes hard, a leap of faith, as they say? And what more did she have to lose now. Nothing.

"I'm ready."

Hand in hand, not knowing what would become of them, they jumped into the void.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now just one chapter left!
> 
> It's not brainstormed yet, so feel free to tell me what you would like me to adress. 
> 
> I really do enjoy reading comments so please, say hi :)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment, I really do enjoy reading it :)


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